I Can Without You

29. New Backrest

"I can without you. Keinan and I can survive without you in our lives" Shofi said, staring intently at Bayu.

Bayu again gasped to hear the words of Shofi who was so full of emphasis.

"Four years, and why are you here just now to demand recognition as Keinan's real father? Why not before?"

Bayu fell silent with his face down. Yes, he admitted that he was very guilty because for four years he had never met Keinan. And only today did he come to meet his biological son.

"Four years of me and Keinan living our lives without you. You don't know how hard it was for us to live four years of our lives? Forced to move house due to the insistence of residents who were disturbed by my status of a widow. Even in a new residence, we still experience almost the same thing."

Both Bayu and Cloud fell silent, listening to Shofi who was speaking, letting out his heart at this moment.

"You don't know how I'm often run over by angry mothers who feel their husbands are tempted because of me? You don't know how Keinan is often ridiculed by his friends because he doesn't have a father? You do not know how sad Keinan because he felt jealous of his friends who get love and attention from a father? And you also never know how the wound of my heart saw the sadness on Keinan's face?"

Both of Shofi's eyes had started to glaze over at this moment. His heart felt so claustrophobic considering how his life journey with Keinan for four years yesterday, after being left by Bayu.

"You don't know, and you don't want to know, how difficult the life that Keinan and I have been living for four years. And now, suddenly you came, and you lightly demanded a confession as the real father of Keinan. Hey, you're still sane, right? Where is your conscience that abandoned me and Keinan four years ago? And now you suddenly come demanding a confession like this. Sorry, you're so late."

"Four years I and Keinan could have survived without you. And even now we don't need your presence in our lives either" Shofi said.

"Why do you want to marry someone else?" ask Bayu.

Shofi immediately turned to Bayu with an increasingly sharp gaze. So did the Cloud who instantly gritted his teeth and clenched both of his hands tightly. Both were angry and offended by the question posed by Bayu earlier.

Shofi stood up straight from his seat.

"What right do you have to ask me? Whether I get married again or not is none of your business. You have no right whatsoever to interfere in my life" Shofi said.

"That's not what I mean. I just---"

"Enough!" cut off Shofi to Bayu who wants to defend himself. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing we need to talk about anymore. Excuse me."

Shofi then immediately turned around and stepped quickly leaving Bayu.

"Shophi. Hold on, Shofi. Listen to my explanation first," call Bayu who has stood up from his seat.

"Ah, fuck!" as if Bayu punched the air in front of him.

Bayu again sat himself in the garden chair and then scooped his face with both hands.

The clouds feel grateful that Bayu has absolutely no intention of pursuing Shofi. The cloud then left its hiding place behind the tree. And with a quick step Awan then attempted to catch up with Shofi.

'Ah, he's here apparently.'

The clouds breathed a sigh of relief as soon as they saw Shofi sitting crying on the garden chair near the fountain. The clouds then walked over to Shofi.

"Assalamu'alaikum," said the Gentle Cloud.

Shofi flinched and immediately raised his face that was already filled with those tears.

"Wa'alaikumsalam's chat. The Clouds?" shofi was surprised to find out that it was a cloud.

"Actually I really want to be able to hug you and calm you. But because now it can not be, yes already Mas pinjemin aja Mas back for you."

Shofi frowned, still unable to digest the words from the Cloud.

The clouds then turned his body back to Shofi.

"Nih, Mas pinjemin backs Mas for you. You can cry as much as you can on Mas's back" Awan explained.

For a moment Shofi tried to digest the words Awan. A few seconds later, Shofi made a small smile, with tears streaming down his cheeks. According to Cloud's words earlier, Shofi then dropped his head, stuck his forehead on Cloud's back and again shed his tears.

Shofi cried as he pleased at the back of the clouds. Spilling all the tightness he was feeling right now. The clouds clenched both of his hands tightly. It felt like Awan's heart was very sick to see Shofi who was crying until like that.

It had been about fifteen minutes Shofi cried so much at the back of the Clouds. Shofi even lightly gripped the Clouds shirt from behind. It was as if channeling all the emotions he was feeling right now. The clouds remain silent. Letting Shofi cry as much as he did, so that his heart could feel more relieved.

Not long after, Shofi's cries began to subside. There are only small speckles that the clouds can still hear. Shofi then raised his head from the back of the Clouds. The cloud slowly turned its body back and faced towards Shofi.

"Happy? Are you feeling relieved?" awan asked while giving his handkerchief to Shofi.

Shofi receives the Cloud's handkerchief.

"Already, Mas. Thank you," Shofi replied by wiping his tears using the handkerchief given by Cloud earlier. "I'm sorry, Mas. Mas Awan's clothes got wet, "sorry Shofi later.

"No pa-pa. Just a doang shirt," Cloud replied with a smile.

"Why do you know I'm here?"

"Hehe, sorry, I was following you."

Shofi rounded his eyes in surprise at the Cloud's reply.

"So actually Mas intends to pick you up. But then I saw your ex-husband meet you. I don't want anything to happen to you, so I will follow you from behind. Sorry, yes" said the cloud.

"So you heard all of our talk?"

"Yes. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation. Really," said Awan trying to convince Shofi.

"Hmm, no pa-pa, Mom. I got it. In this way, I already know what we were talking about. So I don't have to explain anything to Mas Awan" Shofi replied with a smile.

"Even though Mas is not horrified, you also do not need to explain anything the same. Because I believe in you" said Awan earnestly.

Shofi's smile grew wider. Shofi then touched the back of Cloud's right hand and held it gently.

"Thank you very much, Mommy. Thank you for being present in my life and Keinan. Thank you for being a new support to my heart and this fragile Keinan. Keinan and I were very lucky to meet Mas Awan. Thank you very much, Mas," said Shofi sincerely.

"You don't have to thank me, Shofi. I also feel very lucky to meet you and Keinan. And Mas also felt happy, if Mas can indeed be a new backup for the two of you," Cloud replied with a gentle smile.

Cloud and Shofi threw smiles at each other. Both of them feel grateful for being able to meet and finally try to step together to complement each other.