Tafakur Love Mualaf

Avoid Feelings

Like a general journal that is the beginning, for the formation of a next report. Communication between two people who do not improve, like a burden that forgets to count. Like a taste asset, which should be applied to cash flow. Clearly understanding the flow of feeling, like taking into account every side of debit and credit.

"Hi!" greet Aluna cheerfully.

"Hmmm..." I answered briefly, just pulling a little corner of my lips.

It was completely deserted, because there were still many who had not come. My heart can't lie, always looking for Rulif when there isn't. My mind refuses to do so, but it cannot be in line with the heart.

A few minutes after the line lined up on the field, Ima's mother walked into the classroom again. I'm really not excited, because I have to feel bitter. Will this time discuss the lesson, or will humiliate me with teasing.

”Can you advise me when you are alone Mom, whether to be in front of the person who oppresses me. Tell me directly, loving someone is wrong. Tell me directly when both, so that I can also release all this burden.” my inner self.

Lately it has been a bit of a stretch, going into class just to pay attention to me. Judging as if I was the worst, and a poor scholar of religion. After explaining the material, he still had time to slip me in it.

Ima's mother asked about the internship, and Aluna was so eager to mention my opinion. Even though I still saw the movement of Rulif, who did not answer anything. I really want to, this time part with him. Ima's mother asked again, but I couldn't hear her answer. Let the voice of his friends, who were busy saying opinions.

"Rulif at PT. Light." said Riyadi.

"Yes, Sinar Berseri village." said Sakim.

I still remember clearly, I still hold it deep. I fear that when it is my turn to be asked, it will cause slander for allegedly following it. After passing through many names, it was my name's turn to be called. I'm silent a thousand languages, confused as to what to answer. Thinking for a moment, but Aluna who was so enthusiastic answered.

"Firsya, where did you choose to intern?" ask Ima's mother.

"Mom, Firsya interns at PT. The light is in unison with me." replied Aluna.

"Mother's Firsya" said Ima's mother.

"Yes Ma'am, I interned at PT. Light." I replied, with a flat face.

"Huh, follow Rulif continues." said Tomtam.

"Rulif in the city of Jambi his apprentice." replied Riyadi.

"If the Rulif in PT. The light will be together with Firsya." said Sakim.

"Rulif will be in Jambi." replied Ido.

Do I have to be like a reversing journal, in order to be able to rotate the things that have been made time adjustments. In order to facilitate the steps of the struggle in the next period, without wasting time like now.

Is it to forget you have to prive, on the assets of the heart that have not yet mounted? I am the same as the debt can not be allowed to accumulate, without certainty when it will be repaid. I mean when do you pay off all the question marks at heart, so that the balance like debit and credit. Because the report is correct, it should be parallel on two sides. Like a feeling, played by two people. While we are both like debits and credits, who do not want to be on the same table.

One day, Sakim approached me. I still kept my head down, not wanting to look at him. Or if I talk a lot, I'll cry right then and there. Why does he never feel guilty, scolding me at will. After what he did with another friend, it made my pure serious feelings a joke.

Feelings are not a joke, try that position on yourself. Other joke material is a lot, certainly not about feelings. If I tricked you into saying that a loved one insulted you in front of me? Then will you still laugh at your own feelings, who are hurt and perhaps heartbroken????

"Firsya, do you like Rulif?" ask Sakim.

"No." I replied briefly.

"You love Rulif?"

I kept quiet, not answering at all. He should have known for himself, without throwing the question. Never know what his heart is like, it could be laughing because it claps one hand. Secrets of others, there should be no need to be too busy. I do not want to answer the words of Sakim or anyone, sometimes silence is the best choice when it is lazy to serve. Because what my heart understands, they just want to know not care. They're just troublemakers, of all things well.

”Never ask this kind of thing, let alone you are the one who broke my heart. It'll feel so nauseating, if you keep talking so much. Stay away from heartless creatures, because you are not worthy to throw the question.” my inner.

The next day, which day. I also don't remember what date the dialogue started. Most importantly, I remember what happened. A group of students and schoolgirls wearing full sports uniforms. That day we will practice, hold warm-up exercises. As the line was about to line up, Sakim and Ido were busy in front of the teacher. He told me to line up near Rulif but I avoided him, and then changed the ranks of others.

"Why are you so busy?" ask my gym teacher.

"No sir, let Firsya be close to Rulif." replied Sakim.

"What's wrong?" he asked, smiling faintly.

"Firsya likes Rulif" Sakim replied.

"No sir." I dodged.

That's how I keep going, it's clearly revealed but still not admit. If I admit it, it's really embarrassing. It had never crossed my mind, to dismantle it in the first place. If not for Aluna who broke her promise, and said it to many people. Until now, no one will ever know. It is not his fault that is the benchmark, but the impact caused by these actions.

An introvert? what is silence, shyness, phobia, or trauma in the past. I'm not one to understand the exact definition. Not the best philosophical experts in the world, just based on estimates. Actually people like this, just got the underrated part. Rarely considered to exist, even the betrayed part often approaches. But in stringing the words of a continuous story, usually this introvert can be deeper.

Maybe because of the quiet space, which makes the brain work faster. Can think of putting together a series of beautiful words. Good to read and hear, based on the expression of the deepest instincts. Eyes that focus on impingement nicks. Skilful fingers in writing, adjusting thoughts in the human brain. Often unraveled in the form of literary works, which become entertainers of the sad.