The Suffering of the Wife I Divorced

Chapter 27

"In addition to feelings of horror, paranoia, changes in diet, drastic sleep disorders, excessive worry, headaches, many frightening thoughts that come, nausea, and fever that I just mentioned, he said, are there any additional symptoms?"

"Sometimes I find it difficult to concentrate" Amara added frankly. "Keep if it's been a panic, my heart rate is more rapid, ntarnya suddenly the same back hands out dry cold."

The old man's doctor nodded while scraping a pen on paper, writing down another set of symptoms that Amara started with. While fixing the reading glasses perched on his nose, the doctor grabbed a document from Amara's laboratory examination. Then search for any information and numbers listed on the list.

"This is a test two weeks ago, huh?" The doctor peeked at Amara at a glance from the top of the eyeglass frame to see the patient nod.

"Yes, less is more." Amara tells her to follow what Bian says, so that she can tell you everything, so that the doctor can diagnose her more cheaply. "Three days before mating, I check again after the previous TORCH test after five months of gestational age, because it is often dizzy, afraid of having anemia or high blood pressure."

"Hemoglobin 15.0 g/dl, normal. Leukocytes, platelets, are still fairly normal" said the doctor calmly. "SGOT— Serum Glutamic Oxaloacetic Transaminase, enzymes in the liver (liver), heart, kidneys, to the brain, the number is also normal. The SGPT is also good …"

The doctor's eyes scanned the information and the numbers below, then again muttered, "Judging from the test results, as a whole, starting from the Ureum, creatinine, albumin, globulin, GDS— Blood Sugar At a time, etc, urine protein, bilirubin, glucose, red and white blood cells, to cholesterol, are all fairly normal. It's great that I brought the results of the examination at the beginning of the consultation."

"My ngingetin husband," Amara admitted what it was.

"It seems like an experience" the doctor commented calmly. "Did mom come with her?"

"Yes." Yeah." Amara nodded, then turned her head to the side, on the partition of the consulting room divider which was only one and a half meters away by two meters. Then Amara lowered her voice, aware that the partition was only half the wall, believing Bian might have overheard the conversation.

"My husband was there" said Amara stiffly, with a small smile from the doctor. "She was worried that I would not be free to take all my complaints to the doctor."

"That's right," said the doctor with a smile that widened until the bone wrinkles on his cheeks became more noticeable. "There are some things that you may not be able to say in front of your husband because of certain alesan. So, this is better for now. And I'd like to ask you some more specific questions before finally diagnosing."

So, Amara began to explain everything that haunted her, answering all the questions of the doctor one by one. Starting from the fear of losing Biandra, also strange things that broadly make the doctor surprised.

"There was one night I once thought my son suddenly died from breast cover when I was giving ASI continued to accidentally fall asleep," continued Amara while shedding tears. "But next time, I thought about killing my son. I want my son to die together. I am tired of living. I lost everyone's trust."

The doctor pulled some tissue from her box and thrust it at Amara, concerned about her condition.

"Okay, Mother" said the doctor calmly. "Judging from all the symptoms and complaints, I don't think it's early enough to diagnose that the mother has Postpartum anxiety— or what is commonly called postpartum anxiety."

"My husband yesterday said I'm like a baby blues guy." Amara stuffed her nose with a tissue and threw the lump into a trash can near the table. "Is it the same? But in fact both of them I don't know what they mean."

"If you have heard the term baby blues or postpartum depression (postpartum psychosis), this is a postpartum mental disorder. One that is also often experienced by mothers after giving birth, it's like I said earlier, postpartum anxiety or postpartum anxiety …"

"This postpartum anxiety disorder is also still related to Postpartum Depression— PPD, reported by the American Pregnancy Association, it is

it affects about 10 percent of new mothers" the doctor said diplomatically. "All the signs you've experienced are herding there."

"Some concerns are sometimes adaptive— is easy to adjust to circumstances. Anxiety is indeed a natural response to protect the baby you are born with, and often it is expressed with excessive vigilance and alertness."

"Can I do it like that?" asked Amara, feeling restless. "What cause? I used to not be a gini. I can control my emotions."

The doctor fixed his reading glasses again as he continued, "When Mother's worries began to irrational— is not based on reason, and uncontrollable, it means that Mother has experienced postpartum anxiety (PPA). Unlike the postpartum depression which usually leaves a sense of sadness, or extreme disinterest in the baby. PPAs generally leave a constant feeling of worry. And mothers who experience PPA, tend to lose the ability to calm down and balance between mind and reality."

Amara nodded while grabbing some tissue from the doctor.

While the doctor explained, "PPA is also often referred to as a hidden disorder, because it is often ignored and unidentified, you know. In fact, this condition can be an early stage towards postpartum depression."

"Postpartum is a danger?" ask Amara sengau. "Can it heal?"

"PPA is clearly different from the baby blues that usually last about two weeks. One of the reasons why you need to be aware of this one condition, is because PPA can last indefinitely, and can not disappear by itself."

As Amara shuddered in horror, the doctor added, "This condition may improve. But it would not be completely resolved without serious treatment. If left unchecked, Postpartum Anxiety has the potential to even manifest in the form of more severe and long-term mental disorders such as depression."

"According to experts of the University Department of Psychiatry, they argue that there are large hormonal changes in estrogen and progesterone levels increased 10 to 100-fold during pregnancy, they argue, then it drops to zero basically within 24 hours of giving birth. In the days that follow, you face sleep deprivation, changes in relationships, and new responsibilities, including caring for your newborn all the time. While any new mother can develop Postpartum Anxiety, there are several factors that can increase the risk, such as, personal or family history of anxiety, PMS disorder, previous experience with depression—"

"I was raped .." Amara's words managed to stop the explanation of the doctor who was immediately surprised to hear it.

"OK, well," the doctor nodded and looked at Amara with pity. Then it fell silent for a moment, as if it had just discovered the root of the biggest problem Amara was facing. "Baby mom of male sex or—

"Women." Amara told bitterly.

"What is it that drives the mother to hurt the baby to think of killing him?" the doctor asked again when he remembered Amara saying she had lost faith in people.

"Yes." Yeah." Amara nodded. "Or a lot of other factors, for example, I often get hit with my older brother. I am often mocked. Sometimes I feel separated from my family. People say I don't deserve to live, I'm just scared .. s-I'm afraid my son will say the same thing as me. Intimidated, bullied, bullied, raped, betrayed, denigrated, considered trash, unappreciated, unscrupulous. So I want to take him dead, so I can protect him forever. Let it be like me forever. There are no people in this world that I can trust. Everything hurts me—"

Amara did not know from when she began as much as she pleased, as if every question that was said from the doctor managed to hypnotize her to make her vent all emotional.

"I just want to say ... don't hurt me," Amara continued amid her stuffing. "Because I am a girl whose life used to hold the wound alone, and never told anyone even though the same family themselves—"

Amara's speech was interrupted when Bian suddenly appeared from behind the partition and stood beside her. From the beginning, Bian had indeed heard how Amara and the doctor had talked.

However, he tried to refrain from participating, worried that Amara's emotional overflow was actually held back because of her existence. Now, after hearing that Amara could tell clearly what she was going through, which Bian did not know, of course Bian could not hold back any longer.

Moreover, Bian was quite jolted to hear the confession of Amara who even wanted to eliminate Biandra. Things that Bian never expected, even completely beyond reason.

However, after hearing what was the reason that prompted Amara to think so, Bian finally knew that Amara's entire body was indeed wrapped in wounds that never seemed to dry up.

For a moment, Bian did not heed the surprised gaze of the doctor who saw his whereabouts. Because the first thing Bian did was sit on the chair beside Amara, then pull his wife into the arms.

"Patience" whispered Bian, stroking Amara's back and kissing the top of his wife's head. "I didn't know you were so badly hurt. I won't hurt you anymore, Ra. I-i promise. I'll protect you with Biandra. I promise."

"Lie" said Amara, sobbing and gripping Bian's back. "No man has ever trusted me other than my father. Nonexistent. Now my father is old, I cannot continue to hang the same father. But I can't hang life with you either."