LOVE AND CERTAINTY

LOVE AND CERTAINTY
Tania's Presence



In the morning, I woke up with a smile as beautiful as the morning sun. Remembering last night's events, it made me excited to go to school soon. Imagining a Zen smile, such as adding enthusiasm to immediately pick up a dream. What kind of dream? I don't know, only God and I know. Clearly, it makes my heart flutter with pleasure.


After tidying up my clothes, then combing my hair and then adding a pink ribbon bando on my head. Not to forget also, spraying a little perfume towards my body, made me more confident to face the day.


I went to the dinner table, and my mother made breakfast for me. It seems, my mother had left for work, because usually my mother left shortly after the dawn prayer and went home before the magrib.


After I finished breakfast, I took my bag and stepped my foot and locked the door.


After I looked around, it was true that my bike was already in the yard. Somehow Zen took him last night.


I drove my bike straight over the fence.


Suddenly a little girl about 3 years old was in a daze like she was looking for her mother. He is the son of my neighbor. And now he's standing right in front of the fence.


I stopped for a moment to greet him.


"Hallo, sweet sister. Who's waiting for who?" I asked while pinching her cheek, because it looks adorable.


"Mama" he said in a cute voice.


"Where is your mom going?" manya curious.


"Again to the walung, Papah cakit, fever and jubilation. Mama's buying a fan, "he replied.


"What does this have to do with the wind?" I thought as I tapped my index finger into my head. "And again cheerful, time in fan love anyway!" for a moment I thought again, "What's possible." I thought something. I don't know what the boy remembered, but with his innocent face, he seemed to feel that his words were true.


Suddenly a mother came, carrying two small parcels, two sets like her, in yellow with a picture of ginger and honey.


"Ohh, refuse the wind anyway," I laughed to myself.


Then the mother walked over to me. "Depart school huh, Di?" she asked, and it was like wonder to see me laughing.


"Yes Mom, Mom's son is so funny yes, gemes.gemes.gemes," laughing I pinched his cheek again until repeatedly.


The little girl just looked at me confused and tried to let go of my hand.


I finally said goodbye and left them.


While pedaling my bike to school, every time I remember the funny incident, I always laugh. So, Nurul was curious and asked me. I am also happy to tell you everything.


And it turns out that Nurul, just like me, was comforted by the cute behavior of the little one. In the end along the way we just laughed together.


***


After arriving at school, Nurul and I parked our bikes. While walking together, we set foot into the classroom.


After I entered, it felt like I was hit by a mountain.


The one who had been laughing was happy, turning into a sense of anger and sadness that mixed into one.


"What am I seeing?" spontaneously I froze, silent with many questions flying through my head.


"Let's go in!" Nurul grabbed my hand and pulled it gently.


I dragged my feet slowly, and tried to calm my feelings.


Then, sit down for a while and then unzip my bag.


My hand pulled a book out of it and took it out. The blue book of Zen.


Shaking, I tried to stand up and turned my body towards a table. There, have sat a pair of young people who are busy chatting. Seen from the gaze of those who give each other happiness.


"Sorry Zen, I want to hand over your book. It's all done, I'm done" I said, trembling and trying to smile.


"Who is He?" ask a woman to Zen. He pretended not to know Diana. He had been watching Diana for a long time.


I don't know what made her popular, maybe because she was beautiful and born into a distinguished family.


I swallowed hearing his voice.


Then Zen glanced at me and said, "My friend," as if giving an affirmation.


Glek, it feels like I want to sink to the bottom of the earth hearing Zen's words. I finally left without a word.


Without saying thank you from Zen's mouth.


My chest is raging. Wanting to get angry but somehow, until tears can not I hold anymore.


Today's lesson I missed without concentrating.


In the break, I disappeared leaving Nurul. Because, I don't want Nurul to know about my situation. I went to the shack behind the school where Zen learned of my sadness. But that was, by accident.


Now, it feels like I want to scream, but I'm pondering. There are still many students in this school.


Subconsciously, just after I sat down, I clenched my hands together holding back all my disappointment, anger and sadness. Remembering Tania's presence in Zen's life.


"Am I the fool, taking Zen's kind attitude to me, means he does like me!" recalling the word Zen.


Zen who even thought of me as just a friend, nothing more.


"friends only! Diana," I said as I ruffled my hair. And, maybe his good attitude during this time was just the attitude of a friend.


My tears fell with my regret.


"Why? Why did I fall for you?" kataku weakens.


"Why do you show your good attitude before me, stupid me, without you giving certainty I have given love to you," my lips trembled with remorse.


"Smile you, wake me up to love. Your hands, wipe away my wounds and tears. And now, it is your mouth that incised the wound in my heart" I said with a breath of mine.


"Maybe, my love does clap one hand. Because your love is not mine, but someone else's" my tears flowed profusely.


Remembering, this happened this morning just after I left Zen and Tania.


It turned out, without me realizing Tania had been following me. He pulled my hand rough, took me to a toilet, and pushed my body against the wall.


"Hey, Diana," she said as she pointed at my chest.


"Behold you are, if you dare to approach Zen. Zen is mine. He's mine," she said again.


"Zen loves me so much, because our parents will match us," he said confidently.


"So, don't you ever bother him again. Or you'll know the consequences" Tania threatened.


Not even I had time to answer, the sign bell has rung. Finally, Tania passed by leaving me.


Epilogues


Only Tania loves Zen.


Not with Zen, even though Zen knew he would be in a match with Tania, but Zen only considered Tania as an older brother.


Meanwhile, in a park chair, a teenage boy is engrossed in his daydreams. "Is he jealous? Seeing my closeness to Tania this morning.


Ahh, I will tease her with my indifference later.


I want to see, her irritable face that looks adorable," Zen thought to his plan.