Why Different?

I wish that

“Why were you, Za? Back and forth directly hit me, continue to cry like that? Any more problems? Someone in the hospital bothers you?” Juan mencari. After finishing dinner, he brought Zahira to speak together on the porch of the house while Abi Hamzah and Umi Maryam performed congregational prayers. Zahira was coming by the moon, so the woman did not participate.

“I also don't know why.” After saying that, Zahira sighed. When asked why she was crying, Zahira also did not know the reason. When she found Juan laughing so loosely with Abi when she knew he was not really good, Zahira felt something tight in her chest so her tears were unbearable.

“Kok that? Everything you feel has a cause, Za. It's not possible just because you're menstruating and becoming more sensitive, right? No, deh, I guess. As sensitive as you are if you are menstruating again, usually not up to kayak gini.” Unsatisfied with Zahira's reply, Juan pulled the woman's arm to sit next to him. Zahira had preferred to stand on the side of the door while playing his fingers. “Come, tell me. Why are you really?”

“I don't know, Juan.” Zahira still with the same answer. “When I see you again joking with Abi, do not know why it feels so crowded here.” He touched her while touching his own chest.

“Surely because you still think about me leaving home.” Quite frankly, Juan voiced his own analysis.

Seeing the lack of denial from Zahira, Juan knew his guess must be correct. It was as gentle as Zahira's day. Although she had repeatedly assured the woman that she was fine, and her departure was not accompanied by a complicated fight with Mama, Zahira would not be that easy to believe.

So, what should Juan do? Should she take Zahira to the place where she lives now, then take her to the Big House to meet with Mama so that her lover is sure that things are still fine?

But, he could not do that in a hurry. First, he knew Zahira was not the typical one who could lie. So, she knew, sooner or later after she told Zahira where she was now, that she would definitely share the information with Reno. Juan didn't want that to happen. He still wanted to hide himself, at least until he managed to bring Zahira to visit the Big House and make sure his presence would be well received by Mama.

Sure, it's not an easy thing. Like trying to bring a cute little kitten into a vicious hunting dog cage. Juan had to tame his dog first, so that the little cat could enter slowly and they could start making friends.

“I’m okay, Za. Totally fine.” Juan said, trying to convince. “I live in a comfortable house, and until this morning, I still call Mama to tell her I'm fine. There's nothing you need to worry about.”

“I know, Ju.” Zahira. “I know you will not be rash in making a decision. But I still can't calm down before you tell me where you live now. You can just say your current residence is decent, but it is worth it according to your current version what it looks like? I need to know.”

“The house I live in now is no smaller than this house.” Finally, only to the extent that Juan can provide information. “Udah, enough?”

“Ngak.” Zahira shook her head violently. “You can just ngarang.”

Juan breathed a frustrated sigh. Why doesn't Zahira believe it? Does he look too much like a poor man who can't afford a house for him to live in after escaping?

“Take me there, then I believe.” Urge Zahira again.

“I will definitely take you there, but not now.”

“Why not? Wait what?”

“Wait for better condition. I'm trying to make things work better, so please trust me and wait for the result.” Mumba Juan. He didn't want to talk about this for long. Because if constantly treated to the look from Zahira like now, he might end up giving up and revealing everything. Oh, naw. It can't be.

While Juan could say that, Zahira still had doubts. What if things weren't better than before? What if his presence was increasingly unacceptable, and they had to end it all in vain after all the struggles they had put in all this time? What if...what if they end up being nothing, someday?

But in the end, all Zahira could do was exhale while nodding his head slowly. Juan wants to be trusted, then for the first time, let him do it.

...🍁🍁🍁...

Not yet over his anger because of the problem of Juan leaving the house, Zahira was made to feel wrong again when Abi told himself the intention of Juan's arrival to their home today. Abi said Juan came late in the afternoon, after Ashar prayers while carrying three bags of crackles filled with fruits, food and breathable brand snacks.

Such an arrival was common, so at the beginning of the conversation, Zahira did not pay too much attention. However, when Abi finally said that right after Abi was performing Maghrib prayers, Juan suddenly expressed his desire to be taught about Islam, Zahira practically quit all activities he was doing.

His originally gushing focus was more on the big television in the living room that was featuring the drama series he was watching regularly every night instantly switched completely to Abi. Still half in disbelief, Zahira stared at her father without blinking.

“Abi was also surprised when Juan suddenly said that, Za. Abi was worried, he was doing it all just so that he could continue to be with you, so that he could propose to you.” Abi Hamzah took a hard breath as he recalled how balanced he was a few hours ago. “But, just as Abi nanya is the same as him is he earnest, Juan replied he was serious. He can even answer with confidence when Abi nanya will he not regret if it turns out that after he sold all that, you still can not be equally.”

That's always been Zahira's concern, Abi. Zahira complained in his heart. If you want, Zahira had urged Juan to start learning Islam. But he never did it because he knew that trust came from himself. He did not want Juan to believe what he did not believe, especially if the reason was only so they could be together.

Throughout their five years of dating. Juan almost never mentioned their differences. The man also never expressed the intention to embrace Islam like himself, so Zahira thought his relationship with Juan would indeed continue to run in an uncertainty of—entah until when.

No hypocrite. When he heard Juan was finally willing to start studying Islam, Zahira was happy. Because that means, the seriousness that the man always said so far is not just a joke. However, considering the current conditions that are struggling are not noisy, the sense of pleasure is immediately set aside, it was replaced by concerns that the decision Juan took would bring the man's relationship with his mother to worse.

“Abi to nanya many times, Za, and Juan's answer remains the same. He is sure, and he will not regret anything that will happen to your relationship later. If so, Abi can't do anything anymore, dong. Finally Abi just a request him.” Abi Hamzah later said.

Zahira still did not answer. He was too confused to respond to his father's words. To celebrate the pleasure that had been left out even far away, he already had no chance.

“Well, hopefully this is the right decision, yes, Za. And if this must be the way, may Juan's journey to Islam be facilitated by Allah, yes, Son.”

But more important than that, we should pray more so that Juan does not turn into an ungodly son, Abi. Unfortunately, Abi still does not know about Juan who escaped from home, so Zahira can not say it out loud.

Again, Zahira had to languish alone. Praying; everything is going better. Just as Juan said, even with Abi.

Seriate