Magic Lantern

Time Spare

Practice breathing relief. Alicia is married. Not that he can trust Krishna.

Krishna himself cannot give certainty to their relationship. He himself still doubted. What if they cheat later?

Crazy thinking. But there are many stories that marriage does not stop infidelity.

But maybe he's not ready. Maybe also Krishna. They're both not ready. To continue their friendship. Feels camouflage. Going to a wedding is still a doubt. It is a waste of time if you have to force it. Because it could be that each of them is waiting for their own soul mate.

They're not really friends. I may never have been friends in the first place. What they need may be a sign from the universe. Are they fighting or not? It all feels exhausting but there is nothing they can do to change it. Besides living everything as it is.  

Better to forget all that only feels burdened if lived. Not even dying to live. As the saying describes a coma. Their relationship is not going anywhere. It ends not but continues neither. Stucks.

Patih enjoyed his rest at the hotel. Turn on television. He took out the magazines he bought at the airport. Comforting himself by reading magazines.

Tomorrow he will walk alone. Playing various games at the amusement park is his choice. It's not good to walk alone. But he has no other choice.

Not having a definite plan. You may suddenly change plans.  Handphone's ringing. Trained lifting. Diah.

“What's up, Diah?”

“It's okay. Can't cook?”

Train laugh, “Bby but why?”

“I envy you.”

“Kok can do that?” Asked Ratih while laughing crisply.

“In the middle of a pile of work and work routines. You're relaxing spending your cut. Vacation alone.”

“There's a friend of mine married. I thought you were taking a vacation, right? Make eliminating saturation work. You know how Pras?”

“Yeah. But he's not stingy about giving extra money. Very understanding.”

“Stay only. Saturated also with the pressure of the work provided.”

“I haven't seen Tania in a while. But since you took a vacation. He's back in the office.”

“You don't want to. I asked her for help. To work offline. Some time ago, she chose to work online. But if I take a vacation. Pras needs one of us to accompany him.”

“You can refer me to Pras to replace you right? Good for extra money.” Said Diah.

“Pras asked me to have Tania come to work in my place.”

“There is nothing between Pras and Tania?”

“Of course there is no. You don't gossip.”

“Do I gossip that between them nothing happens.”

“Tania is very reliable in the field of work. Pras satisfied with the work of Tania.” I don't want to say anything other than work. Gossip can grow very rapidly. If he's not careful.

“Pras is easy to fall in love with. I thought she liked Tania?”

“You don't worry. She already has a lover.”

“What's his girlfriend like? I became curious.”

Ratih closed his mouth. Don't want to say that they all know Pras' lover, Marsha.

“I'm lazy to pry on Pras.”'s personal lifeSahut Ratih's.

“Yeah! What's in it know Pras' personal life?” Diah agrees with Ratih's words, “I have to go back to work. Later we connect again the chat.”

“Ok.”

“Happy holiday.”

“Thanks.”

Talks terminated. Relax in his hotel room. Read the magazines he bought. While watching television.

About two hours spent reading while watching. His stomach is hungry.

Take a walk around the hotel. His mind feels more comfortable. I thought of nothing but relaxing.

Culinary tasting around the hotel. Feet of five feet. Food, heavy food and drinks.

Save your holiday budget. Enjoy the roadside food. Besides it tastes good. The price is cheap and affordable.

Maybe I'll wrap some food. But what if you want to take a walk? Ah, better, if I'm lazy just go food. No need to pack food for the hotel. If I wanted to walk out like this. Looking for food and drink. Not burdened with food that has been purchased. It's a shame to waste if not eaten. Moreover, his taste also changes frequently. Something plural happened.

Reach entering one of the tents. In fairly hot weather. He wanted to eat something fruitful. But not his favorite meatball. Sop and rice.

Tents that sell rib soup and tails are an option. A plate of white rice and steaming hot soup. Publish his appetite. His stomach was also very hungry.

Enjoy the lunch he ordered. Adding a certain amount of sambal and a squeeze of lime into the bowl of soup. Increasingly appetizing.

A plate of rice with a serving of rib ludes. A glass of young coconut ice completes the enjoyment of his lunch.

Ratih decided to take a short walk before returning to rest at the hotel. Prepare conditions for tomorrow play in the amusement park full day.

A serving of durian ice. Avocado shake. And a glass of ice cendol. Various snacks make him want to taste and wrap for snacks at the hotel.

Cake blocks, paint cheese and chocolate, pancong, tofu contents criuk, bakwan, sirens and risoles contents vermicelli.

He could not eat and drink it all. Especially after lunch. He decided to bring all the snacks he bought to the hotel. All drinks will be put in the hotel refrigerator. The food will be placed on the buffet.

Imagining watching and reading magazines while eating and drinking snacks that he bought was very exciting.

Handphone's ringing. The name of Krishna is listed. They meet accidentally at Alicia's reception.

Perhaps Krishna just realized that he was lying to her to go to the toilet to avoid the possibility of them spending time together. Especially relationships like before.

Heart worried. Receive or reject the phone. The phone stopped. Practice breathing relief. He should not ambigue between receiving or ignoring Krishna's phone calls.

After a while, the phone rings again. His heart was worried again. Why can't you deduce yourself from his attitude? He could barely explain the situation of their relationship that weighed on his mind as well as his heart. I just want to be free from all of that burden me. Maybe, not everything has to be found out. Not everything has to be seek the answer. Most of them, just need to be excepted. Come to terms of reality. Its not about Alicia of everyone. Its about both of them.

The phone ringing stopped. Practice breathing relief. Means to turn off the phone. But then he saw whatsapp sign in.

Change the blue sign first. He doesn't want Kreshna to know that he's reading whatsapp. Didn’t want anything comes between....

He started reading whatsapp Kreshna.

I hope you didn't accidentally take my call. I didn't mean anything. Just wanted to ask why you didn't go back to the wedding after the toilet.

You didn't intentionally avoid me, did you? At least, can you say a word or two? I know, we often face things that are confusing. It is like a puzzle that cannot be solved. I didn't mean anything. Urgent, let alone forced.

I'm also tired of pretending everything's okay. I also want to continue as before. It's just, I think we can try to live it through to the end. Even if I understand you'll say no and reject it.

I just want to say and also explain why I'm like this. At least, hope you understand. I didn't mean to use you. Intentionally hurt you. Or do something you think might be heartless. I'm trying to figure it out. It might sound selfish. I just want to live it all as it is. Even though I don't know if it's any good for me or not.

His heart became very worried. He did not intend to avoid Krishna and did not want to understand it. But everything has to have its limits. Release or remove. Fight without the final certainty of what they live. Will cause some sort of exausted or burn out in their relationship.

Ratih decided to call Kreshna. Give him a chance to talk but nothing more than talk.

“What do you want to say? Make it fast and clear.” Ask Ratih.

“Why don't you go back to the party?”

“For what? We're still going to split up? What difference does it make if I go back or not to the party?”

“Maybe it's an ego problem.”

“Indeed. You always need your ego to be guarded but it doesn't apply to others.”

“I don't know if it's right to say this to you. But I don't know if I have another chance to meet you.”

“Tell me what you need to say. Don't try to influence let alone use me to spoil your ego.”

“I have trauma.”

“Trauma what?”

“My parents' divorce. Many things happened.”

“You're not looking for excuses, are you? Or trying to manipulate me with a story you corroded?”

“I didn't make up.”

“I know there may be something behind you. But you need to know too. Trust and feeling two different things.”

“I know all like looking for excuses.”

“Do not think only of yourself. Don't take advantage of someone's feelings for your benefit.”

“I didn't mean it that way.”

“I know. Your trauma makes it hard to trust others. You can't ignore your feelings either. You're using me like a welcome mat that you can use at will. I can't always be there for you. You should know that. You're in a confusing situation. I don't want to add to it.”

“I just want to talk and explain all.”

“What did you explain? Does it make any difference? Is it by explaining that something has changed? Don't just think about yourself. I think you have enough explanation. I also don't want to extend this conversation.”

“Alright, if that's what you want.”

“Not what I want or what you want. Indeed the condition is like that.”

“Hmm yes..”

Trainer turned off the phone. Continuing activity. His stomach suddenly felt hungry. Talking to Kreshna drains his energy.

Take a drink from the refrigerator. Ejected it. Enjoy them one by one. Enjoy the snacks he bought.

Everything must have a limit. Don’t give anyone remote of your happiness and sadness. You are the master of your heart and soul. You will be responsible for everything gain in your life. The remote is in yours not others....

 

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