For You Little Girl's

CHAPTER 11 I CAN'T

The night was getting late, but drowsiness still did not come to me. All the tasks I completed were on time. Just a moment ago, there was an incident in my room. Where, my roommate Yira gets punished for a mistake she didn't commit.

“This is the ethics of a student?”, asked Bu Yani in a cold tone with a sharp gaze making me shudder in horror.

Geez, he looks a lot like a gangster. No, more precisely a monster. So horrible.

I can see, he was so angry at my friend Yira. Many times – times he cursed even to violence, until finally I decided to help Yira.

“Bu, on what basis was the accusation directed to Yira? Was mom at the scene? No no?”, my question with a little raised my voice.

Bu Yani looked at me so fiercely. Then, step forward towards me while showing the evidence of the mistake made by Yira. A short video with a duration of two minutes.

I nodded in disbelief at what I saw. There is a belief that the girl in the video is not Yira. My suspicions are growing against this school and dorm.

It is becoming more and more clear now that something is wrong with this place. She, the middle-aged woman who was staring at Yira with a murderous aura, convinced me of one thing.

He was one of the people to be suspected who hid behind the identity of a builder. The mask makes me sick.

Yira just kept quiet while looking at me with a smile that she forced. There was a pain that I felt when I saw a friend who was close enough to me had to get treatment that I thought was unnatural.

“Sa, I'm good – okay. Despite everything, I know that you still believe in me. Take good care –baik, because if you misstep, you can lose your precious wings”, Yira said while whispering in my ear when Bu Yani had already come out first.

I stared when I heard Yira's words. I looked at the back that was getting away and disappeared behind the door. Yira will no longer be here as a form of punishment that he must accept in an unspecified period of time.

...***...

In the other hemisphere, he who managed to attract my attention was also the same as me. Still can not close the eyes, because drowsiness as if reluctant to greet him. Standing alone behind the window while staring at the night sky.

The cold no longer felt like it was touching her skin. He just kept quiet with a sad look that looked so bitter. Just now that his worries were gone, he grew even more fearful, especially when news of Yira began to spread among the students.

He who became a hope, a reason for me to survive, now scares me.

He seemed to be breathing as if he had not inhaled oxygen for a long time. Tears were back on her cheeks with a more sad face.

Umi…. Can I do it? Am I strong enough to accept everything when I know the truth?

Can I exercise your trust? Can I afford that? Can I stop, it feels really painful.

I'm tired of everything. I want to rest for a moment in peace. Can I give up? Really, I'm scared. Rauf's scared, Bi, Mi.

A – male who always smiles with a happy face, although occasionally shows a flat expression, looks so fragile. The smile that always adorned his face, was only a mask to cover the wounds that no one knew. He continued to sob while occasionally carving out a smile.

...***...

I can not close my eyes even repeatedly I go back and forth – times the bathroom because most drink. I glanced towards the window that showed the night sky with a few visible stars.

I lyrics the clock on the wall while grunting annoyed, because time has shown two o'clock in the morning. However, my eyes still refused to shut. I turned my gaze towards the balcony, then moved up and walked over.

I stretched out my hands while breathing the night air with a bone-chilling cold. Even the night breeze blew away the hijab I was wearing, waving beautifully like someone doing a movie scene.

I don't know if the bullet went through his heart or not. All I know is that he was very badly injured. However, I don't know who attacked him. That guy's not very clearly visible.

Sometimes, I choose my ego by believing that the – man is not my father. But, as hard as I refused, that was the reality.

The face that I wanted to see so much, wanted me to feel, wanted me to kiss her cheek to show how much I loved her.

Hugging her, to express how much I miss her. Crying in his arms. Then fell asleep under his protection, the protection of a father against his son.

My memory came back when I was in elementary school. Every time there is a parent meeting or report card, I always see how the interaction between the father and his son.

There was a sense of tightness when witnessing that and also there was a sense of pleasure, because they had a real father.

Every time there was an art show and a school festival, I could only comment on the smile of witnessing such an impossible sight. Is it wrong if I want a father's love?

“Oh mother's favorite diamond, how are you here? From now on, your mother and two brothers are looking for you, Nak”, said the mother when she saw me sitting alone in a park.

“Sara just wants to sit here, Mom. Sara did not understand what the parents were talking about. So, Sara came here aj”, I replied with a sweet smile towards mother.

“Other times, if you want to go, permission first let us not lose, Ra”, said Bang Haziq who came along with Bang Shariq.

Bang Haziq was my first –-boy brother. He was always worried if I disappeared. Moreover, he was well aware of the reason I often disappeared. He grabbed me while putting a crown on my head.

“A princess as beautiful as you, certainly must be well guarded. As for diamonds that always get preferential treatment, then you also have to be treated special”, said Bang Aziq with a satisfied smile after the crown was attached to my head covered in a headscarf.

“You are as precious as diamonds and your presence is very special for us”, continued Bang Aziq again.

“Iya nih the Sara, make us worried to know? Not to mention that the mother panicked subhanallah”, complained Bang Ariq to me while displaying his pouting face.

“Sorry, because Sara has made Mom and Brother worried. I love you guys”, I said while still smiling sweetly as if there were no wounds that cut my heart.

A single tear fell from my eye. The memory of my journey in the absence of a father, so painful to recall. My feet are no longer able to stand.

I wept. Again, again, and again. Sobbing alone in silence with the night getting late. The cold was getting more and more piercing, but it did not make me cold at all. Just leaving an old wound that was getting stifling.

Mom, Sara's missing. Very homesick. Missing the embrace of a mother that is so soothing. Sara miss.

Hiks.. hiks…

When will everyone find a meeting point, ma'am? Sara wants to give up, but Sara is confused.

Bang Aziq, good brother – well peddled there? Don't you miss me, your precious little diamond?

Bang Ariq, Sara misses all the behavior of her brother. Missing the laughter that always pisses me off.

Sara misses you guys. But Sara can't go back now. Can't, hiks…

I can't.