LOVE WITHOUT SPACE
AYYA TRAUMA
“Weight Ma story that haunts me. My father was still a student when he was required to marry a rich woman. Papa had to marry her to save her parents' furnace. Papa must have broken up with his lover at that time. Without love, he married the woman. But dear Ma papa just make doormats only.”
“The woman keeps playing in love with others. Papa only exists in status that she is a married woman. If she is pregnant, there is a husband. Once or twice she was willing to give obligations as a wife but only limited to formality. Maybe she thought that if she didn't give and then she got pregnant out there, there's no responsibility. So it's better once in a while that he gives rations to papa.”
“Ibuku is a country girl who is forced to work as a maid. He didn't finish High School. I am still in 1st grade High School to go up to 2nd class when I have to work in Bali. My mother is from Banyuwangi Ma. Then the mother worked at the house of papa and his wife named Bu Dewi.”
“A innocent mother caught papa's attention. They also establish love not by force, but because both are equally in love. I am finally pregnant, Ma. Papa brought mom to stay at the boarding house. If the morning mother sells cake because she does not want to just depend on money from papa. Papa comes every afternoon when he breaks from his wife's shop.”
“Mother doesn't want to marry papa, she feels papa's love is enough. So papa doesn't want to marry mom. On the contrary, mothers who do not want to marry because they are different religions. I feel like they have enough love, that's all. Until I was born.”
“Papa's parents are very happy to know they have grandchildren. So in papa's family I'm admitted to really be papa's son. They also treat their mothers well. But can not make papa separated from bu Dewi because they still depend on life to Bu Dewi financially.”
“It turns out Bu Dewi could not get pregnant at all because since the first several times abort the womb before marrying papa. And always wear a bleach. Because I knew that Dewi couldn't have children, my grandmother suggested that she raise a child.”
“With her clever grandmother gave me as her son candidate Bu Dewi. Unsuspecting Madam Dewi accepted me as her foster child I was officially adopted by papa and mama or ma'am Dewi.”
“They know the struggle of the mother since pregnancy, giving birth until I was adopted mama. I grew up with the affection of my mother and complete father Ma. I was very happy, but I also suffered a lot with my mother's treatment. I was just considered as trash in his eyes. She doesn't want to have children. She adopted it just so her parents wouldn't be noisy because her parents knew she was never home to take care of her husband. Her parents thought that a baby would change her. From pakde Saino and bude Ati I know, since I came mama never want to carry me. If there are new parents mom hold me.”
“The worst thing is, I was made a shield to get out of the house. He took me to the hotel and when I got there I was given candy containing sleeping pills I slept all day in the car.”
“Mama can imagine my fate since childhood like that Ma. treated unkindly by Mama Adopsik who I thought my own real mama.”
“Finally my mother revolted after I had OD several times and was taken to the hospital for treatment. Mom admitted to mom that I was a real child and mom took me to Badung. My mom and dad live in Gianyar.”
“Since then mom and dad back LDR. Mother absolutely can not get money from papa anymore because papa really in prison by the Goddess mom. All finances are strictly controlled by Bu Dewi.”
“That traumatized me, I don't want it to happen again.”
