Happy Fajarini

Episode 19's

My lips vibrate. Trying to focus on what is in front of me right now. This morning, I forced myself to immediately get up from the place that witnessed the incident last night. Disappointed as I felt. Feeling guilty because I've been playing with fire with my best friend's lover. The funny thing is that my husband. I was also disappointed in myself for not being able to be a firm woman in making decisions.

I wiped away my tears that were almost shed. Shouldn't a Happy man be sad and weeping? Then why lately so many clear rounders wet my cheeks without excuse? Flat objects lit. I just glanced, reluctant to answer the call. My chest is getting crowded. Guilt and hate just grow inside of you.

It's six o'clock in the afternoon. The other officers have moved since then to return to their homes. And I'm still here. Still staring at the monitor with a troubled mind. I've tried to calm down, but still I still feel God is unfair. Why should there be a Steady? Why should it be Steady? Why Steady? And why should there be a Rigid and Steady?

"Freshness and firmness. Both can make you better" said someone who had just appeared behind the door. I just smiled in response. I just want to be alone. I don't need counsel. Because it won't bring things back to the way they were.

I knew he was still looking at me before he finally got back to his voice, "It looks like you've made a big decision, Ra."

"What?" I asked while looking at the direction of his view. My contacts re-wrap the scarf that I had taken off.

"So, you're the same-"

"I think my job is done, sir. I'm sorry I can't talk to you for long" I concluded.

"OKAY. I just wanted to tell you that in front there is a Rigid. Then please."

"Please excuse me, sir," I said. But when I saw him talking again, I quickly said, "I will still work professionally here and will not involve my personal business with work or boss business. Once again thank you for caring about the lives of others, sir. Excuse me."

I don't mind the look on his disappointed face. I always needed it to talk. Because only he knows my marriage and Mas Steady after father and mother. But right now I'm really sensitive. I just don't want anyone to know that I'm in a mess.

"A really late afternoon, Ra?"

"There was a lot of work, Toy," I replied.

"Where are you going? There is a night market in the terminal. Wanna go there?" bargained for.

"Go home. Ra's not feeling well today. Next time, Toy."

"Yes already. Buy food first, yes. I know Ra hasn't eaten." I nodded while smiling widely.

"If someone you love betrays you the most, what will you do?"

"Totally serious, though. Why, anyway?" Hardcore chuckles.

"Yes, answer me" I said.

"having to. If that person was my family, yes I would be sorry even if I had to work hard for it. And if that guy is Ra, then I'll be sorry too. But-"

"But what?"

"What then? Why should I go?"

"Haha. Why is Ra's face so panicked, anyway? I'm sure Ra would never do that. Hardcore believes Ra can keep a heart for a Hardcore."

I just smiled, not responding. I can't imagine that the man I love so much would leave knowing I betrayed him. Not if, but I betrayed him. Maybe just wait for the right time for Tegar to know all the secrets I've been hiding from him. And when the time comes, I'll still love Tegar no matter what the risk. I would still want him to stop by even if I had to sacrifice a lot of things. I'm selfish.

Fifteen minutes to the apartment after stopping to wrap the food. Sweet words always come out of my mouth. Not the seduction of a crocodile, his love is sincere, as pure as the sand that loves the ocean. And a land that receives rain. I hope this love will last forever. The mistakes I made in the past will soon find a way out.

"Ra, do you know why rainwater prefers to come down from the sky and not from the ground?" ask before I get out of the car.

"Too from the ground instead of down dong. Which there goes up. Is there rain coming from the ground? It rained from the sky" I replied in protest.

"Wrong." Rigid pinched my cheek with anxiety. I just lowered my eyebrows to get an answer.

"Because the Rain loves the land. The deeper the rain falls into the ground, the deeper the love of rain for the soil."

"I still don't understand your language, Toy."

Tegar again chattered to explain the meaning of his words earlier. I laughed but was also happy when the two of Tegar told me love. Should have been from a long time ago. This relationship should have been official long before Teguh destroyed my future and plunged me into the life of Mas Kukuh.

Someone from afar stroked her forehead as I just got off the car.

***

I stared at the building I had been looking for twenty minutes ago. Smile widely. Looking at the white clouds like cotton for a moment so beautiful. Pray to the Almighty before stepping into the building. Some of the files are in my hands, some are in my lawyers who want to help me to finish everything immediately.

"Good Mother, are you sure of this decision?" ask my lawyer for the umpteenth time. I nodded while smiling.

"Let's go in, sir."

"Are you ready to assume the status of a young widow?" ask again. I stopped my steps but didn't look. The widow? Wouldn't it be better than being stuck in a relationship that would only scratch the hearts of many? I went back to convincing my lawyer. Try as much as possible not to scold him for constantly asking. I have to keep being nice so that everything goes smoothly without a hitch.

I was forced to use the photos of togetherness of Mas Kukuh and Sukma as evidence. Is not connecting with a woman other than a wife called cheating? So there's no harm in me using this excuse to immediately sue Mas Kukuh divorce. The sooner the better.

It's 12:28, it's time to go to the next destination. I need to tell Dad right away. I know I'm in such a hurry.

A very hot day. The weather is often unstable. I laugh. Laughing at myself so bad.