I AM POOR!

follow-through

The morning sun welcomes gently.The rain these few days leaves a water circle in the foliage, the tip of the tile and flower shoots in the yard.

As usual I stayed at home.Playing my phone and laptop and reading some novels and watching Romantic dramas.

All my activities are just to relieve stress because it rarely goes out.If only out at the park, once a walk around the complex.

Anyway this month I was detained at home by mas Haris.Say he was worried if in a big pregnant state I went-away.So yes I have to be home alone.

I contacted Mas Haris via video call.The feeling of longing for him can not be diverted by doing another.

After the call we talked and laughed happily.

It turns out that my husband can also joke.She is very silly.

A few minutes later, when we spoke up I felt pain in the lower abdomen at the top of the **** **********.Harris asked, he looked worried.

"You..mas..pe...my stomach....sa.....ssa....kit..."

I grimaced in pain holding my stomach while my gawa fell onto the sofa with the call still on.

"Darling you why.!Darling you...."

"Maaaas...perutku saaaakitt....!"I screamed in pain.

Shortly enter aunt from outside.

"Mrs why?Madam..nyonya wants to be born." said aunt panicked.

He tried to get me to go to bed, but I could not move because this pain could not be held back.I could only take a special and read verses that could calm me.

Before long Haris came and brought the Ambulance.They lifted me to the Ambulance and immediately taken to the hospital.

When this body is helpless, I see that Haris is anxious and worried. Repeatedly stroking my head and calming.

His face looked pale and trembling.The sweat soaked his forehead.

After entering the delivery room. They did a check in Ms V.

I noticed the nurses and doctors were very panicked. The brand put needles and some medical devices on me.This is where Harris is still next to me, trying to keep me calm.

But unfortunately, the pain made me unable to bear it.At the same time I felt that something came out of *************, while the sisters and doctors were preparing tools for childbirth.

They were surprised by what happened

and then I don't see and hear anything anymore.

***

3 hours later I realized.I looked up at the ceiling of the hospital room.Now I am not in the delivery room anymore.

I moved my eyes to the left right, but I saw no one.

I tried to feel the stomach and it felt deflated.I started thinking and smiling because I had given birth.

A happy feeling enveloped my heart.Waiting for my baby whether female or male.Right now I still do not know the gender because, when USG we do not want to ask that because this is a surprise for both of us.

I closed my eyes with a happy heart.

An hour later I woke up to the sound of Deddy, mommy and grandma in my room.

Layahan opened his eyes and saw them standing in front of the door.Grandma walked up to me after seeing me awake.

The woman looked at me with pity, she even shed tears.I don't understand happy tears or tears of sadness.

And then where is my husband Mas Haris?why isn't he here?

I looked for Haris with eyes looking at the whole room.Then I went back to Grandma and Deddy.

They rubbed my head and cried.

"Oma...where baby?Didn't I give birth to her?Is my child a girl or a boy?Then where is he now?"I'm looking forward to seeing it. I can't wait to see it.

Again they cried bitterly.I felt astonished.

What the hell's going on?that's what's in my brain right now.

"What happened Oma...?"I asked Oma.

There was no answer from the oma even she came back crying.

What's the matter?

I turned to look at Deddy.

"Ded....?"

Being quiet...

I shed tears thinking about what happened and trying to find answers from their gazes.

It's a bitter cry!not happy crying.

These tears rolled down my cheeks, and suddenly the thought came to my mind.

"Dedy...Oma....where's my baby?"

Trying to get rid of the thought, I then looked towards Momy who was still glued to silence beside me.

I pulled his hand and questioned my son.

There's no answer. He shook his head only then cried.

Seeing that I felt this heart stop beating.Turned my head and tried to sit but all in vain.

Deddy held me down and called the doctor.

"Let GO...!I want to meet my baby...Where's my baby.....!"I screamed hysterically with a sense of chest tightness.

Before long Haris came in and approached me.Her eyes were reddened and just like my in-laws.

"Mas...Where is our baby mas...?I want to see it.."I'm tugging at his sleeves.

Mas Haris was silent rubbing his face rough, the tears were still falling down his cheeks.

Seeing that, I felt like I was losing myself.

"What happened to my son...?"I held her hand with a teary blur.

"Mas...answer me....!"I pulled her hand violently with a high tone.Hopefully what crossed my mind did not happen.

"He no longer exists..!"m. Harris replied, He didn't see me.

Lightning storm over bolon, no rain no wind.The sentence makes this heartbeat stop beating.

I wondered.

How could?Didn't think I gave birth to two more days.Then, how could she not exist today? Not even the time yet?What's wrong with her?

I pull out the needle in my hand forcibly, blood starts flowing in my hand.

I kept trying to get out of the room, but Haris kept me and the doctor put the needle back in and gave me sleeping pills.

I don't know if I've been asleep for a few hours.

When I woke up, I looked to the side where my sister Zabi was holding my hand.

"Dw.bi..."

I called Zabi in a soft voice.He saw me and hugged me.

I cried sobbing in her arms.

I began to realize everything that happened.These tears clearly can not be damned.Sad, sick and feel God is not fair to me.

We hugged for quite a while.Zabi strengthened me and tried to make me not too sad.

But, how could I possibly forget and let go of a child that I have never even seen.The child that I have been carrying for 9 months. The child we always look after.

Why did all this happen?what's wrong?

I asked him.However, he also kept his mouth shut still fixated.Similar to my two in-laws. Even Haris wouldn't explain to me what was wrong. Which caused my baby to die.

Even until now it has been 3 days passed.Still they still do not want to say it.Even the attitude of mas Haris began to be a little quiet.She was often pensive.

***

In this room.I sat in a chair looking around this room.Yes I am currently in Mension.

Repeating happy memories while waiting for the birth, laughter, intimacy colored my life but now, like empty paper no scribbles pen.

This atmosphere is very quiet.

Where people go.Even my husband rarely comes home for lunch.Usually he is always near me.

I walked to the cupboard that contained baby supplies.Take one by one the clothes and kissed it.

These tears fell soaking down my cheeks, how painful it was and the pain of never seeing the slightest form of my baby.Since giving birth I have never seen it until now.

I could only see a small grave located at the back of the house.It was the final resting place of my baby.

Aunty went into the room to deliver food for me. Some days I did not eat, the hunger was gone with deep sadness.

My aunt asked me to eat, but I just stayed still without looking at her.

However they insist.I don't want to eat.Didn't want everything.

Right now I just want to know why my baby died.I guessed why my baby died.

But all my estimates are deadlocked.

****