When Love Fades

Debts that accumulate

Early in the morning, I got some bitter coffee from someone.

"When do you pay all your debts. Huh !!!".

Mbak Leni's voice that blared like lightning that struck me made me even more afraid.

"Yes Ma'am, later if Mas Alan has money . I must have paid". Answer me while bowing my head and trembling body

"Yes but when did your Mas Alan have the money. Every day his work is just sleeping. Where is he now !!. Must be sleeping.

It's already nine in the morning Renata!!". Mbak Leni while showing the clock that is circular in his hand.

"Ran me. How do you want to have a husband like him. Sleepyhead.

I'm here in one week. And I don't want to know. There must be money. Know you !!!".

"iiiya Mother. I understand".

After that Leni went out from before me. And he seemed to be getting away from my sight.

I owe him a lot, not to anyone else.

Our lives are mediocre. We could eat, we were so grateful. Mas Alan's work is not fixed. That's what makes us owe you here and there. Initially for business capital, but over time the trading is quiet. I don't know why. I don't know either.

I always feel guilty if I am owed by anyone. Including mbak Leni. I never owe anyone anything before I get married. But after marriage my debt piled up.

I walked into the house and I saw Mas Alan still sleeping.

"Have gone his man Dik ? ?". Suddenly, Alan's voice surprised me.

"Already Mas. Alan heard that, huh ?". I walked up to Mas Alan on his bed.

"Listen. You are patient. Maafin. Because I can't make you happy". Mas Alan said softly as he stroked my head.

"Yes Mas. It'sit's okay. I'm happy if my head is rich in gini elus". Answer me with a small smile.

"Yes already. You're cleaning up".

"Lohs.. Where are we going, man ?". Askaqua.

"We're in Yanguti's place, Alfan seems to have missed Yanguti. We haven't been there in a long time either".

"Yes already. I'm getting ready first yeah". I was about to get up from beside Mas Alan but he pulled my hand.

"S kiss her where ?". Pinta Mas Alan while pointing his cheek at me.

"The muah muah ". I kissed her two soft cheeks and her lips. It was a simple thing that made us happy.

Then I hurried to leave Mas Alan in the room with Alfan and Sahil.

I got married six years ago. And was given two sons. I don't want a daughter yet. Even though Alan wanted it.

"Mom, where are we going ? How did you get the gini?". Alfan asked in surprise as he rubbed his eyes.

"We're going to Yanguti's place." Answer Alan who came out of the bathroom.

"What's mom ??". It was as if Alfan was unsure of his father's words.

"Horeeeee.....". Alfan jumped in amazement which made his sister wake up.

I stopped my activities and approached Sahil in the room.

Alfan is currently five years old. He should have gone to Paud school. But because our economy is not enough. So we haven't sent him.

Every time we run out of money, Yanguti's house is the last resort. Mas Alan is very dear to his Umi. What he asked for must have been obeyed. Even if it's money. But Abi Mas Alan was very hard. He often hit Umi, slapped and even kicked her. Only Umi was patient in facing Abi's tough attitude.

During the journey of less than an hour. Set us up in the house of Yanguti. The only home that gives us comfort.

"Assynoga". Alfan said his greetings before entering the Yangutinya house.

"Greetings waalaikum..".Sound from a distance. Looks like Umi from behind.

"Lohs.... Grandson Yanguti. Why not call first if you want to come here ?". Greet us cheerfully while kissing Alfan and Sahil.

"Yes Yangti, wake up Alfan asked here, Sahil is also fussy from yesterday, maybe miss his yanguti." My husband answered while taking off his monkey jacket.

I looked at every corner of the room but I didn't see Abi.

"Take where Yangti is". I asked while kissing the back of my in-laws hand.

"Abi's out, maybe to Luna's. From the morning Luna didn't come here."

Yeah, Luna is my husband's mother's son. More precisely Luna is my husband's niece. The children of Mbak Iren are very dear to Abi. But Alan never took issue with it. For him it was common.

"If you call first, Yanguti cook a lot". Yanguti walked towards the kitchen while preparing food for us.

"Eat Nduk. Yangti only cooks shrimp sambal. Your Abi's favorite."

"Mi's Eggs". Answer me slowly. The stomach has been hungry ever since. We all had no breakfast, not that I didn't want to cook, but the sheets used to buy food didn't exist.

It was as if Umi knew we had not had breakfast. Because the money is Rp. 10,000. And it was bought gasoline by Mas Alan.

Not that my husband is not good at making money, I feel as a wife who is not good at encouraging husbands. And the most important thing is that I can't help him make money.

In the past, Alan hoped to get a good wife, manut same husband, love the same husband, and also able to make his days beautiful. But hope does not match reality.

Early marriage I adapted to Mas Alan's family. It is quite difficult to keep up with those who are all entrepreneurs. While I was born from a simple family whose skills are only farming.

Abi, who was very hard on his wife and children, made me feel like there was nothing compared to them. Until now I still think why God put me in this very hard family.

"O Allah, draw me close to those who are close to You. And drop my love on the one who harbors his love for You".

That's a prayer I used to say when I was single. I would love to live in a family with high religious values. So that I can increase my faith.

And God has given me my prayers. I have a husband who worshiped. Another thing that made me love him was his good looks. Purple Pasha lost her good looks to my husband. That's according.

So many difficulties I faced, made me strong. Depressing the sense of inferiority and self-confidence that had been sitting in me all this time.

I'm a woman who can't do anything and always rely on her husband. Dreaming that life after this marriage will be as happy as a fairy tale or novel.

But the truth is not. Continuing to follow the flow of life makes me understand something, namely trying, facing the big rocks that block, or having to plunge into a steep abyss.

Rise up and try to climb up but still slip and fall back.