Colour

Chapters 8. Aza

"We love you Aza, we know we don't deserve forgiveness. Live happily, that's enough for us." The voice of the man whom I had longed for his affection for, was still clearly stored in my mind.

I've been awake for 30 minutes before the man left for dinner. When asked how I felt, I was obviously still angry with them, I still hated them, and I was very disappointed in them.

Angry at the fact that I was a part of them, for 13 years ah. No, I realized that they treated me badly because I was different since I was 4 years old. Before that I probably went through a lot of torture that forced me to grow up at that age.

My great strength at that time was the figure of a real father who I was sure would love me, and at least would not hit me just because I accidentally kicked Hendri's shoes. Won't stare at me sharply because I think I'm the culprit of his tenuous relationship between Mr. Hendri and Mother.

Hate because they tortured me, scolded me, insulted me without finding out the truth first. If only they could think with cold heads and investigate faster about who I am, I wouldn't have gone through a bad time. And again, they hate me for a mistake that even I don't know about.

If it's true that I'm an illegitimate child, why don't they treat me more humanly. And I also hate myself for being able to understand all those circumstances at a young age. If given a choice I want to be an idiot, so that my mind is always positive like a child. I hate being more mature when it's not time for that.

And I was disappointed in those who rendered me powerless, no matter how much I rebelled, in the end I still needed them. Clenched my hands, tightly grasping the blanket that covered my body. Until someone came to open the door of the room where I was being treated.

The man was surprised as he looked at me, I just kept quiet. I could only make noise in my mind, but my body was just petrified. The man immediately rang the bell to call the medical personnel.

I want to talk, but my throat is choked. So that I could only say that I was thirsty, after I drank a glass of water the doctor came with his partner.

All of a sudden my body felt trembling, this was the same reaction when I had a brawl incident a while ago. I unconsciously gripped the arm of the man beside me, Dikta. I knew that this man was surprised, I was the same.

But gentle touch and communication is what Jacob or Amanda do when I suddenly panic. It has been 2 years that I have not felt panic anymore, because the Kusuma family also obeyed the prohibition to stay away from me. Until I got caught up in the brawl incident, my trauma surfaced again.

When Jacob said that I should be able to make peace, I also thought of him. Always was. But it's very difficult. I've been trying all along. Trying to forgive, trying to let go, and accept that this is the destiny given by God.

And when Jacob said it was as if he and Amanda couldn't go on next to me. Yep... It's true, they also have a personal life. They are very busy volunteers. And when I saw Dikta's panicked face yesterday I realized one thing, that I needed him.

I want to make Jacob and Amanda feel calm because there are people who are looking after me. I also want a little revenge on Dikta, because that man has already used me for his personal interests.

Yeah, I know. He was also forced to enter the circle between me and Kusuma's family. But I'm sure he enjoyed it too. Cunning. I'll teach her a lesson.

I caught you...

"Can you let go?" Ask, I just shook my head. Until I saw the shadow of someone standing at the door.

"There's people..." I said as I pointed at the door, I loosened my embrace on the man's arm.

"That must be your father, you want to meet?" Ask me, I smile in my heart, of course I want to. Because it's time to execute the plan.

"You're here..." I said slowly, I hate it when my mind and body are not friendly. My mind doesn't want to show my weak side, but my body does it naturally.

As soon as the old man appeared I immediately searched Dikta's arm, my fear could not be resolved until I grabbed the man's arm beside me. Until the old man opened the conversation, I had not been able to overcome my fears. Until when Dikta whispered me the sentence I had said in a mocking tone. It's enough to piss me off and feel challenged.

It made my fear quite distracted, so I could act normal. Gathering enough courage I called the old man.

"Yes, son..." The reply. The boy? Is that the word he calls me?

"I'm going to marry this guy." I tightened my grip on Dikta's fingers, waiting for the man's relaxed reaction. Likewise, Mr. Hendri who was only stunned by opening his eyes. Till,

"WHAT!" Say both together.

Yeah, I expected them to react like this. This is the craziest thought I've ever had. Even though I already know Dikta, I really don't know him.

But I'm sure, he can I use it so that Jacob and Amanda can calm down and my family does not bother me anymore. The perfect plan. And the best way to fool the enemy is to approach him.

"What the fuck, you don't joke!" Dikta let go of my hand, threw it rough.

"You're not kidding, are you, son?" Hendri asked, I shook my head. Then smile thinly, to them it might look like a smirk.

"I just don't want to worry you guys, Dikta has also saved me 2 times. That's why I realized I needed someone beside me." Reply me.

"We can give you a bodyguard son," replied Mr. Hendri quietly.

"I know all this time you've always done that, even Dikta is one of the people you've asked." Reply to me while looking at Dikta.

"But only Dikta is able to make me accept his presence." Dikta also stared back at the eyes of the brown iris who was staring at him.

"Because..." This is the last lie... "I love her." I clenched my hands tightly, my fear surfaced again. Dikta looked at me in disbelief, of course.

"But you're different, son." Sangkal mr. Hendri.

"Yes... From birth I was always different, right? I was never taught to know the god you believe in." The old man fell silent again, because as a child I was cared for by the late Yang Oko. He is muslim.

Remembering Yang Oko's service to my life made my head dizzy to cry. Thanks to Yang Oko secretly teaching me basic sciences, I was able to go through identity management quickly. Even though during Junior High I only took packages because I was chasing the lesson.

And he introduced me to his god, who I honestly didn't think was important at the time.

"Dad won't hinder my happiness like Lady Gayatri did, right?" I deliberately used the last ammunition, 'dad'. Silly enough, my stomach immediately nausea when saying it.

But I'm sure the old man will agree to my request immediately. I saw a clear speck of sparkle in his eye pelup, well... That's the impact of the word 'father'.

"Well son, if it's purely your wish." His gaze turned to Dikta, "Dad will accept her." Said Mr. Hendri.

"It's purely my wish, sir." I saw the water the old man's face instantly changed when I didn't call as he wanted.

"Now you can get out, I want to take a break." I said, I don't care how many times Dikta looks at me strangely.

"Okay, son, rest. And get well soon." The man then disappeared behind the door.