The Last Chance's

Part thirty-two

Tonight, feeling tired from work, Damar went home to his apartment and went to bed after taking a shower. The annoyance that suffered one daily was able to drag Damar in a sleep so sound, until finally the sound of lightning immediately boomed, startling him to wake up right at half-dusk. 

Sweat immediately poured from Damar's forehead, as soon as he turned his head to the side. Right towards the curtains of his room that was open, revealed the window of his room that was wet in the rain. 

Not felt, some time staring at the sky of the city that looks so dark with occasional light flash, making Damar crowded so as to suffocate. He touched his neck with a hunting breath, trying to swallow his saliva which felt frozen at the end of the throat. 

"Sister Damar, I swear! I can explain all this! Brother Damar!"

Suddenly, screams from the past filled Damar's head and made him feel dizzy. 

"Sister! This is not what you think! I didn't mean to lie to you, brother! I…!"

Choking on his own breath, Damar coughed until his face turned red. 

"Sister Damar!"

Not able to stand it, Damar immediately jumped from the top of his bed and snatched the key of the car that was on the nightstand of his room. He walked quickly, occasionally staggering like a dying sickly person. 

With a step began to fall, Damar entered his car which since late afternoon parked in the basement. Take a deep breath, before finally going out and take a rainstorm that seems to be partying tonight. 

A few minutes, or rather fifteen minutes later, he had already arrived at an apartment basement that was quite familiar to him. He got out, and walked towards the elevator that would take him to the 12th floor.

As soon as he arrived, doubts immediately perched in the deepest recesses of his heart. Should he come at this time? Will he be welcome if he visits the woman tonight? In ordinary times, he was often rejected. Especially at midnight like this. 

Some sane thoughts began to approach Damar who seemed ready to return and undo his intention to leave. 

But, should he really leave at this moment? Can he face tonight alone in the apartment? Should he take medicine from his doctor to get through tonight? 

"Sure, you can learn not to take the drugs again, Damar. It all calms you down for a while. Do you want to depend on those drugs forever?"

Damar's footsteps are like hanging. He hesitated, whether to re-enter the elevator, or listen to the advice of Eren - his cousin, who is also a psychiatrist - yesterday. 

"It's your fault. You should be ready to accept all of that. It's only getting worse, if you don't start fixing it at all."

Ah…. Fucking eren! For some reason, his words must always be right? Damar is so confused, want to find a defense what else? Any complain about Anggi's rejection of him, Eren will always reply to him in a landslide. 

"You'd rather live with your ego, or with Anggi, anyway?"

And it managed to slap Damar on the reality that had been happening all along. 

"If I were Anggi, I wouldn't want to accept you again in my life. The mother, you think, losing the baby that we expect because of the selfishness of others is not sick?! For Anggi is fine and not crazy, because of you!"

Well.thanks are like that. Fortunately, Anggi is not crazy like him. Each night is haunted by excessive fear, until his parents feel worried and send Eren to take him to a safer place. 

However, wherever Damar went after the incident, the shadow of Anggi who screamed under the rain never lost in the mind of Damar. So bad he used to leave the woman out of jealousy. A feeling he should not have to worry about because Anggi is always there for him and loves him wholeheartedly. 

Of love? 

Oh.., no. Why would such a ridiculous thought come at a time like this? Now Anggi clearly doesn't love him anymore. Never mind wanting to be together, just seeing the face of Damar it feels like Anggi already looks so angry and fed up. So, where might there still be love in the heart of the woman for him. 

Lah, how do you keep going? Give up and walk away from the woman's life, do you, or struggle to get her feelings again? Damar's heart was hesitant, staring at the door of Anggi's apartment that looked so cold. 

Don't expect more, because he will definitely reject you. So, just go ahead, because maybe you have to collect a thousand rejections from him to get one word of apology from Anggi. 

The sudden sound of lightning just struck like tearing a big tree, then startled Damar who was thinking deeply. His face paled even more, with a step of gaze toward the door of Anggi's apartment. 

Damar's hand shook as he pressed the bell on the side of the door. There was no answer from inside the apartment. She hesitantly pressed the button again several times, until she finally felt a little frustrated and started knocking on the door. 

"Nggi," called Damar so quietly, barely audible even if there was someone beside the man. 

"Open the door" the man murmured again languidly, but with a tightly clenched hand on his side. 

"Nggi,"

"Lo?"

And at once, Damar unconsciously rushed into the arms of Anggi, making the woman stupefied to think about what was really happening. 

❄

"Huh? Lo scared?!"

Anggi strangled foolishly looking at the innocent look of Damar who nodded and lowered his head deeply. 

"Lo's kidding? Big body kayak lo gini, have fear? Sure, lo?" ledek Anggi trivial, singly next to his lips cynical. 

"Fear the same? A ghost?" continued the woman again grunted strangely, then glanced at Damar who did not raise his head. "Well, demons are afraid of ghosts?"

"Nggi,"

Along with Damar's slow call, lightning again struck outside the apartment. Instantly, Damar's body gasped at the window and made Anggi feel suspicious of him. 

"It can't be the same lightning, right?" he slowly stared at the dazed face of Damar who did not look at him. 

"Gue is not afraid of lightning. It just makes me remember something I don't want to remember." Mumbled Damar again threw a glance towards the floor, not seeing Anggi's facial expression which also changed that second as well. 

It would be a lie if Anggi did not know what Damar meant. Besides maybe Damar has other memories of the rain so heavy at night, Anggi can guess that what the man did not want to remember was something about the past of the two of them. 

"Continue.. Why did you come here? Don't have anywhere else to go?" anggi asked slowly, inclined towards the flat, and looked at Damar expressionlessly.

However, instead of answering, Damar just kept quiet while bowing his head deeply. If only he had not been stubborn and indulged in emotions, of course now he could hug the woman behind a blanket and sleep until morning came. Perhaps their 8-year-old son - if only he lived - would come knocking on their bedroom door and ask to sleep together in bed. Unlike now, where to sit close together, it feels very heavy and so difficult to do. 

"Lo doesn't want to remember…. You shouldn't have come here."

Damar raised his gaze towards Anggi who threw a glance in the other direction. He was sure that the woman had just spoken in a tone that sounded so slow. Like muttering, or complaining with a sigh that is so heavy. 

"Gue doesn't want to remember. But I'm also afraid of forgetting." Damar said as softly as Anggi's voice, yet strangely, which they still heard from each other. 

In a few moments, no one spoke to each other anymore. This atmosphere felt so awkward, because before they could never sit together to talk about a problem. And this time, it felt so strange, that they both seemed to be immersed in an indistinct sense, because of the same fear they felt. 

Afraid that all of that would make her feel at ease, Anggi hurriedly shook his head hard and got up from his seat.

"You better go home. It's midnight. It's not worth it to be here right now." Banish Anggi clearly, without seeing the face of Damar who was lifted staring at the nelangsa to him. 

"Nggi,"

Slightly clucking, Anggi walked towards Damar and pulled his arm with all his might. 

"out! I want to sleep!" exclaimed the woman was upset, at Damar who instead of standing, just stared at Anggi's face deeply as if not disturbed by the woman's efforts at all. 

"Just a minute…. Let. I'm here the same lo." Damar said as he pleaded, still staring at Anggi's reluctant face to look at him. 

"Gue doesn't like being here. I-i-"

"Gue will go…. If I feel calm." Damar interrupted, stopping Anggi's efforts that continued to attract him. 

"Lo-!"

Like running out of words to fight stubborn Damar, Anggi decided to give up. He threw out the man's rough arm and took a deep breath. 

"Whatever! I want to go back to my room. And I hope, you're gone when I wake up."

With a face red with anger, Anggi immediately turned to leave Damar who smiled a little. He slammed the door rudely, and locked it hard, until his voice rang out to where Damar was sitting at this time. 

Seriate….