AMEERA'S LOVE STORY
PART 25'S
I woke up when I felt the cold air entering my body, I pulled the blanket higher until it covered my neck.
‘Cold once ..., long time I stay here can hypothermia.’
‘Ah, I forgot something. I forgot not to ask where my phone is at Heru.’
I woke up to meet Heru, who knew he was still awake. But apparently Heru wasn't in the living room. I looked at the back of the house and there was none. Then I walked towards the main door, intending to see if the motorcycle was still in place or not. Because if the motorcycle does not exist, then the owner left.
A little open the main door. I found Heru standing by the lake. What's Heru doing in the middle of the night blind like this?
I had just meant to get to him, but I immediately paused. Heru knelt by the lake, his head bowed deeply. I saw his shoulders shake a little. Is Heru crying? Then he started throwing small pebbles that he could reach. Is he angry?
I closed the door and immediately returned to my room. Meeting him at a time like this would only embarrass him. I better ask him in the morning.
Until the room did not immediately make me fall asleep again. My mind is still focused on Heru. Is it true that what I saw just now was Heru? I really have seen the fragile side of the man.
He always irritates me. He always looks relaxed when faced with problems. It turns out he's fragile, just like me. It was just that he was more able to control himself so as not to show his weak side before others.
Other than my biological father and Habibie, Heru was the next man to ever see me cry. In front of him, I could express whatever I was feeling.
God ... Can we not be together? I think I'm starting to fall in love with him. The feeling I feel right now for Heru is the same as it was when I was with Habibie first.
Lord ... Why is my love's destiny so complicated? I used to love a man so much, but I couldn't have him because of his parents' blessing. His parents wanted Habibie to get a companion who had a religious understanding equal to his family. And now when I had the green light from Heru's mother, another fact seemed to throw my thoughts to the bottom of the abyss, so deep and dark that I did not see a ray of light there.
Ah, I don't even feel entitled to think that way anymore. I realized, I had long since abandoned Him. I have committed many sins. Even now I blame my bad destiny, when all this time I never came close to Him.
I got up from my bed, walked towards the back of the house while occasionally wiping my tears that were constantly dripping without being ordered. No, this time it's not the story of my love that I cried. I weep for my foolishness, my error, and weep for all the sins I have committed.
I returned to my room after ablution. I am grateful that I did not forget the ordinances of ablution, and I seem to still remember the ordinances and the recitation of prayer. Yes, I have decided to improve myself, draw near to Him, and of course ask forgiveness for all the sins I have committed. Whether it is intentional or not.
But when I opened my backpack, I realized that I was not carrying any prayer equipment. I feel more guilty. I don't know when since I last wore it.
I looked around the room. Then I opened the closet in the room, hoping to find something I could turn my tools to face him. My attention was focused on a long cloth in the closet. Looks like it's sheets, new and clean. I took it and wrapped it around my head and body, then tied it to some parts so as not to be released when I put it on.
I smiled proudly at my own work. I turn my body to the right and to the left. Looking at the goods there were some parts that were open, but I saw everything was neat.
But this time I was again confused, I do not know where the Qibla direction. I remember where the sun rose and set, but I never even saw the sunrise. Because when I came here it was dark, and I woke up again when the sun had risen to its peak. I also did not see the sunset, because I was busy hiding under the blanket when the sun started to sink.
It turns out that in addition to many sins, I am also stupid and waste a lot of time for nothing. I even missed a day without giving any benefit. Oh my God, forgive this useless me. You must regret creating a useless creature like me.
I sit down on the bed. They felt contemptible and did not believe themselves to face Him. This time I really regretted my life for the last two years. I'm just chasing something I don't know what. I live my life without a purpose, without a plan. My life seemed to stop when I parted with Habibie. Without me noticing, I just spent some time just waiting and lamenting.
With makeshift equipment, I started my prayer ritual. And it ends with my bow, asking forgiveness for all the sins I have committed. Not to forget, I also ask that you be given sincerity to face all the problems that are happening to me.
‘Yes Allah .. Forgive me from all my sins, forgive me from all my sins, forgive me from all my folly, and forgive me for I have wasted my time in vain.
Forgive my sins to my parents, and forgive my parents' sins.
O Allah .. forgive my sins to my brothers, and forgive the sins of my brothers.
Forgive my sins to Muslims and Muslims, and forgive the sins of Muslims and Muslims.
O Allah .. Keep your servant away from those who are far from you, and come near to you from those who are close to you. Amin’
I ended my long prostration, then I looked back because I felt someone was watching me. And sure enough, Heru was standing there smiling at me.
“You have decided Ra,” he said.
I nodded while returning his smile, “Iya kak.”
“Alright then, I am there if you need me,” said Heru while pointing at the sofa in the guest room, “please continue, I do not want to disturb you.”
“Iya sis, thank you.”
I turned my eyes back. Remembering all the mistakes I've made, especially to those around me who I've accidentally hurt. Deni, Umar, Nita, and some of the men I accidentally gave false hope to. And most of them are people I know on social media.
I'm determined, tomorrow morning I'll start my apology mission. And it started with my media social friends.
***
