KUIKHLAS YOU'RE GONE

Trying Strong

"Sha, if you need anything you have at home, don't hesitate. Remember you are not alone baby, many people still love and care about you, one of them is brother. Brother wants to clean clean first and cook, later if you have Mateng brother anterin, you are also clean and rest, do not think much will hurt, ok" long advice

"yes sister, thank you very much yes, sorry I always ngerepotin brother continue. Thank you also to mas Arif yes brother already want to help and nemenin today, I was helped and do not feel alone anymore thanks to you guys" I reply

"What the hell sha, you don't take care of it, I've often told you that I'm always there for you, you've been considered like my own sister, I think, so you do not hesitate to talk to me, already there now you take a shower and rest, inget you must be strong, baby, Dede already calm there"

"yes, brother, I'm in"

"yes baby, if there is anything do not hesitate to tell your sister" he reminded again

I didn't answer just smiling to reply. When I opened the door, the situation in the house was still the same from this morning that I left, I went into the room, I saw the bed that was still used by us to sleep, his used blanket was still lying scattered on the mattress because I had no time to tidy up. I take the blanket that is still stored fragrant telon oil typical of his body that makes me opiate to always smell the aroma. "Ade,," my tears came back from our short time together, I stared at this room, the box containing his clothes, shoes and toiletries was still neatly stored in this room, I still can't believe everything that's happened today, it's all so fast. It's clear last night he was still with me, I hugged his body tightly and can't be separated from my sling, even the sound of crying is still felt to this day. This house, is a place that holds a lot of good memories with me. Bathing her, dressing her up, playing with her and nursing her while kissing and stroking her cheeks are the most beautiful moments I have always done with her. My Nayaku is my encouragement when I feel down about my strange household with my husband, he is my strength to always try to be patient to accept destiny. But now he's gone, gone for good.

I cannot continue like this, I must be strong and sincere in accepting all of this. Immediately I go to the bathroom to clean my dirty body and after that I worship and perform the prayer of the ablution. I've heard from lectures in mosques that prayer can calm the heart and this is what I do now. I must draw closer to him to my creator Allah subhanahuwataala. I am sure that Allah will not give trials and trials unless I am able to live them, I am solemn in prayer, I pray for my late son, I ask for strength, I ask for strength, patience and fortitude to be able to live all this. I surrendered to him and begged for the best way out of all the problems I was going through.

The sound of knocking on the door stopped the prayer I was saying, it turned out that Mirna came to bring me food.

"sha, it's dinner for you, at the meal yes"

"yes, big brother, thank you very much"

"you have wept again?, do not cry on and pity Dede if you continue to cry" he advised

"yes, Lord, God willing, this is the last. Brought the atmosphere of Ade's goods list"

"do not brother, later I will go to sir rtnya, and it seems there should be no idea I doain Dede alone. After all, I am still waiting for Arya as well" I replied

"yes then, if you want to go to RT sir tell me yes, then I'll anterin so you're not alone impression"

"yes, brother, God willing, insyaa I insya to the rtnya sir"

"oh yeah, just call me later. Your husband hasn't come home yet?"

"yet brother, it's easy tonight he came home yes, smoga mas Sugeng has told him this sad news"

"yes, hopefully, yes you have eaten first there, later ba'da isya I take to the house of RT sir yes"

"yes brother, Skali again thank you brother"

" yes sha, the same. already yes brother came home first already want magrib because, assalamualaikum" he said

"Waalaikumsalam warahmatulli wabarokatuh"

After Mirna's departure, I felt lonely again, recalling the fragments of my memories with my late nayaku. This quiet feeling, adds to the deep sadness and longing. "honey, how can Umi continue to live like this? umi kangen Ade," I said weeping bitterly withstanding this unbearable tightness "yes God, strengthen my faith"