Tafakur Love Mualaf

I'm Sick

All lessons end, without feeling the acceptance of report. I feel happy, because I entered the top ten. At least accounting is a difficult lesson, compared to other majors. I will try harder, next time I think. If there are no obstacles, because I never know in the future.

Furthermore, this body was thrown into the second semester of the eleventh grade. I started the day, trying to be cheerful in my heart. Start small steps slowly, by improving the quality of worship. No one needs to know, which part. I'm much calmer than I was before.

That day, it was class cleaning. Please be advised, our classes are moving. From the first hitchhiking in the agriculture department, now changed into a class that finished being rehearsed. We sat together in front of the class. Of course I'm just with my friends. Aluna, Ichi, Lianti, Atul, Eli and Surti. Not coming close at all to them, which has made me war with my inner self. Waking up is hard for me to go through, and always in a wound cage.

"Rulif, let's take a photo together." take Ansyah.

"Yes" he answered.

Ido held the phone, and lifted it up in the air. Sakim followed their footsteps to take pictures as well, capturing a moment of togetherness. My eyes glimpsed Sakim and Ido, then cast a glance in any direction. Really lazy, to see that. My heart may be upset for not having freedom. They could scold Rulif, while I was like a statue without a sound.

A few weeks later, after the first day of school. It was Tuesday, the day that was supposed to be the school schedule. Maybe it's my fault, less powerful once again. Less willing to endure once more, less trying to hold back patiently many times more. Let's obey the word instinct in the heart, not digest in the deepest logic. Instead choose to want it fast already, and end up adding severe injuries. If I can express honestly, I can't afford it.

That morning, the beautiful clouds showed the sun. The clumps shifted to let the bright rays, radiating at the world. I got sick so I didn't go to school.

My father gave the teacher a license. My body was completely limp, unable to go to school. Along with my heart, which also has no taste. Absolutely one package, a feeling at the time. In accounting classes, it is not just a drain on thinking to learn. But also the struggle, to face the environmental conditions. The disaster is not stable, so you have to anticipate.

Long story short, my friends came to see me. It's a class routine, when someone sick comes to visit. Whether I should be happy or not, I don't understand either. Obviously, I can't possibly kick Sakim out. Though my heart knows, I do not want his presence. An antagonist, in my school-age story. The piercer who seemed to be caring, by coming to visit. Though not knowing, if I keep lara because of it.

I remained silent, unwilling to chat with them. Just a little chat, with ex Rulif only. She was a cheerful student, nor was she a bad person in my eyes. Women with brown skin are mature, and have shaggy teeth. Being friends with him is actually not a problem, we used to be in the beginning often together. It's just that it starts to take a distance, when Tiya is dating Rulif. But what makes me happy, my close friend Ulia came to visit.

My father was chatting with Sakim, and I just looked. Feeling fed up, with that sight. But I had no intention of expelling him, for it was not my type to be brutal. I prefer, someone self-conscious efficiently. So effective yet elegant. Lazy waste of time and drain energy. I could only frown, facing an unexplainable situation.

A few weeks later, I went to school. After a long illness, for about two weeks. Mom smiled, watching me in class. Because our relationship began to develop, in the first semester of the eleventh grade. I did try to get close to him, so I could ask as freely as Ulia. I want to be friends with him, even social media I add friends. Some people say that being close to a teacher is good. We can ask about unknown lessons. But maybe I have to accept the fact that everything is far from my expectations. The spirit foundation I had built collapsed. The smoldering fire that I was blazing, seemed to be extinguishing and burning myself. I won't have that chance, because fate says otherwise. At that time Ima's mother approached my study table.

"Firsya, are you healed?" ask, smiling.

"It has improved a lot, ma'am, but it still hurts a little" I replied.

"Don't Firsya this hurt not." seduced mother Ima.

I round my eyes, from where he knows what I think. Means an opportunity for me, to stop the oppression of Sakim, Ido, and Riyadi.

"Heheh no ma'am." I replied, smiling.

”Bu, all this time I want to convey it. Finally you're sensitive too, come on Mom help me. This mind wants to be calm, it is very eager to have a comfortable environment. I'll find a way, so we can have a chat together. Stop their actions all ma'am, because they can't stop me.” My inner self is starting to be happy.

Tired of pretending to have a new crush, let it not be combated again. But instead of guessing, I'm a thrill seeker. Though write the status of the road with someone, just pretend. Let them stop Comblang immediately, which makes me uncomfortable one hundred percent. After all, just have hope to learn calmly. Do not like the talk here and there, which does not correspond to the facts.

Just healed, some days I don't go in again. I've disappeared again from class, raising questions in the classmate's head. No matter what, for that moment I want to calm down. At least at home, I'm not too tired. My body was limp again, and my head was dizzy. I permit again, until the absence of a writing class hurts with long. Just like that, I never went to class.

”Bu Ima, do you know I learned while holding back the turmoil of my heart. Head of accounting program, which should be a role model for everyone. Later if you do not believe me, I will definitely be very disappointed.” My heart is sad, in silence.