My Dating Story's

Vira's POV

Many people see me as so stiff, as if I have no feelings, and life just meets the rules, neither forwards nor backwards, stays there. But actually sometimes not, I can know the trends that occur, sometimes follow it, I'm a fan of kpop too, and actually I use “mask” more often than myself because as “outsider” it can make me more comfortable.

That night the first day I knew Vide, I felt like he was the funniest person I had ever talked to since when, when, and he is also unique that is very easy to also follow my way of speaking which is sometimes too unique even in the direction of sometimes I just understand after I talk, and usually of course other people are difficult to understand, and usually, of course, other people are difficult to understand, but he can tell, plus he also likes to learn many things like me, the new thing for us is the challenge, whether interesting or not, I like Got7, I like Got7, Vide knows that and even tries to listen to their songs, but it seems that our song preferences are different, not the genre, but more to the meaning of the songs themselves , Vide feels not relevant, he said, but it made me love the video even more. Video does not pretend to like, but understand, and we even play games together, one of my biggest desires if I have a partner is this.

My days with the presence of Vide feel different, give color that makes me smile more, I feel someone who can understand me, feel happy and live more meaningful. I enjoy it all, and not really care about anything else, for this time I just want to enjoy it without being depressed, talking to him makes me sometimes like being in a dream, I often feel that he is too perfect for me, I really want to enjoy it and sometimes I am even more absurd because I like to hear his laughter, happy to know that all my jokes can be funny for him, and it's somehow since when it became something that seemed obligatory to me and even made me who was already strange become even more strange. My calmness is changing, positively disturbed, and I am becoming a bit greedy and when I want to calm myself with the logic I have, I instead get the ordeal of my work that leaves me in shock with everything, plus an increasingly worse pandemic that ends up weakening me as well, not to mention still plus my parents who fell ill, he said, the incident dropped my confidence. I felt more and more imperfect, and I also became more self-reflective and more aware of not knowing myself.

I didn't believe many of the things I did and made me want to know my true feelings. With all the things that have happened around me recently making me doubt anything I do, I hate being a burden to others, especially to people who care or care about me. I was vilified in my workplace and got the wrong punishment, but everyone around me tried to show me the positive side, my pride and my conscience were hurt because of this, he said, and let me know that no matter how sincere we are if the person we are going to doesn't understand it and doesn't want it it can be a disaster. The punishment I was facing was not long or rather as if it was being withdrawn, because the next time I was asked to return to my original state, it forced me to feel as if the incident did not exist, but I have a heart and I can get hurt too.

I have a boss who knows enough about my work, and has known me for over 5 years, even quite know me personally because you could say they are also the ones who make up my personal portion that grew up in this environment, it made me more confident with the care and appreciation they gave me and I think I also valued myself more, and managed to give the proof I wanted. It is hard for me that the end of me should be a burden for them, maybe many are relieved when understood without having to explain, but it made me feel guilty to them because the way I showed my sincerity was not accepted by the person who put me in this situation or rather maybe I stepped in wrong.

I know I'm different and I know the older I get, the more full of things I can't figure out sometimes, so I ask about our relationship, all I understand is that I can't go in any direction, because I keep him spinning and confusing and he says all he can remember about me, I'm absurd, he could no longer explain anything, he waited to understand me more, but my shield was too high that made him look up to him as well. Our chat that was fun to be the answer he was short and even sometimes I did not get any response, or it could be days later and the content is not meaningful at all, and of course we no longer play together.

Maybe about a few weeks it happened and I wasn't stupid, I knew that Vide had ended the relationship, and I felt sad and thought about it until I realized enough that the truth that ended it was not Vide, but I did it by closing myself up, I keep saying I'm afraid of what's going on between me and him, I'm afraid to do something I might regret. That senseless fear kept spinning as my physical and mental state for other things was also not good, and Vide's patience regarding her limits, her, it seemed that it made him stop waiting for the promises of my words that I never made until the end, when at first I was insistent that I did not want this relationship to be stopped silly, ridiculous, become like a brother or a friend. I think I'm ridiculous because it's like I'm becoming like Toma who ended this by being a stranger to each other. I think we might be the right people when the time is right, and I'm ready to be in a relationship and love myself more.

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