Why Should I..?.!?

1. Can't go to college..?

A choice...

A drama of life that I must live with spaciousness of heart, .

A hope that immediately ran aground even though I just wanted to start, wanted me to knit beautifully, .

One wish I've dreamed of since the gray white days,.

One goal I wanted to achieve to show the world that my family wasn't that low,.

However, my dream is just an empty wishful thinking, only a dream that I always have at the end of the night.I know those who always look down on my family will definitely laugh at my wishes, I know, village girl who wants to go to college in the capital,.

"Heh, there's nothing you want to sock-sook a list of lectures in the Capital, dream..!"

"Either the debt in the warung mak Yah tuh paid off first, then it can go out of the cage (out of the hometown)"

"Poor is poor, don't be pretentious to go to college, immediately find a job, or just marry instead of being a burden on the family"

Almost every day a subtle or harsh satire is heard. Indeed, my father and mother did not talk about it in front of me but I know their views always seemed a little glazed when I saw me studying alone with a stack of guide books entering the Garuda campus.

"Sister, it's late, the learning continues tomorrow yes." said mother when she caught me studying jam through midnight.

"Yes ma'am.", I said slowly. I saw the look on his face that was always shady, always smiling in front of me.

Mom, I know you're worried about my future, even if you support me but our economy doesn't allow you to be with me, I know you're hiding your anxiety, I know ma'am,

I won't give up...!!!

"Mom.t thank you.", I said as I hugged my mother, feeling the warmth of her affection touching my heart.

"So sister.why use thank you all, let's go to sleep, it's night, tomorrow so to school right, want to see the results of the scholarship list yesterday?", asked the mother while breaking my arms.

"Yes ma'am.. do'ain Anya escaped ya ma'am..",

"Yeah, let's go to sleep," my mother covered me and then hijacked to leave my room.

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My name is Anya Zahrotul Jannah, 3rd grade SMK in one of the S cities, I want to go to college, I want to work in one of the big offices in the capital of this country. I want my parents to be proud of my achievements. I studied seriously, even without taking lessons I could be a class champion so my parents didn't have to pay SPP money every month.

"Himaaaa... we are lososss...!!!" shouted Aini, my classmate who was also with me enrolled in the famous university in the Capital.

"Alhamdulillahhh.. What is it? meaning the day after tomorrow we can go together huh.", I said as I watched his suddenly somber look on his face. "Hey.... why? Seneng koq is now lethargic.. hungry huh? go to the canteen..". I immediately pulled his hand, took him running, passed by the other friends who had just arrived.

"I'm sorry, yeah", said Aini while looking down, not daring to look at me again like that.

'why is this boy? a moment a moment of sadness, use an apology anyway', I murmured.

"Sorry yes I can not be with you tomorrow, father asked uncle to take me, father will only allow me there if I am the same uncle.sorry I am Yes.."

DUARR.....!!

like being struck by lightning during the day, almost my tears came out right then and there, but I held back. Aini rubbed the corner of her eyes, feeling guilty for me because she who had dragged me to be with her enrolled in the scholarship path, promising to continue together until the campus gate of dreams, to, promise to join hands together through every corner of the capital later.

"It's okay" I said flatly, holding back the thump of my broken heart, suppressing my indeterminate emotions.

'I must be strong, I will not give up, I will not give up, I will not give up', my mind.

I knew Ainipun could not bear to leave me alone. I held his cold hand, maybe afraid I was angry with him or maybe he hesitated to go on or not without me.

"He, if you can't go there, I won't go either" he said, tearfully, knowing that I won't be able to go there alone, he knows the economy of my family, and he said, he knows everything about me.

"Heh what the hell is it. You have already left, I'll God willingly follow. We'll meet there, okay?", I'll erase the tears that turn out to be more and more flowing.

"I'm sorry.sorry.." she stood up, hugged me, apologized many times. I just closed my eyes. Sighs long. Quiescent. I pat his back slowly which goes up and down in rhythm with his sobbing. Fortunately the atmosphere of the canteen was still quiet so no one was watching our drama.

"Udah Ai. embarrassed to know later diliatin other cement, like to separate far away", ledekku while smiling thinly at him.

"It's not cool, people apologize even spelled drama", he said frowning.

I just laughed in response.

"You've come home yokk, there are no more activities, right?", I said to divert our discussion.The canteen began to crowded but my heart felt lonely. Aini my only wish that could take me to the capital has left me. Mom and Dad raised their hands if I wanted to go to college. I can't ask them any more. They've worked so hard that I can graduate SMK.

"OKAY. Let's Go..!!", Aini was excited again.he took my hand, paid for our food and walked straight to the school gate. We split up at a crossroads. Aini waved at me, then turned towards her house.

I walked back, enjoying the afternoon sun. Observing a traveling food merchant who passed by with his motorbike or cart. Sometimes there are children who call, smile, and buy their merchandise. They never give up their jobs. Every day is full of enthusiasm even though you do not know how much money will be.

Arriving across the street in front of my house, I went back to contemplating.

'Daddy I'm sorry Anya. Anya can't make you happy. But Anya promised Anya would find work. Anya will work best. Anya wants to see you smile proudly looking at Anya. He wants to improve our economy. Anya promise.' I said in my heart.

'So, what am I going to do now?, look for work, where?, who is it?, how do I do?, I don't know at all this city area, ' I murmured very slowly. I may have just graduated from school, but I'm not giving up. I don't know many places, but there's not a cell phone, there's a lot of friends out there.

"Huuuffff.", I blew a bang on my forehead.it chatted with my own mind.Dreaming what I would do after this.

"alright. Not going to college is no problem. I definitely need to be independent. I don't want them insulting my family anymore. I'll work hard. Bismillah.. sure I bissa.!!, I said excitedly before entering the house.

"Assalamu'alaikum.", I opened the door, deserted, maybe mom is still drying laundry. I rushed to my room, changed clothes, tidied up the books I had brought to school.

"Kaaakk.. Brother is home?", mother walked towards me. His gaze was sad, the tip of his eyes were wet, his movements were stiff. I saw my mother saying something but fell silent again. What is this.......?????

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