Destiny or My Life

Episode 5 my memories.

Before the lunch meeting was over, now I was at the secretary's desk which was right in front of the President's room.

Other than me there's another secretary who's gonna be my coworker, we're just different desks. From the first time I came she was very friendly and could accept me, her name was Dewi Larasati, she was 27 years old 2 years older than me and she just got married.

Yes this year I will be 25 years old, and I still have no partner myself, I used to have a lover, but now I don't know where he went? I'm an only child, my mother's father runs a small restaurant in Surabaya.

During this time I was always busy to work and work, if I only stayed at home, sometimes helping my father and mother at the restaurant to make financial statements, he said, or jump in to cook a guest order, because I really like to cook.

My day just passed, I had not many close friends, only Ani fellow secretary and Leoni marketing PR section at the branch office, apart from that just a regular office friend.

We usually occasionally will walk together to the mall, or just hang out at the cafe to chat and joke. Among the three of us, it was only me who did not have a partner, somehow I have not felt interested in having a relationship with someone yet ? when I want to try to be close to a man, I feel scared and uncomfortable, my body shakes when a man is about to touch my hand.

Flashback was a year ago...

Once I tried to fight my fear, at the request of my mother who wanted to see me have a partner like my friends.

I tried to get into a relationship with Ryan, a friend of Lioni's lover Dion.

Lioni said that Ryan was attracted to me from first sight when we met at Lioni's birthday party.

For 3 months we had a relationship, but not even though we were like lovers. Although we often walked together, we never hugged and kissed at all. Just holding hands, my hands would sweat and my body immediately trembled with overwhelming fear.

Is it possible because I don't have any taste for her? because I just want to fight my fears.

Until one day, Ryan asked me to speak from heart to heart.

Sunday night we sat on a city park bench, after dinner at our cafe. "The..!" call him.

"yes...!" answer's short.

I turned to her and glanced at her eyes, immediately I turned my gaze to the night view in the garden.

I heard Ryan breathing heavily. "I can ask ?" ask him with a view not separated from me.

I glanced at him, "want to ask what?" askaku.

"can you see me!!!"

I immediately looked to see it.

"Lusi...Can you be honest with me..?" his question and our eyes met.

"honestly what?" I was confused who immediately avoided his eyes.

As soon as he grabbed my shoulder and turned my body to face him, the distance of our bodies was very close, in fact I was surprised by his treatment, because it was our first time this close.

'degs...'

My heart started to get scared, but I tried to hold on so Ryan wouldn't be disappointed. I held back with all my might so that my body would not tremble.

"Lusi.I love and love you, since I first saw you I've fallen in love with you."

Our eyes are still looking at each other, I don't see any lies in their eyes.

which makes me not happy but sad.

"i'm serious about you.I want us to get married..!!"

"what....???" I said surprised.

Ryan knelt in front of me and clasped the hand that was on my lap. I started to stiffen because of his treatment.

Ryan pulled out a small box of red velvet.

"Lusi..Will you marry me...??" he asked while opening the lid of the jewelry box in his hand where there was a diamond-eyed white gold ring inside.

I was very surprised by the proposal, in my heart, instead of being happy but I was really sad and my fear grew bigger. I quickly stood up from my seat and walked backwards so that we would have some distance.

Ryan who saw me started to tremble woke up from his seat.

"what's up, Lusi..? are you okay..?"

I just shook my head, the tears that I had been holding back from falling slid into my smooth cheek.

"why are you crying Lusi...??" tanyanya.

"why are you sorry...?"

"forgive me..forgive me...!!" tangiskum.

Ryan looked at me in wonder.

"don't cry, Lusi." Ryan approached me who was looking down, lifting up my chin with his index finger.

I still sobbed, Ryan wiped the tears off my cheek.

"Am I wrong to propose to you...??"

"forgive me Ryan.you're so kind and polite to me, you never let me down. But I'm sorry I couldn't accept your proposal...!!" I replied sobbing which made Ryan furrow his brows in surprise, instantly removing his hand from my chin and walking back a step.

"But why Lusi...???"

"A..akuu...not ready Ryan.."my tears made me stronger until I closed my face and immediately fell down.

I can't believe what I feel in my heart. I was afraid, sad, sick and disappointed coming simultaneously in my heart. I really do not understand with my heart, should I be happy in the application by a good man, polite, handsome, tall pure white without blemish (look like a Korean oppa-oppa).But why am I like this...???

"why Lusi...? what's not getting you ready??" ryan asked as he gathered in front of me. "is it because we haven't known each other for a long time?"

I shook my head, I ventured into Ryan's eyes. "not that.I don't know Ryan.I want to be honest, I don't understand with my heart and I'm Ryan." I said with still tears flooding my smooth white cheeks.

"i'm afraid.I'm sick.I'm sad.I'm disappointed.that's how I feel right now...!!"I said more sad and my tears broke again.

"forgive me Lusi, forgive me." said Ryan as he hugged me gently and placed my head on his firm, warm chest.

"don't cry Lusi, I'm wrong because it's sudden and too soon to propose to you" he said gently as he stroked my darling black hair that was broken. I felt the heartfelt and warm treatment Ryan had for me.

"had stopped crying, I couldn't see you sad like this" she said still stroking my hair dear. I felt the tender and warm treatment Ryan gave me, closed my eyes to the hugs and caresses of Ryan, hoping for the comfort and liking I felt.

But that's not how I felt, immediately a faint shadow of someone who was rude to me, I quickly opened my eyes and immediately pushed Ryan's chest to release his embrace.

I stood up and adjusted my hunting breath, I held and I shook my dizzy head slowly.

"what's the matter, Lusi?" ask Ryan worriedly.

"my head is spinning Ryan."

"let's sit down first!" take her while leading me to sit on a park bench.

"it's a drink first !" Ryan handed me the bottle of mineral water he had opened.

Soon I drank the water, hoping that my belly would subside and my heart would be comfortable. Ryan kept watching me.

"Ryan.me.."

"forget over my proposal" he cut me off. I was sad to see his disappointed face.

"but...!!!"

"is that okay? I can understand you're not ready...?!?"

"but can you give me a chance ? to make your heart feel what I feel for you??"ask him with a shady look, in his eyes I see sincerity.

I didn't have the heart to resist it, in the depths of my heart, I also hoped Ryan could help me feel what Ryan felt for me. I want my heart to no longer be hurt, disappointed and scared like this.

I nodded my head in agreement, Ryan smiled with relief and I also returned with a smile as sweet as possible.

In this life we can not manage the destiny that will happen, but we can hope that a good destiny will come to our lives.

Flashback....

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...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

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