Pregnancy I Didn't Want

part 5's

My hope is dashed already waiting for menstruation that does not come.

I feel like I'm really pregnant.

But I don't want to do a testpack, I don't want to go to the clinic.

"The better the body, the better." The lyrics of Dewi while we are sitting waiting for Abang Greens in front of the house.

"Emmm... Aye." Yeah." Answer's awkward. I also felt that my weight was increasing.

"Usually when the child has finished***** that is Buk, our body becomes more contained." Add Ida Buk.

"Udah Dara you're pregnant again, Mumpung Dilan at home with his grandfather." The Goddess's Dream to me.

"Emmm. Aye." Yeah." I can only say from earlier.

"Well. Are you really pregnant." The goddess is probing me more and more curious.

"Deeyahh.. Goddesses. I was pregnant with a young child." I became misbehaved. Does the Goddess know I'm pregnant. I tried to hold my stomach so hard I wouldn't be seen.

"That's the answer yes." Said.

"Mistakenly. I just said your word." My answer began to annoy

Goddesses.

"Look down Dar, no emotions."

"No. Just be usual." Reply cynical.

"Sayuharr...." The voice of the vegetable brother stopped our debate.

"Buy kale 2 tie, same tomato half a kilo bang."

"OKs. Add the pineapple again buk,? Still fresh pineapple."

"That was a bang." Actually I want to buy the pineapple, but embarrassed to see the other mothers. Afraid of teasing.

"Add five thousand crackers."

This afternoon I was planning to make a very spicy kale pelecing, I thought that if dicocol crackers would be more delicious.

***

I rushed to the kitchen. This afternoon I want to eat pelling kale that is very painful. Pelecingnya not yet cooked my saliva already ngeces.

"Mmm. pelecing the kale is done." I muttered while smelling the smell that pierced the nose because of the chili that I use so much for seasoning.

"Uahs... Huach... Spicy." I'm spiciness. My tears are dripping by themselves.

"It matters that my desire is fulfilled." My smile's cynical.

Pelecing kale is ludes I eat alone.

***

When I was pregnant with Dilan I didn't feel the cravings that people say.

Just like the current pregnancy, I was easily active, not feeling nauseous or dizzy, as if I was not pregnant.

After the morning prayers I finished all the housework. When the sun shines right on the doorstep I close, and then I sleep again.

I feel so sleepy early in the morning.

This trick I also use so that people do not see me activity.

"Ara, I'm off to the rice field first." Mas Ardan opened my little peek room door slowly.

"Where's Dan? Tanya Dewi greeted Mas Ardan.

"Regular, to the rice field."

"Where's blood? Not visible from before? Ask my neighbor Goddess kepo.

"Some, I was just sleeping like I wasn't feeling well." The voice of Mas Ardan answered the Goddess.

***

Everyday I often confide in the Goddess.

We share a lot of experiences about children, because our children are almost the same age.

Our household problems are often our conversation.

But now that I chose to avoid him, I felt he was too curious about me.

I'm afraid she'll talk everywhere if she finds out I'm pregnant.

I was embarrassed to get pregnant when my son was a child.

I am not ready to accept this pregnancy.

I feel guilty for Dilan.

Dilan still desperately needs my love.

Not to mention I thought people would gossip about me.

(Children are young, already pregnant)

It seems like the talk is ringing in my mind.

***

Before going to bed I drank a concoction of yeast tape mixed with coriander. After that I tied my stomach tight using a shawl.

I also fell asleep very fast.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach that was very painful.

My stomach feels hot and wrapped around.

Could this be a miscarriage.

"Oh Allah, if it hurts like a miscarriage I can't stand." I grimaced while enduring the pain. I'm afraid Mas Ardan is awake.

"Argh...." The pain is getting worse. I'm release screaming.

I hurried to untie the scarf in my stomach.

"Why you?" Mas Ardan woke up.

"My stomach hurts." I haven't finished removing the scarf in my stomach.

"Sick why. Did you eat wrong." Ask wonder.

"Not really, really." I answered slowly while enduring the pain.

"Here I peed his back, maybe it's because you washed a lot of clothes earlier." Ma Ardan then rubbed and massaged my back using eucalyptus oil.

I usually have stomach pains always asking Mas Ardan to massage my back. After a few minutes of massage, I feel better.

But stomach pain is now different from the stomach pain that I used to experience.