Scratches of Destiny

Hate Yourself

Now I have arrived right in front of the BK Room (Counseling Guidance) where usually, the room is used to help students and students to pour out all the problems in the school comfortably and relaxed.

"Assalamu'alaikum," I greet you politely

The clapping teacher turned around and looked at us closely, "Wa'alaikumsalam warahmatullah"

"What's up, Alira?" ask Ms. Reni

"I want to ask, Mom. But apologize in advance, if I interrupt Ms. Reni's time." While stepping my feet to get closer to the position my homeroom teacher is in.

"Yes can. What do you want to ask?" asked Bu Reni by curling her lips a sign of giving her smile to me

"Look Mom, I'd like to ask. Is it possible if the business of transferring schools is taken care of alone without parents?" ask me politely and seriously

"If so, I know less. It's possible, but let me ask you Mr. Principal, Alira."

"Yes, Mom."

This time, Bu Reni's face looked so serious that I looked at me until I staggered myself, between tense, afraid, worried mixed into one. Fortunately it did not become ice mixed.

"Who wants to move, Lir?"

"I, Mum." I looked down with my head bowed in

"Loh why? Have you never had a problem at school? Never been weird either."

"What made you want to change schools? Does anything make you uncomfortable? Or are there other students bothering you? If yes, say it. You can report to Teacher BK, let it be taken care of immediately," continued Ms. Reni

There are many who do not like me, many who hate me without cause, many who always insult me without knowing how to stop, many who look at me with a cynical gaze, talk a lot about me behind my back, so many humans who want to take me down, want to slap me hard using his words that always imprint.

I can't be selfish, I can't force everyone to always be nice to me and be friends with me.

Because for me they are useless, but if behind my back they often talk about me with bad things.

Getting angry? Disappointed? Saddened? Despairingly? That's palpable. But back to the first point. Not everyone can behave the way I want.

"No, Mom. The students here are all well. They never bothered me at all. It's purely my parents' and mine." I said with confidence and earnestness that my homeroom teacher would believe me. Even though my heart has always refused to lie like this. I'm sorry, Mom.

"Then, what's the main reason you want to change schools?" ask Ms. Reni, again.

"Look, Mom. Her sister My female mother lives one now, Mom. And he lives in Riau. He wants me and my mom back there. I used to go to SD, but only 1 year. After that I went to South Kalimantan (South Kalimantan)," I explained at length times the width of the height

I exhale often making my chest tight. It was as if all the burdens I carried myself, had ingrained the flesh in every cavity of my body.

I continued my explanatory sentence, "So, therefore, inevitably, I have to move, Mom. That's why I asked Ms. Reni first, because it's likely that my mother bothers to take care of other needs as well. Fear all be messy if all must be my mother who takes care of. That's why I want to take care of my own school transfer papers. If you can, if not, then. Let my mother or my uncle take care of it"

Forgive me for being your spiritual disciple, Mom. All the teachers always looked at me kindly, looking at me as a quiet student was never weird.

But deep down in the deepest heart. I'm ashamed, Mom. If it is considered that way, because in reality I am worse than the students who are always labeled bad by Mr/Mother Teacher here.

Right now I have been doing a big lie that I told my own homeroom teacher. I am ashamed of my own actions. I hate myself, Mom. I'm Sorry. Because there's no way I'm telling you the real problem.

I am the most hypocritical man on earth, Mom. May God always open the door of his forgiveness for me.

Seriate...