When Love Fades

a troubled heart

Still can't believe everything Mas Alan said. This really makes me unable to say. My body feels so weak.

I heard Mas Alan was talking to someone on the phone.

"Well Bi, I'll go to Bali whenever Bibi pinta. I'm always ready.

For a while my wife and children lived in the village first".

"Mas. Who ?". I asked him while whispering.

"sshhtt party". Reply me.

" Faster is better".

"Good bi, thank you. Assalamualaikum".

"How about Mas ?". Askaqua.

"Can Deck. Mas actually left for Bali, but wait for news from bi Anita first. There are employees who want to go out. So you have to wait patiently.

"Already Deck. There will be a way. This intention is good. I don't want to be confused. They want work. I'll talk to Abi. Abi must have given permission.

It looks like Mas Alan is very excited to go to Bali. But this heart still doubts and does not believe.

"Mom, Alfan is not a snack today. Let's go buy some snacks". Alfan began to whine and it would continue if his wish had not been fulfilled. This is what makes Mas Alan determined to work abroad.

"Aalfan want some ice cream ?? Tomorrow night with dad, huh ?". Mas Alan tried to seduce Alfan even though he himself did not know where to buy his son's snacks.

"Really Dad ? Alfan wants a chocolate and strawberry taste".

"Yes dong. Alfan is free to choose any.

Now Alfan's sleeping yeah".

"ready Dad".

I can't imagine if Alan's gonna leave. What about the kids.

What else Sahil who likes to ask to talk to his father.

"Dec, the rice is still there ?".

"Still Mas. Are you hungry ?". I saw Alan holding his stomach.

"Yes, the kayak fried rice is delicious". He approached me while kissing my cheek.

"All right I'll make. Yes wait".

"navadora .... Household fried rice is ready. Happy enjoying".

"wawww like her delicious ..".

I looked at the face of Mas Alan who was eating his fried rice. I'm actually not very good at cooking. Sometimes Mas Alan ranting that my cooking is not good.

"Laper is so. What is hunger ? It's finished hehe".

"Lapar is yes. But later if Mas is already in Bali definitely do not taste your cuisine anymore. Hehe".

"That's badgering". I pouted while taking the plate that Mas Alan was holding.

"No, that's my dear. Let's sleep".

"What time is it. Usually adhan dawn just sleep.Gak usually very loh". Like I don't understand what Alan means.

"Come dooong..". Alan hugged me from behind and I started to understand what he wanted.

We walked towards the room. And I see the kids are asleep.

Then I lay my body down next to Alan's.

"Is it my determination to go to Bali?". I tried to ask again as I brought my face closer to Mas Alan's.

"Dek, when are you messing around. My mind is very, very round. The globe.

Never mind Deck, we forget all tonight. I can't stand it".

He started*******my lips kept on and on until I had trouble breathing. Sometimes I let go of her kiss to catch my breath. This time he was very violent, not as usual.

Touch by touch He enjoyed it. But this heart crossed agitated if it remembered the departure of Alan mas later.

Yeah.just this time I'm doing my duty with tears. Could this be the tears of separation. Then what is it like to be the wife of a TNI Member or other state apparatus whose husband always left behind to carry out duties from the state. I can't imagine what the pain would be like. Maybe it hurts more than I feel right now.

I wiped my tears before Mas Alan found out. Because the room lights are broken. And no money to buy.

"Haahhh "I heard the sound****** Mas Alan seems to have finished his shot. And different from me. I didn't enjoy it at all. My mind is always on the parting.

"Thank you dear. Muachh". in his kisses both my cheeks and lips. Then he slept. I went out of the room and continued my crying.

I cried as I covered my face with a blanket so that no one would hear it. Just imagine that I can't do it, what else if this really happens. It's gonna hurt a lot.

Resignedly. That's all I can do right now. All of this must have been explained by God. I can't do anything. I'm just sure everything's gonna be okay.

I realized that I was not a grateful wife, never thought about the husband's wishes and never made the husband happy. But I keep trying to be the best for my husband and children. Although there has been no result. Even circumstances that make mas Alan have to work away with family.