Is There Love

Unbelievingly

Part 7's

I look around, I don't know where I am. The place is so wide, many weeds swaying with the wind gusts here and there.

“Kenzhi.” I saw the figure of Kenzhi standing some distance away from my location standing right now.

“Kenzhi!” myrag. He just looked and smiled sweetly. I followed up to where Kenzhi was, but he ran away instead.

“Kenzhi, don't run.” I tried to chase him, but his running got faster.

“Zhi, don't go.” I managed to grab his right arm, he stopped his steps.

“Zhi,” lirihku when staring at his face which now also turned to look at me.

“Do not go,” beg me. My tears were dripping, but in fact he just kept smiling.

“Kenzhi. Answer me!” I was irritated.

“Why shut up? Say it. I missed you!” He still doesn't answer.

“No. Let me go,” he said as he took my hand off.

“No! I won't let you go.” I tried to hold his hand.

“Currently, it's time we parted ways. It's my time to go, don't block me.” He took my hand off forcefully and then passed from before me.

“Kenzhi!” my yelling. I quickly chased after him, but his swift pace left me far behind.

“Kenzhi!” my yelling. Now, he's invisible in the eye. I kept looking for him, but I didn't find him.

“Kenzhi!” I kept yelling at him while walking in no direction.

“Kenzhi,” muttered when I saw Kenzhi's figure far ahead. I chased him, but he disappeared. That is, it happens over and over again.

“Kenzhi!” I was surprised, it was just a dream. My breath was decapitated unconditionally. I felt cold sweat running down the clothes I was wearing.

“Where am I?” my question is in my heart. My eyes swept across the room. It's like my room, and it's true. This is really my room. I, who was now lying on the bed, quickly uncovered the blanket that covered my body and then moved to sit on the side.

“What happened? Why am I here?” I keep wondering in my heart. I'm trying to remember what really happened.

“Ah, Kenzhi,” muttered I remembered the incident earlier. Both of my hands, resting on my thighs, are now supporting my forehead.

“Kenzhi,” lirihku. I couldn't hold back my tears that thrashed me wanting to get out quickly.

“I can't believe this,” murmured me. I became sobbing, my feelings were very broken right now.

“Eh Ryn, you are aware.” I heard the voice of someone behind me. Now, he's sitting on the edge of my bed. He stroked my back trying to calm me down.

“Mother,” I looked at the one beside me turned out to be mom.

“Mother knows how you feel,” she said as she clasped my shoulder. Without thinking long, I immediately squandered my mother's hug.

“Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why is this happening to me, Mom? Why?” my crying is becoming more and more. My breath is an irregular hiccup.

“Ryn, you must be sincere,” said mother.

“Let Kenzhi relax there. If you're like this, you'll hurt him Ryn.” Mother advised.

“No Ma'am, Kenzhi is not dead. Don't talk like this!” my call does not accept.

“But this is the fact that Ryn, Kenzhi is gone,” said the mother confirmed.

“No. This is not true! Information must be wrong.” I just keep ngeyel.

“This is right, I've confirmed the information to the airport.” I still can't believe it.

“But ... I .. I ...” I can't continue my words.

 

Suddenly someone knocked on my door. I immediately took off my mother's embrace, and I saw Sasa, Daffa, Brother Gavin come inside. They look at me pity. His eyes show sadness. Mother moved from her seat, replaced by Sasa who was now sitting next to me. Sasa hugged me tightly.

 

“Sasa,” lirihku.

“Ryn, I know it's hard for you, but you must be sincere Kenzhi. Let him calm down there,” said Sasa.

I took off Sasa's embrace, both my hands covered my face and I sobbed.

“No. This is not true! Why are you guys talking like this? Kenzhi is not gone! Kenzhi is alive,”.

“Ryn, you have to be patient. This is true, we have confirmed to the airport.” I still can't believe it.

“What Sasa said is true. In fact, we checked it more than five times, and the result is the same.” Daffa steadied Sasa's words.

“I can't believe it. You lied! Kenzhi is alive,” elakku.

“Ryn ...” Sasa looked at me so compassionately.

I wiped my tears, I tried to sigh even though it was still a hiccup.

“Let me alone, I beg you all to come out,” I said half-calling.

“But Ryn ...” protest Sasa.

“I want to be alone. Don't bother me!” I said steadily.

 

A few seconds later, my room was quiet, just me inside. I went back sobbing, still like a dream. I can't afford to lose Kenzhi.

 

The twilight had changed the night, but I still could not stop my crying.

“Ryn, open the door. This is Brother, let me in.”I heard Alby's voice from outside, with a knock on the door.

“No. Don't bother me!” myrag.

“Just a minute, let me in,” please Brother Alby. Maybe I can tell you a story with Alby's sister.

“He is the only one who can give me hope to believe me,” I thought.

 

I got up, and opened the door. When I saw Alby's face, I hugged him. I feel like I want to spill my grievances.

 

“Sit down, you don't be like this Ryn, don't cry anymore,” she said as she invited me to sit down, then wiped my tears.

“Kakak,” lirihku.

“Why do you talk like this? My sister is the same as them. Kenzhi isn't dead yet, brother, he's not gone!” I couldn't hold back my flowing tears.

“Listen to Brother, you must be strong. It's Ryn's destiny, what else can we do? Disavow it? That's not possible. Kenzhi is gone, don't hurt him with your tears like this. Tears will not solve the problem, you better pray for him.” Every word Alby said hurt me more.

“No! Kenzhi is alive. Brother don't talk like that! I think Big Brother understands, but in fact I wrongly believe Big Brother,”, I said with a breath that was still as hiccuping.

“Not so Ryn ... Sister ... Meaning ...” Brother Alby's face looked nervous as I stared at him sharply.

“Get out of my room! I want to be alone!” I pulled Alby out of the room.

“Wait a minute, that's not what Brother meant. Sister can ...” I can't believe it anymore.

 

I quickly closed the door, then locked it. I threw myself into bed. I embrace my beloved doll which is now my water tank. My hands were clenched, and several times I knocked on the bed. I growled, I was upset. There's nothing I can trust anymore.

 

#####

It's been a week since that incident, I've still locked myself in my room. I never saw the outside world again, which I knew was just a change between day and night. I don't care how many alphas are on my class absences list.

I don't care anymore, how I'm doing now. My condition may be very bad, my eyes feel swollen, and my physique is very weak. I still hate everyone who says Kenzhi's gone. I'm sure Kenzhi's alive.

 

Now, home is just me. Mom had left for the restaurant this morning, and Alby's sister had gone back to Malang for college last night. I am bored at home too. I finally decided to go to a lake not far from home. The lake was already my favorite place when I wanted to find tranquility.

 

“Ah, relieved to feel. I can breathe free air, my inner”.

 

After arriving at the lake, I sat leaning under a large tree near the lake. I played the Kenzhi-given music box that I now carry, and there appeared a Cinderella doll dancing around to the melody. I enjoyed this atmosphere so much, it felt like the burden now there was reduced.

 

“Kenzhi,” lirihku.

“There are so many memories of us, my inner”.

 

I remember when he used to surprise me at this lake. He brought me here after school. Then from inside his bag he took out a setoples of chocolate candy. He said the candy was given to him after returning from Singapore.

In the past, every semester break, Kenzhi always vacationed in Singapore. Not just a real vacation, because that's where her parents live. And every time he came home to Indonesia, he always took the time to buy chocolate candy for me. That was the first time I had ever given him chocolate candy. I also remember, when we first ate with the chocolate candy.

 

At that time, we took a boat on the edge of the lake. Kenzhi paddled him to the middle, and we sat facing each other. The candy jar I was holding was opened, but Kenzhi's ignorant nature was present ruining the atmosphere.

 

When I was busy eating candy, Kenzhi brought his seat closer to me, and I retreated. However, Kenzhi continued to urge me who was sitting more and more over, until the boat was suddenly out of balance, and overturned.

 

Specially? Surely both of us fell into the lake, and the sweets had already somehow fated. Not feeling guilty, he was even vague. The uniform we wore was also soaked.

 

I was very upset, and I scolded him all out. He just smiled at me, then splashed water on my face. Because I did not accept it, I also returned it. Uh, we're playing with water.

I don't think I've remembered those memories for too long. It felt like my heart was getting sliced, my chest felt tight. I continued to play the music box I held, swept away in the atmosphere of music.

 

“Zhi, I'm sure, someday we'll meet again. I'm sure, you're alive.” I wiped the tears on my cheek.

“Ryn,” greet someone from behind. I looked back, and I found Gavin standing behind me.

“Kak Gavin,”.

“What is Brother here for? Better brother go home. I want to be alone, don't bother me!” I moved from my seat intending to dodge, but Brother Gavin first prevented me. Her hand held my arm, giving a code so I wouldn't leave.

“I need to talk, let me here,” please.

“Let go of me.” I looked at him sharply.

“No. I'm not going to let go of it.” He tightened his hand grip.

“For more? There's nothing to talk about. Brother is the same as them, it is impossible mem ..” I no longer looked at him, my eyes fixed to the front.

“I believe. I'm one-sided with you. So, give me some talk time.” I'm not done talking yet, Brother Gavin has cut my conversation. I gasped at Gavin's words, but I couldn't believe it.

“No. I can't believe it, just go home,” I said throw him out.

“I'll be home, if you go home,” said Mr. Gavin.

“Until when do you torture yourself like this? Look at your condition, very bad. You think Kenzhi is happy to see you like this? It is a big mistake you have made. Like this, you keep hurting him. In fact, if your tears run out, and dry, it also can not make things improve.” I couldn't hold back my tears, but I was still trying to be indifferent.

”I won't be home. What does it matter Brother? Don't look at me for pity! We are not friends, just a Classmate and Classmate.” I can't stand my labile condition. I said that around.

“No. I care. If I'm not one-sided with you, what am I here for? You misjudged me. I know you, but you never realize it. It's not important to discuss now, I just want you to go home. Don't be selfish, and blame a lot of people.

 

I trust you. I believe Kenzhi is alive. I promise, I'll help you find information about Kenzhi. My dad's a cop, he's got a lot of friends, and you can trust him. I'm going to ask my father for help in tracking down the tragedy of the accident. Although it happened abroad, but it was not too difficult for a policeman.” Gavin said each word steadily.

 

“What ... Brother really trust me?” I asked doubtfully.

“Of course. You've hurt your mother, she's been your selfish victim. Ye know? He is so worried about you now. Go home. We will search together the news about Kenzhi, you can keep my promise.”

 

I didn't even think about my mother, how she is now I don't know. For a whole week, I locked myself up and never met anyone. I must have hurt her feelings too much. I'm not strong anymore pretending to be a bitch.

My tears flowed profusely, now inside me raging, between Kenzhi's troubles, and also mother's feelings. I've been selfish, and I'm not supposed to. My body was limp, I immediately fell to the ground.

 

“Have it, don't cry like this. Let's go home,” take Brother Gavin while wiping my tears.

 

I nodded slowly, agreeing with Gavin's invitation. Brother Gavin helped me stand up, but suddenly my stomach ached, my head was heavy and dizzy. My body felt so limp, my vision grew blurry, then it darkened and I couldn't remember anything.