I Need Restu

seventeen

Adjustment of my behavior and bang irham went well even though sometimes there are still misunderstandings but can still be resolved. Slowly bang irham a little open to every problem he faced or there is a reason that makes him dizzy to think about it, although not all but at least bang irham a little share with me.

About the attitude of the mother slowly I began to accept and a little did not memepermisgapansasi, although sometimes there are words that make me sad but I have to how, in addition to memeplimu.

One of the toughest problems I have to solve is the blessing of my parents, slowly but surely I have to get it, but now the obstacle is the cost to go to my hometown. Indeed requires a fee that is not small here I must be good at managing finances smart saving so that I and bang irham can visit.

Actually here I have a sister who is studying in this city but apparently he also cut off contact with me not only he almost all my brother and sister so, so, once I tried to contact him and come to him but my efforts were in vain.

In the end I resigned to the situation and hoped for a miracle, not not not trying but it turns out my efforts have not been that much.

A few months later, when I visited my mother's house, it turned out to be the happy news that was obtained with Zahra's pregnancy, one side I'm happy the other side is raging in my heart why I don't get pregnant, it is not wrong considering me and bang irham have just been married for a few months but I also want to get pregnant, especially with various comments people as if they are God who determines the fate of someone, especially with various people, there is a sense of insecurity in my heart. On the other hand with the mother-in-law who justifies her remarks about the twin marriages we did one of them will not last long or have no children.

How broken my heart would be the attitude of the person who seemed to knock me mentally, they do not know even though only a few months married have dozens of testpacks that I tried but apparently God has not given confidence in me and bang irham.

They don't know with their various comments will make me more helpless to make me despair, though this is a natural thing God still wants me and bang irham to know each other and solve the problems that exist in our marriage.

My day was spent with tears hoping that the miraculous tones of God would leave her little angel in my womb, although here bang irham always entertains and encourages my heart but sometimes when I remember the comments that dropped my mentality the tears came back.

One side I know God is proving the story that circulated, that I was married because I was pregnant out of wedlock. Here indeed God proves that what is spread does not happen. But it turns out I was wrong, with not pregnant I came back again circulating the story that I miscarried. O Allah, what slander is this, even I swear that I never got pregnant at all.

I don't know now who I blame again, Back must bear it to hold it himself. As if I didn't have to tell who, maybe I could tell it to bang irham, but one side there's no way I'd tell it all considering it's mom. I don't want to make things worse for mother and son.

Sometimes I go back to thinking did I make the wrong choice? Did the irham bang family not accept my presence? I have to how, I really need a sharing friend. I miss my mom and dad, I miss my brother where I share my place complaining but why now I have to endure it myself. Aahh really is the best place to go back is family, but if things are like me this must somehow be other than holding it myself.

Many times I had protested on bang irham although not all uneg uneg I said but that's the response bang irham, I also need a solution. Bored with the word that always bang irham say especially when not patient and patient.

I don't want to go to Mom's house, on the one hand I feel alienated I was treated differently with when there was bang irham of course it was very clear my difference was even repeatedly mother told me to others with the language of the region in here, here, maybe you think I'm a stranger does not understand the meaning of what is said but of course I misunderstand some of the meaning of the language even though I don't speak even some friends kos q first is a native of the area here automatically there is something I understand.

I know here maybe I am not appreciated and not considered like other mother-in-law because I am like a child who was thrown away no communication from my family other than om ardi who still occasionally contact me maybe you know about the problems that happen to me.

I also want to be loved I want to be considered like the others, but I have to how? Zahra's pregnancy was really the Happy news that I heard I was happy and it was sincere that I congratulated her, hoping that someday I could get pregnant. Without thinking about what people are talking about but it is really the influence of people's speech is very extraordinary to drop my mentality.

After my mother's house at that time my mind was very chaotic, I had time to hate and blame my destiny, throw dozens of testpacks that I stocked at home, I had time to hate and blame my destiny, hoping that tomorrow when I wake up I can see line two on the testpack, aahh really I know I'm wrong I can't be like that but what my day. I feel like I've been knocked down at the lowest point of life, hoping to wake up and it's like nothing happened.

Various kinds of tests that I have to face, not one me and bang irham finish me back in the test by dropping my mentality, making me like reluctant to meet others, making me reluctant to meet others, made me go back to blaming fate.

I'm slowly getting up and want to fix everything slowly back in the test with a test that made me fall back. I again need very support from the people closest to me, although bang irham support me but I feel there is less. I really need the support of my mom and dad.