When Love Fades

sincere but not willing

Clear falling granules shamelessly wet the cheeks. Can't stop. Seeing the people I love disappear from my sight.

"Rena, wake up. Come on... He went to come back. Not for ever.. C'mon Rena.. You have to stay up.. For the sake of your children.. You have to prove to your husband and in-laws that you can make your own money not to continue to depend on your husband".

Yeah, that's the voice of my heart that made me wake up from the slump all along. I can't do anything and always rely on my husband.

"La. I have to get up". I rubbed my tears with an excited heart. Wish I could get through this.

"Mom, where are you going ?". Alfan ran to me.

"Dad's work son". I hugged my son and returned to tears.

"Father work to buy toys Alfan and sister ya ma'am ?".

"Yes son. Dad went long. Alfan doain dad yes, let me get a job that suits my father's wishes".

"Amin ma'am".

From a distance I saw Sahil also running towards me. He ran and laughed like there was no burden. It's beautiful to see it.

"Kids Mothers are all smart". I hugged my two kids. Unlike Sahil, he is currently twenty months old, so he has not understood all of this.

"It's late in the afternoon, let's take a shower."

"Just a minute, Mom, please . Alfan still wants to play?". Rayu Alfan while cupping her hand begging me.

"cnpmmm .... Alright.. Don't you take it long".

"Ready mom... Let's play again.".

I went into the room and continued my crying.

Remembering the departure of Mas Alan this afternoon. And I haven't answered her question about remarrying. Seeing him go away I couldn't imagine him getting married again.

Actually Mas Alan really wanted to go to the holy land. Yeah, maybe this is Mas Alan's path from God to realize his wish. By working there he could set aside his salary to go on Hajj.

But if to marry again. I don't know if it's still too hard to think about it right now.

"yeah. Whether I can live my life without Mas Alan. Servant loves him very much. Is there no other way?".

Sometimes I am like a woman in general. Weepy. Many protest against God's will. Perhaps angels are confused by my attitude and will. Never thought but wanted to think. Never understood but always wanted to be understood. More selfishly.

"triingg.". I saw my phone ringing. And sure enough it was a message from Mas Alan.

(Dec. I've been on the bus. They leave yes... Take care of my two heroes. I love you).

Yeah... Alan was waiting for the bus at the counter not far from home, about ten minutes away.

But I could not hold back these tears, and again I prayed.

(yes, be careful on the road.

We'll all miss you. I love you to).

It turns out that it hurts more in a stay away husband than in a break up of a boyfriend. My lips can say and smile. But the heart cannot lie. Honestly, I was disappointed in God's will.

After dinner, I was still crying. We usually have four dinners. This time it was just three. There is something lacking in my eyes and heart.

"Mom, when are you coming home ?". Alfan asked again.

"Darling, my father came home a long time ago. Don't wait for Dad". I held my son's hand and I cried again.

"Yes Mom. Mother don't cry. Alfan's not naughty".

"Dear baby, it looks like my sister is already sleepy. We're bobo yuk". I took the kids into the room and fell asleep.

I remember the first time I met Mas Alan. That morning my best friend Tia gave my cell phone number to her friend's sister. That's Alan.

"Rome ......". Tia called me from a distance.

"What the hell is screaming ". I was wondering while waiting in front of the campus gate.

"I'm sorry before. You can be angry with me". Tia tried to explain while walking towards the classroom.

"Lo means what the hell. How I don't understand".

"This is my story.

semalem his brother Temen gua asked for a girl number. He was looking for someone ready for marriage. I was just Elu. So yes by forced and happy cave love number you. heheheheheheheeh". Tia's face was as innocent as ever.

"Lo's not a dream anymore, is he ?

you mean what try ?

Do you want me to marry someone I don't know at all ? Crazy Lo ?".

"That's not what Ren meant. I understand how rich Lo's relationship with Arya is. Bokap Lo just don't agree. But he is now where. Are alive is dead. Keep what you expect from him. Try to think ?."

"Tia stop !!! Don't talk about it !".

"Why can't I talk about this.

I can see you playing with that rich jerk guy he is. If there is a new phone number. Must Lo lift. Mandatory !". only this time I saw Tia this angry same me.

Maybe Tia's talk has a point. And there's no harm in trying. Because leaving the inappropriate and establishing yourself for the worthy is the best choice.