Scratches of Destiny

La Tahzan - Ayah

The day passes faster, just as the moon changes faster.

Today is Thursday, October 18, 2018

After I finished the Maghrib prayer, I continued by reading a surah consisting of 83 verses. Especially if it's not Surah Yasin.

I read the Surah I specifically for His Majesty Muhammad SAW and his family and relatives.

Besides, I read this Surah Yasin for my late father, my late Mother, my late Grandpa Almarhum/Mother, and the late Almarhumah the people who have preceded me, whoever it is.

I read it in a soft voice, I lived every reading.

My tears were pouring down and without stopping. So that it wet Yasin's book.

All my good memories with the people I love are back in my memory, it hurts so much.

For me the most painful thing is when we want to apologize by kissing the back of the hand, asking for blessing so that we can succeed and be happy, but it is all just a wish.

They have gone because of His calling, God loves them more.

••••••

I suffer many times with my pain,

I don't want to make them more burdensome, they're gone,

I really love them, though,

I don't want to lose them all.

But this is all God's will, maybe for God this is what's best for me.

God willing I am sincere

May Allah place them on His best side and they become the inhabitants of His heaven. Aamiins.

After I finished reading Surah Yasin

I put Surah Yasin in its original place.

Then I folded up the face with the alphabet and I stored it neatly.

When I finished, I sat there in the dark of the night, crying alone.

I screamed without a sound, "Why do I have to absorb this? why?"

In my groan of pain, I hid my face between the folds of my hands.

A tearful divorce accompanied by grief had gnawed at my powerful soul.

I miss Dad.

I miss Mom.

Dan, i..

I miss the people who left me.

My days are empty without his presence

I just want to die.

I want to die!!!

I want to be with them all. But my provision for facing the Divine Rabbi is not enough, I am far from perfect for every Charity of my worship.

I'd be lying if I said, "I'm fine without them next to me."

All that I do is to cover up all my pain.

I don't want anyone to know how weak and frail I am.

I just want others to know my strong side.

I like that because I want to be considered the most strong? No. gabe. I like that because I want to strengthen others as well, I want others to be strong unlike me who is this weak.

I want others to be more sincere in accepting whatever God has laid out for them.

I want everyone to learn to be steadfast and sincere like the rain that falls at night even though it does not promise a rainbow.

I was happy to see the lips of others adorned with her beautiful smile,

I don't want to see sadness on someone else's face.

Better, I am the only one God has tested,

Better, I'm the one who feels sadness,

Better, I alone felt the pain of a separation without meeting.

A few minutes later, I heard an urge to make me stronger and stronger.

I heard a voice whispering softly to me,

"La tahzan innallaha ma'ana, my son.

I'm sure you're strong.

You're not this weak, get up, son. Your day is long, your success is ahead.

Don't lose by circumstance, don't lose by pain. Some of the people you love are gone, but 1 thing you should know, son. We never leave your side, we are always with you. We are in your heart, my son. Be strong.."

That sound..

I am very familiar with that voice.

Ja..

that's my father's voice.

Fathering..

I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I sift through this for now.

I promise I'll make you proud someday, I love you dad.