LOCKDOWN A Love And Covid - 19
Sky Blue Ash Flavor
"naak, I'm calling you from earlier.."
My mother snapped from behind my back, I got up from my sitting and daydreaming. I saw the twinkle of the mother's face that muffled the anger, I knew from the line of her face and her eyebrows that were interlocked. Mother never tried to calm down with me, whenever there was a scratch in my heart, the main cause was purely from the words of this woman before me. Sometimes I shudder in wonder, why I can't get close to my mother like the others. Mother always contrary to my opinion, even to tell stories or just vent it is very difficult. Unlike most women and teenagers. I'm leaning towards father, there's no awkwardness between me and father, even after I got married, I never hesitate to tell you about the household that woke up with Firhan.
"oh yeah sorry buk, I'm not focused.." I explained to him heart.
"your breakfast is not yet..? Or breakfast in the room let me get you.." Mum's pretty attentive this time, but I don't guarantee the next few seconds will probably be a rage for her.
"i'm full.." I lie, my gaze turned toward the sky long ago I kept silent here. Just because the blue sky makes me remember all the stories. The blue sky holds too many stories that I can't tell always dancing in one of my memories, sometimes from those memories it makes me want to be quiet, on every sunny day, when the clouds are reluctant to decorate the horizon, that's when the blue sky is very charming, but to me any blue sky above if my heart hurts, if the longing in my chest rages then there are no more colors in my world, everything is dark, everything is dim, and like cloudy.
Yes, the sky is blue, but to me it is ash, the sky is not bright, it is gloomy and cannot make my heart rise from painful sadness. My eyes were staring again, whether for how many times I could not listen to what my opponent said. I don't want to talk to anyone today except with Firhan, my husband.
Selfish, yes it feels so. I thought too much about what was on me and seemed to not care about Firhan's own circumstances without me. Now I can feel how hard it is to live alone without me.
"astagfirullah azhim thing." cried my mother shrieked my ear.
"why buk..?" I said reflexively with anger.
"you are why!Some people say it until it is not horrified. Yes your soul is here but your mind and heart are in Medan." said the upset mother then passed leaving me alone on the balcony.
Mats.. Tears again, I miss the heat there, I miss going around looking at the building along the left right side of my street. I miss the noise, I miss talking to my friends. I miss all the stories that have happened between me and Firhan. And I miss being a wife to Firhan, cooking for her, hearing her praise, wanting to rest and curl up in her warm, fragrant body, wanting to hug her to sleep.
I sighed, trying to remove the shadows about my daily life that could no longer happen this second.
This is the sun shining, in a long time I pegged on the balcony.
But to me this really bright world looks like a two-watt light bulb. Not a single light was present, the world was dark without his love. And I can't stand this. Maybe I should go back to the field but I don't know what to do. My heartache is still gape, and I try to hide it all. I'm sure Firhan knows that his cousin Rina harbors a dislike for me, a lot of rumors and a lot of gossip among the family, I've always been ostracized when I joined Firhan's brother.
Not many hate me, just because Amrina's sister too often provokes people's attitudes to change in me gradually, there are only my mother and father-in-law who never believe the words of Amrina, and the last thing I heard straight out of my ear he easily said I was having an affair with a friend of Firhan's.
I feel unable to accept everything, I am afraid that everyone believes the words of Mr. Amrina.
The ringing of the phone rang, I excitedly grabbed the phone lying on the long chair where I was sculpting alone.
Mas Firhan called me, I felt the presence of the sky that was starting to look blue instead of ash.
Beyond this parting, I can't stand a life without you my husband.
The sky was blue in my town, but I looked at it like the color of ash
"why..? Try the story to the mas first." the question is
"i miss you mas.." I'm rather hurt because I was snapped by my mother. Sorry I lied again.
"iyya be patient, dear. Trying to get home as soon as possible. Here there is still a lot of work dear." he said to me, in the exact same word.
That excuse almost always lingered in my ear, not changing at all, every day that I expressed only longing and longing and he just answered like that, maybe the job is more important than me missing him. My brain is too sensitive when my head boils like this.
My heart rumbled, I was silent a thousand languages no longer speak, since parting with him I harbored a lot of anger and emotion. I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt her soft heart. But I can no longer bear all the movements, in my eyes right now everyone is wrong.
"don't diem dong yank.. You if angry more beautiful loh." he said
Well I dampen my emotions, not as hot as earlier in my body. I try to accept the existing. And many of the same like me, they parted with their husbands because they were sued for work. Moreover this was my decision to leave by his side.
" sister is sorry mas." I said.
" it doesn't matter, I'm sorry, too, if there are many things that you can't do right now. I promise I'll come to you soon and pick you back to our house."
We ended the call today. A little longing paid off, but the end of the phone made me feel in the dark again.
Sometimes I feel stupid to love someone too much, often Firhan reminds me not to overdo it in love, and I'm trying not to love him too much. Just a tiny hope that's worth a lot if I can do that.
I stepped into the room after the azan zuhur was heard flowing from the village under the hill where I was sheltering.
I hope I rise from this fall soon.
Looking back at the blue sky is blue, not ash.
