Why Different?

Don't Stay in the Past

Since reuniting with Blue, Juan has been daydreaming more often. He often invites back memories he has shared with Baskara and his friend Pain Killer over the years. How the figure of Baskara cheerful and nicknamed mood maker is always able to make the atmosphere become lively. How Baskara with his intelligent brain has always been able to take them out of trouble and nail a position in a safe place. Also, how does Baskara always install the frontmost body to ensure they are all safe from any distractions.

Hearing Blue's words about Baskara's life during the escape period made Juan's heart ache. Imagining the usual bright smile he saw thousands of times—but at the same time he was grateful—disappearing from Baskara's face made Juan feel as if a stab that came crashing into his weak beating heart. Then, he began to believe one thing; the events that occurred from 5 years ago were not just murder events. There are other things greater than that, which unfortunately none of Baskara or Fabian are willing to share.

"Ju," in the fanfare that had only occurred inside Juan's head, Zahira came to the rescue. His delicate palm touched the back of Juan's hand lying limp on the porch table. His shady net looked at my dear Juan's face which was far from good. "What's the problem?" the question is no less gentle.

Juan pulled away from the contents of his collapsed head, looked back at Zahira then exhaled a long breath full of despair. "Here," he pointed to his own head. "Thanks, Za. It's like there's thousands of bees nesting in there, making noises that make me dizzy instead of playing."

"here." Without saying much, Zahira asked Juan to bring his head closer. Then with her other hand, the woman rubbed Juan's head gently, slowly, as if she were trying to pull out a colony of bees that was disturbing the contents of her lover's head. "They just stopped by, it won't take long." He said a while later.

As Zahira was about to pull his hand from Juan's head, Juan held him back. "Do it again, Za. Please." Imploringly. Because miraculously, the dizziness in his head slowly reduced as Zahira rubbed his head slowly.

Zahira doesn't mind. She did what her lover asked with sincerity that could not be expressed in mere words. Even without speaking, even without tranquilizing sentences, Zahira was still able to make Juan feel safe. That's what Zahira Casanova is all about, which Juan knows he won't find in anyone else.

Dawdling with the head swab scenes, Juan finally asks Zahira to stop.

"Better?" ask Zahira.

"Yes." Yeah." Juan retaliated.

"Can you tell me? Or do you keep everything to yourself?" ask the women again.

For a moment, Juan thought. Then, he decided to tell her everything from the beginning. About his meeting with Sabiru, until what things Sabiru said about Baskara during their escape.

Zahira listened carefully. Never once did he cut Juan's words. He would only speak when Juan started asking him to come out.

"I feel guilty for not being able to be by her side during her difficult times, Za." Regret is real. If possible, Juan wants to ask that he can be given the opportunity to accompany Baskara during a difficult time many years ago.

"That's a choice Baskara has made, Ju, we have to respect that." Wisely, Zahira said so. "Sometimes, there are some people who really need to pull over so that he can recover from what has made him sick. Killer Pain, Neosantara. Those three things might make it even harder for him to heal, if he doesn't have the courage to go away all three for a while."

"And you see? He's back now. That means, no matter how far he goes, he doesn't really intend to leave you. He went to heal himself, and when he came back, didn't that mean he was healed and could start over?"

"So, Ju, instead of continuing to feel sad and guilty about something you can't control, why don't you prepare to welcome him again? Why don't you prepare yourself for the best version of being a better friend than you were years ago? Life goes on, Ju, we can't stay in the past."

Can't stay in the past.

Juan began to ponder over that phrase more than in previous days. So many years passed, in fact he still often found himself trapped in bad memories from the past. He still occasionally regretted what happened, still often wishing that it was all just a dream and he only needed to wake up to make the nightmare go away.

However, if all this was just a dream, does that mean that the good parts where he could walk this far to get to Zahira were also part of the dream itself?

In the end, all Juan could do was try to accept. Everything. Everything that had happened and he should have left far behind.

Zahira's right. He could not continue living in the past, carrying regrets that he knew would not change anything. Because even if he returned to that time, there would be nothing he could do to stop his intention of escaping.

Now, Juan can only do his best to welcome Baskara home, as Zahira had previously revealed. At the same time also prepared to welcome the return of Fabian, who somehow will become a reality.

Seriate