LOCKDOWN A Love And Covid - 19

Early summer and new numbers

"I want you to be here now

Laugh with me like I used to

Even if only for a moment God please grant it, instead of this self does not accept the reality..

This heart just misses.."

"your voice is good because it echoes, try to sing outside, it's ugly" my brother commented smoothly like a train, I'm used to it. I heard it with earphones of my favorite song.

The song should have been aimed at my mom, but every time I heard the song, my memory went straight to Firhan, I just missed it.

A very bitter march passed, the world kept turning, people were still with their activities even though there was someone we loved leaving. Tears as hard as anything will not change the circumstances, destiny is destiny. It's just that by shedding tears, there is a million relief in the heart, there are many air stocks that can be inhaled more, not crowded. At the beginning of this summer I was still the same as last month, I became private closed, never spoke except as necessary, even though I had tried to return as before, but in vain. Everything has changed, all about me being active, friendly, soupy just disappeared since Firhan disappeared from this life.

I breathe heavily.

My sister glanced over from behind her phone that was close to her face.

The sound of two petite knights who were playing their imaginary fire swords made a storm of atmosphere. That is why I always wear earphones when the two small soldiers are in action with their fun fantasies.

My eyebrows shot up, a very appropriate sign language to ask the beautiful face behind the phone that had glanced at me.

The translation of the signal is "what clay" with a sewot tone. But my brother refocused again on his phone. Only then did I realize that he was not serious in glancing at me, he just thought hard and it just so happened that I was the one opposite him.

My eyes were fixed on the large and long glass in place of the wall, since sleeping in the villa at the top of the back of my grandmother's house, I preferred to sit near the fireplace, which was a fireplace, on a white sofa with thick fur that warms the feet prevents anyone sitting on it from the cold mountains of Pagilaran tea. From the clear large glass, I opened the width of the white curtain to the side of the glass, until it looked like a real painting of the hillside scenery outside the villa lined and crowded with tea plants. And the beauty of the peak that I like when sitting on the sofa or sculpting near the glass is the panorama of the waterfall that is so visible when summer arrives, if winter is certainly as beautiful a view as this will be covered in thick fog. The cold still seeps into the sidelines of the pore and always tries to freeze my bones for pain.

"mom.." I called my brother who was playing his cell phone.

I'm sure he can't send a message, there's a disappointed and lethargic stroke on his white, crooked face. My brother and I are just as white, only my white is not like it, my white is more inclined to the color of flat. He was wide-eyed with a crescent moon above his eyes, while I was narrow-eyed. She has lashes, and I don't.

My brother can't speak in public while I'm against his nature. Even so, my brother and I are familiar and never distinguish about us.

I remember saying last night, that he felt very sorry to leave the crowd of the hospital, as if he did not want to blend with the virus that has been spread to anywhere. Only recently one positive person in the Batang Regency area.

My brother did not answer, he just stuck his head to the left side letting his phone stay in his hand. It was so sad he was lazy to talk.

"does your phone have a signal..?" ask her again, maybe starting a conversation is better than the same as being silent on the sofa with a mind that is always flying. My fishing was successful and he finally opened his voice.

"there is nothing. We're in the mountains, even though we're the tallest, where we're very difficult to get into signals." Slowly clearly and lazily he answered questions that I already knew the answer to.

Finally we refocused on the busyness that I never understood what kind of busyness for two people like us. It's with his phone and his photo gallery. I'm with my phone and the music of the sad farewell music.

I think my brother would feel uncomfortable if he continued here. But the mother demanded him to be at home during the pandemic. I know how mom feels, how worried she feels when her daughter has to dabble in the world of health, help many people, and have to deal with invisible viruses. If the virus looks, many people will avoid it. If there was a new technology that created covid detection glasses.. Hmm my imagination is always excessive, maybe because I have become a victim of my favorite doraemon cartoon. I racked my brain to find a way to get my brother back to the medical world, and I was able to get into town to turn on my phone notifications that almost never went off except the alarm at dawn.

"snake, go to the hospital. Let me persuade my mother." I listened enthusiastically I saw her eyes twinkle. He nodded with spirit.

"how's it going..?" asked my brother while lowering his leg which he hugged earlier.

"simple. I know how you miss a patient." I said. I took off the earphones that covered my ear holes. I shuddered away from my brother, remembering something important I finally turned around.

"but take me. I'll take care of you with Fatih." Negoku without asking for approval.

My little steps began to look for my mother. It is easy to ask permission from him. I saw that he was busy cultivating new flowers in the secreet garden that had been conjured up like a beautiful forest and shade. Mother asked grandmother's permission to move the place to dry clothes to a place that is brighter and exposed to the sun, although not perfect. It is rare to dry clothes in one day immediately dry, even when dry comes the fog comes enveloping and clothes become cold and damp. I did not expect that the old clothesline would turn into an eye wash, the mother stacking daisies and water lilies lined with random but beautiful alamanda flowers. Expensive bonsai bonsai in Yogyakarta house moved to Pagilaran. The father brought the bonsai here by renting a truck to move the giant tree from my yard first.

"busy.." I called out to him and sat on a tree trunk that was already in the sand as a garden seat. Mother confirmed her glasses that had sagged to the nose while stopping from her activities for a moment when she turned to me.

"hmm.." he just muttered and changed into a tiny seed of daisies.

"it's already April, and the weather's pretty bright, I'm going to the city. Want to see the development of my three favorites at the obstetrician." I smiled spoiled at him when he saw me, the stern look of the mother if it was busy, if it was busy, like people who cannot be invited to dialogue while focusing on their work.

" who would you like to be..?" he asked after a few seconds to think.

"nur's brood will be delivered, and also Aydin's clothes, Fatih's out here."

"indeed my two grandchildren like to play wet until the clothes run out, it never understands the little boy, the name of the mountains is not the maximum heat, clothes piled up until there is no room to dry." my mother nagged about my two nieces. I rolled my eyeballs. Confused what I would say again if mom wouldn't let me go with my sister.

"yes, the heart. Don't shake hands with people, put on the mask, put on the hand.." Pinta mom then made me sigh in relief.

"hand sanitizer buk.." I err on his confusing sentence. My mother grimaced like a young man. Many people are fooled by the face of a young-looking mother with her clean white skin. Only a few indentations on his cheeks were slightly visible when he smiled widely. Everyone who just knew him would think he was in his 40s when his mother was half a century and more three years of life, I always hope that mother in given a long life. I've never been close to him, and only recently have I been close because my father wasn't around me. Dad was not allowed to move to Batang City, of course we were sad to hear. Though repeatedly dad made sure that he was okay.

"there's Pastri ma'am Parman" he replied as we feared he would be lonely. Tough dad, I love him and now I'm learning to be close and love mom.

"heh kok daydreaming, there ready to be." said the mother while nudging my body.

I lifted my foot and headed back to the villa where my brother was warming himself in front of the fireplace. I told him that we could go to town in the afternoon, she would meet her husband who rarely came home and then be busy with some of his patients and I would do the checks on my twins and then get busy with hundreds or even thousands of notifications on my phone. I see her eyes are really happy right now, she plays her smile on me and jumps like a child. I'm sure this will bring him some relief for a while.

"you must try to be happy, learn to be happy inside and out" said my brother from behind the wheel while embracing his two paler-looking, frightened hearts. It's a bad habit of my two nieces if anyone other than his father and mother carries the wheel of a car.

I smiled, our eyes glaring through the windshield.

"i'm trying." I said slowly and clearly.

"iyyah. Mbak knows.. You are better than our shadow. Father and mother were confused and anxious to think about you if you are constantly alone." replied my brother while throwing a glance out the car window.

Traffic is not crowded, the streets are loose, school schools in liburkan, many people are starting to claim to be saturated in their homes, store shops are usually crammed crowded by buyers are barely visible today.

It was the social distancing from the center that kept people at a distance, going out with masks to cover their noses and mouths, and so many percent of people chose to stay at home. It's just that this heart is very sad and pity to see and imagine people who can't stay at home because they are required to work, those who are the backbone of the family, and those who are the backbone of the family, a child who can starve when one day his father does not work. As I saw at the crossroads of this red light, the old man with the shabby mask that should have been washed, looked back and forth towards the street where there were no pedestrians. I don't know exactly how he feels right now, where maybe the contents of his dopet are empty at all, and he will be confused when the innocent face of his son is waiting at home. My tears welled up and I rubbed before falling on my cheek.

"i also feel sorry sometimes if I see the fate of people below us."

Said my brother who turned out to be watching me from the reflection of the car glass.

I smiled looking back, seeing the two people who were pale and frightened asleep.

I went back on the way, before we reached our destination, we stopped in front of the private hospital where Abbas, my brother's husband worked, we waited in the car near the ER door. A stocky-bodied figure in a white coat that enveloped the blue shirt out of the ER door, his eyes glared at my brother's car, he smiled happily. My brother went straight out, without touching, without shaking hands, longing to be paid with mutual eyes and communication. Not much different from video calls. Can talk, can see, can't touch. Soon they walked in tandem to the car, my back window was wide open to see two little babies sleeping in the seat.

"pregnant mother driving." ledeknya with a smile

"pregnant mother is strong dong." I reply to tease her. He looked back and saw his two sons.

I know from the eyes of Abbas that he wants to touch his two children, he misses for a week, of course, he never met. Especially in the village of grandmothers who are far from modern communication, let alone signals.

I took a long breath. Feeling how hard my two brothers struggle, they are the best heroes for a time like this. My sister said goodbye, I saw her tears floating in her quick eyes that she wiped with the back of her hand. I didn't want to see the sight, I threw my eyes far away to divert it.

The door of the car was slammed lightly after my brother went inside, now he was sitting beside me, throwing his face away so as not to look sad. He was quiet during the trip and I knew he was sad.

I heard that many times my phone shakes incessantly, I'm sure more than a thousand notifications came in. I stepped on the gas in order to quickly reach my sister's house.

"turn right, go left straight and up."

Google map will be slow if you talk, but he actually talks lightning-fast without pauses, dots or commas.

"yup we arrive." I said making the two small eyes open heavily exposed to the stinging sun. Lazy lazy chickens they get inside, my brother stays in the car to immediately go to the hospital where he works. I wave my hand after the car has passed.

I immediately took the phone that was vibrating in my pocket. Notification of the news I opened early, everything has not changed, covid-19 increasingly spread, especially in Jakarta my capital city which is famous for its brother's land.

And the worst country with the highest number of patients was italy, I breathed heavily repeatedly. I opened whatsaap with some anonymous messages. Call-by-call missed from a number that doesn't know who, mostly a man and more women, I open one by one their whatsaap profile picture, but I don't know him at all, or even met. I opened the incoming message two days ago on April 3, 2020, I read repeatedly the message from the foreign number.

'' it's me Firhan dik, you're never active. Have you read my message."

I couldn't hold back my tears, I pushed the dial button, until it turned into a ring. I hope the owner of this phone can give me the best news.

" hello. "my speech is raucous, my heart expectantly asks that a blurred voice be the one I am currently longing for.

" hello." answered a stranger from across the street.

"sorry sir, two days ago someone borrowed my phone..?" I really hope my tears fall, my voice changes.

"yes right neng, man." a fanatical sundanese tone came out of his voice answering me.

"do you know where that guy is, sir..? May I speak, sir..?" I asked, rather forcefully at my last sentence.

"wah punten neng, the father of tea does not know."

"oh yes sir. Thanks.."

Hope that was lost, my spirit that once faded, a little restlessness paid off. I am happy but I need to find him. I really miss you, I want to meet you. I have tears that have fallen many times.

One by one I opened the message, in total when I read there are 9 messages and in each number it has called me at least four times.

I started reading one by one, starting from March 24, 2020 exactly one day after I arrived at my grandmother's house. My regrets, my curses, and all my saturation on this soul. The impatient soul. I wish I had been patient to stay in Yogyakarta. And not settle in a small village without a signal. I wanted to bluff but I held it.

**24 march 2020.

09:22

"dik, you didn't answer the phone. It's me Farhan. I'm sorry to have just notified you now. I borrowed someone's phone. I promise I'll go home. I got hit by a disaster. And there's a lot of stories I want to tell you. You're okay, right? Please don't worry. I'm male 😊"

(+628399921365)

march 25, 2020

20:24

"dik, you don't answer the phone anymore. Is your phone dead? Wh why? Are you okay. I'll try to come home. I-i promise. Healthy healthy wife."

(+6282653251222)

march 26, 2020

11:01

"dik, I'm still trying to hear your voice, I hope you're online right now. Isn't this your online clock? I'm gonna find another nice guy for me to borrow his cell phone. I'm sorry my wife, my phone disappeared 😢"

(+62813347621)

march 27, 2020

07:05*

"dik's. Why cellphone? Did you shut it off intentionally? I always hope you're okay. Sorry to fill your message with uncertainty. I promise I'll tell you later."

(+6285223450980)

march 28, 2020

17:45

"your number is never active again, I'm sorry I haven't been able to come. I'm trying to find a job in the meantime."

(+6285788901231)

21:20

"you why my wife? Are you sick? I'm sorry I was late to tell you. I met another nice guy who would lend me his phone."

march 30, 2020

07:45

"my prayer never stops. I'm trying to meet you. I'm sorry that only your number I have memorized. I can't ask for help from my family in Medan. Please activate your phone"

"sorry to make a lot of spam in your inbox. I miss it."

(+62894457632**)

I have tears flowing constantly, my heart hurts, I am so sorry.

Who else am I gonna ask now.

My husband

Make sure you're okay there

So that I don't regret all my decisions.

******

The earth continues to move around the sun making it have to sink into clouds drenched in its dazzling yellow light. I continued to wait, occasionally seeing two small soldiers who were exhausted until they finally fell asleep on the floor.

I stared at the inaudible roar of the waves due to the thickness of the glass and the walls. From the very spacious second floor along with the panoramic view of the beach that stretches in front of my eyes. I still feel like the world is very narrow. I decided to stay here. At my sister's house near sigandu beach. I'll spend my day waiting for a new number. I'm sure someday there will be another number.

I'll wait for the new number to appear in my phone notification.