Colour

Chapters 26. I Am Mine (Aza)

I looked at the city view behind the glass window of my room on the 18th floor, feeling tired of myself. My hand is still on the infusion needle, I don't want to go to the hospital anymore. There's nobody I want to meet there.

As a result family,... Ah no father who brought doctors and other medical personnel to my room. My condition is quite light, for me... Compared to the things I've been through, this is all nothing.

I was very confused with myself, as if part of me was very eager to forgive my family, but part of me was very unwilling to get close to them.

"They're..." A gentle voice of a woman accompanied me this morning. My brother-in-law Devi was painstakingly taking care of me, and was with me ever since I woke up.

"Don't daydream, tell your sister... What Aza feels, what Aza wants to do. That's also if Aza doesn't mind." I just returned with a thin smile.

"Aza just wants to be alone first, sister, Aza promises it will be fine." My reply, the grown woman smiled warmly.

"Alright, brother will come out huh. Aza can rest freely." I just nodded faintly without staring at Devi's departure, the view of the city was much more soothing. And I can forget the complicated things in my mind.

I flinched as a pair of warm and large hands cupped my hands.

"So you can rest in peace, I'm fine." I said without looking at it one bit, but considering Devi's hand size couldn't possibly be this big, I turned my head quickly.

"You!!!" I spontaneously removed our hand links.

"They're..." He is Dikta. The only foreigner who made it to the list of important people in my life, but unfortunately his existence is only as a tranquilizing doll from the Kusuma family.

For six months I lost my memory, he was not trying to keep me. It only appeared once, and after that it disappeared somewhere. He could only be around me on Kusuma's orders.

"I don't need you, I don't want to love someone who can only show up because of someone else." My voice broke the silence that was happening.

Dikta looked at me softly, a gaze that I could not deduce what emotions were behind.

"I'll be fine even without you." Add me.

"They're..." Dikta grabbed my palm, and cupped it to two sides of his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm confused too. Do I have to hold on for you? What do you mean to me? Everything felt too fast and forced. But, strangely... For half a year I have been feeling very missed... On mu... The girl I married, who only shared a round roof. Thinking of you, will it be okay? What if you get scared again, what if you get allergies again. All of which I am quiet while assuring that you will always be happy with your family. Looking at the cheerful laughter, which I never even saw when you were with me... I feel sure you'll be fine living like that." My eyes were foggy, feeling sad and angry. Damn, I understand how he feels.

We were completely new to it, like most foreigners. Our meeting was also quite strange and bad. I also just wanted to play tricks on her at first, her mistake of taking this marriage seriously. Although there was no intention to divorce, at first I just wanted to make her a display and a shield that could protect me from abuse and pressure.

Unfortunately, everything felt increasingly strange, I who was an individual felt like leaning my head on his shoulder in the rest of my age. That feeling is very disturbing. Plus he is a Kusuma doll.

"Go." I said flat, the man cupped my face. His gaze was full of questions and disassociation.

"And I'll come back, pick up this princess who always wanted to be free." The reply.

"No need, I'll come to you, if I want. Who could save my life only myself." My reply, Dikta further tightened his embrace. I could only stand still, my head felt empty.

Her sad eyes looked at me, with my crazy mind grabbing her thin red lips. I rubbed gently, with my finger. The man's gaze was only locked in my eyes, until his big hand grabbed my hand which moved quite mischievously in our first meeting after my memory returned.

"Because I belong only to me, not to anyone. I'm the one who chooses what I have to do." I was wide-eyed when Dikta attacked me suddenly and gently. His thin lips were like he had been very skilled at scooping my ranum lips. Then he paused for a moment and said,

"And then's... I'm your..." He then continued what he had started.

"I will never remember it, yourself is yours." Reply slowly.

***

A gentle pat on my shoulder woke me up in the morning, and the sun was still hiding.

"Act... Get up," That melancholic voice entered my sense of hearing. I opened my eyes, and I found Dikta already fresh with a short-sleeved shirt and holster.

"Sholat with yuk." Invite him, whether I forget or not, it seems like this is the first time we pray together.

I immediately got up and brushed my teeth and took some ablution water, don't think weird. We didn't do anything last night, we just shared what stories we've been through.

Just last night I found out that Dikta has a younger sister, and she's been an orphan since she was a child. He's a really tough guy. Being able to survive this far must have been hard for him. And I was one of the problems that also weighed on his life's burden.

During my time as a mu'alaf I was only able to perform prayers, the prayer reading was only memorized. It cannot be like a person who has been born a Muslim.

I could not judge the chant of the holy verse that Dikta recited, but when my ears heard it my heart felt calm.

"When you go home, you learn to pay. There's a lot you have to understand." I just nodded while shaking his hand. He grabbed my forehead to catch it.

"Why?" I asked him when he looked at me again.

"You're always pretty." Her speech.

I didn't respond to her, as it held a strange, dusty feeling in my stomach. Until it makes my heart beat fast. Is this what you call a feeling of like? or. love?

For the time being, I myself cannot describe the kind of feelings I have for Dikta. To be sure I was always comfortable with him, hearing his voice, and his breathing when faced with my behavior or attitude that is often outrageous. I just thought, I need someone like him to be my friend in the future.