
On the way home Disa invites me to talk, but I always ignore. Many times he apologized but I didn't answer. At home, he did the same. Still I don't mind. This is the secret that he has been hiding. He liked Sanu but never told me. What kind of brother is he who does not want to share with his twin. Had it been a story from the beginning, maybe I could have refrained from liking Sanu. Moreover, he liked Sanu more than me. And it was all revealed when I found the diary in the middle of the pile of clothes in his suitcase, when I was about to borrow a jacket. The thing I was worried about happened again. For the umpteenth time I have been hurt by someone I love. Now I don't trust Disa anymore. The closed war has begun. I slowly kept my distance from him. We can't get as close as we used to be. My brother has become an enemy.
Unbeknownst to the lover, I often met Dayat. Whenever I feel lonely and sad, Dayat is the first person I call. I told you everything that happened. From my love for Sanu, Disa betrayed me to make Mas Vino a place to escape. My twin did the same. He often shares stories with men who are always enthusiastic about listening to us whenever there is a problem. The man also told me that he actually knew from the beginning that Disa liked Sanu. But the girl didn't dare to tell me, she was afraid that I would get hurt. And in fact this incident was more painful than Disa being honest from the start. Now I've been hurt by his attitude all this time. Even so, Dayat still defended Disa and told me to apologize to her. Why is everyone siding with Disa anyway!!!. Everyone defended Disa and blamed me. I also began to stay away from Dayat, feeling useless confided in him, anyway he will always defend Disa.
Now my days are more to be alone and complete research as a thesis material. Many times Mas Vino invited to meet, but I often refused on the grounds that I was working on a thesis. He's a good man, but I don't love him. Sometimes this self feels guilty to the man, has toyed with his love. The white man often asked why lately I rarely visit Sanu. Huft. But I can't possibly say, it would only hurt her heart. I know his love is sincere, he is always there whenever I need to, always apologizing whenever I feel disappointed, helping to do the thesis and almost never late to pick up. I tried to love her, but it didn't work.
Once I was introduced to his family. They're a good family. Mas Vino was the first of three children. His younger brother is still in college second semester and the female is still in first grade SMK. The eldest son often told his mother about me. So, when we meet we can be familiar. Her father was too busy working. We only met for a moment in the yard, just say hello and then he went to drive a car.
Tomorrow morning Sanu will be home. Mas Vino invited me to come pick up. Actually, I'm very lazy to go to the Hospital, especially there must be Disa. I cannot bear to see their closeness, whereas I myself must be forced to be with the male cousin of the owner of this heart. When they are happy, I am the only one who is sad. But I have to keep coming. I don't want Sanu and his family wondering why I wasn't there. All this time I've been using the thesis excuse not to visit Sanu. I didn't want the couple to know that I was mad at the girl who was going to be their daughter-in-law. I try to hold back my anger when I get together.
He arrived at the hospital first, with his taxi driver. He had invited me along, but I refused. I asked my boyfriend to pick me up, of course he was very excited. Before going to the hospital, we went to the mall. Reason for a very heavy longing, I asked him to postpone picking up his brother first so that he could stay alone. He nodded, pleased.
The man who is now my lover bought me some clothes and bought me a meal at the restaurant. I refused, but he insisted.
“Mas, I'm a matre girl! Bought many clothes gini.” I complained, showing some paper bags containing clothes.
“Not. You're not a matre girl. I know it. Don't mind people.” Rebuttals. She stroked my hair gently, then embraced my shoulder. We walked down the stairs.
After the news that Sanu was going home, we just went to the Hospital. When he returns home, Sanu and Disa join Mas Vino's car, while Sanu's parents are with his other brother. Huft. Every now and then I glanced at Sanu and Disa who were sitting at the back. It feels this cold body heat. The heart seemed to want to break every time it saw them face to face with a smile. There was love in that eye, love that hurt me.
The dense streets of the capital city make cars slow down, but sometimes speeding. We spent a lot of time on the road. After passing several corners and meeting the guard post, we entered a paving road surrounded by housing and parks. The car stopped in front of a large green fence. A man in a black uniform came out and pushed the fence to reveal a large beautiful house with a large garden, making these eyes bulge instantly. That amazement was what I felt, maybe also what my twin felt when I glanced at it from the glass. The paint is dominated by light green. Near the terrace are already parked three cars lined up. Mas Vino again drove his car into the yard and stopped behind another car. We went out and walked towards the house.
Mas Vino did tell me that Papa Sanu was a lawyer, but I did not think his house was this big. Disa is very lucky to be the daughter-in-law of a good and rich family like them. If only I had chosen Sanu. I must be very happy. We went into the living room, there were Sanu's parents and relatives.
“Later if Sanu is completely healed, we and our family will come to Java to propose to you officially.” I faltered to hear Mama Sanu say to Disa while we were busy chatting in the living room, until the tea I drank spilled because it was too shocked. So did my brother, he coughed at hearing it. Spontaneous we stared at each other, confused.
“Isn't it too fast, Tan? I just haven't finished college.” Disa looked at Mama Sanu, a little nervous.
“Of course not. It's common for college kids to get married. Especially the thesis. It's just a proposal, right? Not yet set a wedding date?” Mama Sanu sipped her tea.
“But, Tan. Our parents don't know Sanu yet? I think it's too sudden if suddenly the proposal. While all this time Disa has never been seen close to men.” I said, supporting Disa.
“It can be set, Son. Isn't ta’aruf like that. If there is a match, it must be accelerated. I don't know much about Ta’aruf. That's your business. We as parents are supportive. Later we will visit your home, introductions between parents. Aren't you, Ma?” Papa Sanu spoke up.
“Iya, Pa.” They look at each other. “Iya, Disa, Difa.” Mama Sanu looked at me and Disa. “Marriage issues, it's a parent's affair. Want to be accelerated or wait for graduation, later deliberated together.”
I can hardly believe hearing it. This eyeball suddenly looked at the figure of a man who was sitting smiling stealing glances with a girl. If this self becomes his wife, I will do my best for my beloved husband. Darling the delusion was destroyed by Disa. I glanced at him, cynical.
“Hhhmm…. It could also be mbak, calculate-calculate save cost.” Mama Mas Vino glanced at the two of us, “How, are you guys ready to get married?”
Oh no. I'm getting stressed out about all this. Just be right! I married a man I did not love. My mind's getting messed up. This brain is going to explode in a matter of seconds.
Mas Vino smiled, embracing me. “Of course we are ready. Aren't you, baby?” He glanced at me.
Be present!!! Mucke me!!! Where may I be ready to marry Mas Vino, love alone is not, my inner self.
“NO!!” My protest. I closed my mouth with my right hand, looking at all the occupants of the room, embarrassed.
They were shocked, hearing me scream. Spontaneous staring questioningly.
“Sorry. I'm not ready, Tan! I still want to go to college and work. I still want to reach my goals. I still want to be free and not ready to be a wife.” Anxiety was very visible on my face, a feeling I could not hide. I don't want to marry Mas Vino, my inner self.
The mood was suddenly quiet. There is a sense of awkwardness among the occupants of this room.
~*~
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