Destiny or My Life

Episode 33 Explanation of Bryan.

*Into Cafe*

After Bryan ordered a cappucino and some snacks, Lusi who had been waiting for Bryan to talk also asked him.

"what do you want to explain to me ?" asked Lusi who was looking at him flatly.

"i want to explain my passing without any news to you" replied Bryan who looked at Lusi with his soft eyes.

Susi just silently looked at him remain flat, Bryan said again.

"sorry because I left without saying goodbye to you and there is no news at all" said Bryan regretfully still with a soft look of eyes, Lusi still remained silent without changing his facial expression.

"i went to England to take care of a company that almost went bankrupt because of my uncle, papa asked me to take over the company and save it, because a lot of employees would quit if the company went bankrupt and it was the first company the family started from scratch, in a hurry I immediately went to England, when I wanted to give you news about me, he said, my phone is gone and I don't remember your number, I tried to get your number from the person I sent to Surabaya, they got it after a month but your number is off, I'm trying to keep looking and asking through Dion, but baby Dion doesn't know your new number, I asked him to ask his girlfriend, but Dion refused on the grounds of not wanting to interfere too far because you were already disappointed in my attitude that disappeared without news, I really regret Lusi, she said, being too focused on saving the company I forgot to tell you, I'm really sorry" Bryan said, explaining what he had in his heart and mind.

Luci still remained with his flat facial expression, Bryan who saw no change to the lusipun said again.

"are you just gonna shut up ?" bryan asked sadly because Lusi did not answer or comment on the explanation.

"has all your explanations been to me?" asked Lusi back still with his flat face.

"yes that's all my explanation for disappearing without saying goodbye."

"what do you expect after I hear your explanation ?"

"i hope you can understand my position and we can go back to what we used to be" he replied carefully and frankly because he did not want Lusi to misunderstand again.

"I used to really wish you could keep the promise you asked me, give you a chance 'to make my heart feel what your heart feels for me', ' she said', so that I can repay your love and affection for me, because I did not understand with my own heart and feelings for you" said Lusi staring at Bryan who was still looking at him gently lovingly.

"maybe it's because we don't know each other for long, so I don't know for sure how I feel about you, when you suddenly proposed to me to get married, you'd still remember that ?" lusi's question was answered nodding his head by Bryan.

"at that moment I was shocked and not ready, you know what 'cause ?" asked Lusi again who was answered shaking his head by Bryan.

"because my heart feels fear, pain, sadness, and disappointment. I don't understand with my heart and myself Ryan ? I don't know why I'm like that ? honestly I used to be afraid to be in a relationship with a man, either because I don't know ?" lusi said sadly who shook her head and lowered her head.

Bryan who saw the change in the face of Lusi looked sad, ventured to grab and hold gently the right hand of Lusi who was holding his drinking glass, and then took it, bryan's left hand could feel the coldness of Luci's right palm as a result of Lusi too long holding his cold drink glass.

Lusi who felt a soft grip on her hand raised her head and looked towards Bryan who was smiling gently at her.

"i knew and understood how you felt back then, so I didn't want to force you to accept my proposal to you, I ask and hope you give me a chance to make you feel what I feel, and I'm glad you gave me that chance, but instead I'm the one who left you and there's no news" said Bryan sadly.

"absolutely I have no intention of leaving you without news, it is far beyond my will and I cannot ignore my responsibility to the company and all the fates of my employees, he said, it was my fault for losing my phone and not remembering your contact to contact you immediately" she said sadly and expectantly so that Lusi could understand her circumstances at the time.

Lusi returned Bryan's soft grasp that looked sad.

"i didn't know who you were Ryan, I was disappointed you left without news when I had any hope of you helping me feel love and affection, when you left without news and long time no return, I felt that you might be disappointed and angry at my rejection, and I understood that."

"no Lusi. I am not angry at your refusal just a little disappointed because the woman I applied for and I love refused my application. But I understand that, maybe I was too quick to propose to you without asking for your readiness" said Bryan who quickly cut off Lusi's talk so that Lusi did not misunderstand him, and what Bryan said was honest in his heart.

"i'm glad you chose to leave because of your responsibility to the company and the fate of all your employees is more important than you ignoring it for personal feelings, your decision has been right and I'm glad to see you succeed and succeed now" said Lusi smiled and added tightly to his grasp.

Bryan was relieved and pleased that Lusi could understand his situation.

"what after you hear my explanation do you want to accept our relationship back ?" bryan asked smiling.

Lusi heard Bryan's question instantly dimmed the smile from his face, stretched his grip and pulled his hand gently from Bryan's grasp.

Lusi pulled and exhaled slowly. "sorry I'm Ryan, I can't." replied Lusi looking into Bryan's shocked eyes.

"but why Lusi ? do you already have another lover in my stead ?" bryan asked sadly and disappointed that Lusi refused to reconnect with him.

"it's not like that Ryan." replied Lusi shook his head.

"then what is Lusi ?" ask the wonder Bryan .

Lusi stared at the look of Bryan's disappointed and sad eyes at him, Lusi was happy to meet and see Bryan succeed and become successful, but Lusi could not accept his relationship with Bryan again like before, since her feelings for Bryan remain the same as they used to not change at all, there are no feelings for Bryan, what's more now she has absolutely no feelings for Bryan, so she can't get back into a relationship with Bryan without any feelings for him.

"that's not Ryan, I don't have a lover let alone a substitute for you, I'm still as alone as I was last before we met." lusi replied honestly while shaking his head and leaning his back on the back of the cafe chair.

"if you don't have another lover, why don't you want our relationship back ?" bryan asked relieved that he knew that Lusi was still alone and that he had no rivals, but he was astonished that Lusi did not want to return to him.

"because I don't have and feel any feelings for you as I used to, I'm sorry Ryan" said Lusi honestly and she didn't want to cover up anything else.

"i can still understand, wait and help you to be able to cultivate the feelings of love and affection in your heart for me, give me the opportunity like I used to, I beg Lusi" Bryan said trying to get Lusi out.

"forgive me Ryan I'd rather we like this close like friends, because we can freely talk" said Luci trying to smile.

"being our lovers can also be free and free to talk." Bryan still hopes for Lusi's decision to take him back.

"that's another Bryan, I'm more comfortable we're like friends."

"can't you really give our relationship and me another chance ?"

Susi again took a slow breath. "sorry I'm Ryan, I'm more comfortable we're friends."

"but I don't want us to be friends, I want us to be lovers." Bryan said.

Lusi furrowed his brows astonished to see Bryan was a little annoyed at him, and it was only natural that he did not get what he wanted, as Lusi wanted to talk again Bryan preceded Lusi.

"and you have to remember, between the two of us no one said the word break up, so we remain lovers." Bryan told Lusi to raise his index finger.

'pardon me for being selfish and being a little hard on you dear, because I don't want to lose you and be far away from you anymore.' Bryan murmured inwardly.

"you can't be like that dong Ryan, that's his name imposing your own will." replied Lusi who also started to get upset because Bryan made his own decision.

"i do not impose my own will, for it is such a reality ? when did we both say the word break up ?" bryan's stern question that makes Lusi really surprised.

'why did Bryan turn this selfish and couldn't accept reality ?' murmured Lusi in the heart, it was true from the past until they met at this time the two of them never said the word break up in their relationship.

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