LOCKDOWN A Love And Covid - 19
Make peace with the situation
"emm mbak, honestly not good anymore either. I'm just not sure but the last three days I've been nauseous, a few times my stomach's been cramping so much, I've been sensitive to the smell of fried onions, the smell of perfume and more surprisingly I've had my period too late.
Am I pregnant?" ask me to make sure to a private doctor I'm far away.
"Yes yes dek, this year you are pregnant. You buy a testpack first okke. Yes although I'm sure you're pregnant, but I suggest you buy a testpack first."
I ended the phone, and put it on the bed, there are currently two feelings in my heart after hearing the answer from my personal doctor. First I'm happy, sure! this is the moment I look forward to if the result of the testpack is positive. The time when I had to be a mother, where all the women craved it. I was so happy that I smiled to myself at this moment. And secondly, I was sad, I was devastated by the circumstances, my life that never knew the news of him made this self seen as a widow. Yes, like a widow.
I was looking for a digital testpack that Farhan bought back in January, when we decided that in early January we would not use any safety devices when it came to contact. And I didn't expect it to happen that fast. Faster than I imagined. 99% of pregnancy signs appear, just waiting for the results of a digital testpack that I have been fixed with both eyes that slowly start to blur. For a long time I glared at the white thing in front of my bathroom.
As the pounding of my heart that makes me become hot cold in waiting. And Alhamdulillah, subhanallah, Allahu akbar! I pregnant.
I walked with a feeling of blue down the stairs with a very heart. The father I first met, he caught my smile for the first time after three weeks in depression. He was sitting on the sofa reading, initially only his eyeballs were glancing at me, but finally his face also looked up to see my steps and smile as well as tears that dripped.
"i'm pregnant." I showed you a digital testpack that said positive to dad. Dad was shocked by his jerky expression, and he reached for the testpack I gave him and confirmed the location of his glasses he always wore. Instead he also wanted to make sure about my previous words.
" Subhanallah... Father's son is pregnant." father's words with his red eyes that almost turned into clear tears, father's voice was too echoing to make everyone in the house move towards the living room.
"what tho? What's tho..?" mother followed with her swollen eyes from crying over me earlier. Followed by the step mbok Lastri, the hand mbok Lastri still carry a rice mixer sign he just left his job. I smiled happily looking at everyone inside this living room.
Mom instantly grabbed the digital testpack from my dad's hand, looking at my face with affection and compassion mixed with happiness. Mbok Lastri immediately hugged me, his tears were filled. At this moment I realize that there are many people whom God has entrusted to love me and to love me.
Dianatara rinai deep rain outside the window glass pierced by my view, when happiness becomes warmth for us here, there will be new members who enliven the house in the middle of the pine tree.
When I feel his presence, when I laugh and be happy like this everyone in this house feels it with me. I felt the existence of life again after the energy of love came, a gift from the Supreme Rahman, Allah placed a lump of blood in my womb.
From this moment everyone in the house is ready to take care of me. Dad's always ready to take me whenever I want to go and wherever it goes, mom worked with Mbok Lastri to always prepare a healthy and nutritious diet and I was in charge of keeping the fetus and my heart to be more steadfast, at peace with the situation. This is where I felt the energy of great sincerity, and again Allah asserts in the Qur'an that Allah is always with the patient. This means that Allah will hear their complaints, as long as they do not give up hope, Allah will give the best for His servants.
Who else would love a servant if not God..
"have Nurhan's phone yet..?" mother asked me, Nurhan is the abbreviation name of my brother, Nur Hanifah. I nodded doubtfully.
"before the test I asked the same mbak Nur buk" I replied
"ooo, let me tell you later."
Mother nodded at each other exchanged glances with father, they sat in the long guest chair to the east. Still can't believe it because it's too amazed and happy.
It is easy for God to give health to my baby.
"ai sure, now? Let me be ready." Father's spirit rose from his seat. Usually if he rises quickly from sitting will hurt his spine. But this time, he stretched his body to the right and to the left while smiling without any pain.
"eee father's spirit. Doesn't hurt just standing there? Usually well.." wonder, mother protested, her mouth conical like a child.
Dad just laughed while winking. I remembered him again, but soon I took that longing away.
"i'm ready to be." I stepped up.
"how good are we to change the stairs Yasmin using the elevator?" my mother's voice rang out my ears, I giggled at it. So much so that mother cares about me and this fetus.
It's okay, son, there's a mama for you and a family that will take care of both of us.
I stared at the reflection of my body in front of the cold mirror in the corner of the room. This collarbone is so prominent because my body is thin, my hands are getting smaller, I am like a fleshy human being. Except for my sweet pale smile, my eyes were fixed on my slender belly, not believing that I was pregnant, but I realized that I was pregnant. What an amazing feeling.
I wear a light blue, white lacy robe underneath and my favorite pink hijab. Favourite blend of colors, this game that has become the history of my love. A beautiful story. I took a deep breath, noticed once again the location of my hijab and stepped out towards the car that was already roaring in the warm. Dad was already on standby inside while tuning some unfamiliar music in my ears.
"ready..?" dad made sure of me, I smiled at him and nodded.
Slowly he stepped on the gas pedal, without increasing his usual speed. I saw the needle in the speedometer only stayed at a speed of 20 to 30 KM/h. No less and no more. New music sound in dad's car is connected from his Bluetooth mobile phone.
"classical music, good for the fetus.." father muttered without turning his head. "the first trimester also should not drive too fast, worried if there is a hole later even danger to the fetus." he continued, making my eyebrows really rise next to his hers. Then I just smiled and understood it.
"iyya good, better yet the chant of the Qur'an well, if this fetus can memorize the words of God we will certainly be happier. For he will save us from the abyss of hell." I replied making my father feel clumsy, father's feelings are very deep at all, just like me, one of the nature of the inheritance I have from him, too personal a feeling. But I tried not to hurt him and was careful in making sentences.
"let's turn it off." he said, pressing the off button in front of the brake hand. Dad tried to hide the disappointment in the look on his face by smiling at me.
When we finished going down along the path of the winding hill the rain again invaded the earth with a swift, wiper in front of our glass moved quickly wiping the rainwater that blocked the view of the father.
The rain was still stable without wind, the wind was quite heavy but not accompanied by a flash of lightning, the sky was not as dark as it was this morning. And the father did not increase his speed instead he reduced it until the long needle stopped at the number 10, very slow to be more careful.
I felt grateful this second, the news of his presence made me very happy. I never tried to forget Farhan, he was the only man whose face was painted in my mind when I was asleep or when I was awake, his good nature could not make me easily forget him. And I make sure I never forget it. We have testified before the universe to meet again in heaven. I will not blame anyone at this moment, nor will I be angry with anyone or try to forget what has happened, because everything I tried will only end up in vain if I challenge all. I will try to make peace with the situation. The best energy when we have no hope is that we have to be sure that there is wisdom to be learned. Not now, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after tomorrow, maybe some years to come or maybe in heaven. We will remember that we have been patient while living in the world.
Yep.
Peace with the situation.
