Combined In Marriage

Distress from attitude change

I don't want to make a bad relationship with Sarah, I don't want to do it. I don't want to hurt him or make him feel cheated by doing things like this behind his back.

I am a woman and I know very well how a woman feels when they are cheated without their knowledge by the person they truly love, not such a thing would make one feel depressed and also tormented.

I certainly want Mas Dimas, really, really want him, we're both going to have this guy in front of me together. After all it was Sarah who was more deserving of Mas Dimas, even though I was the first wife of Mas Dimas but I could not act as I pleased, nor would I bear to be hurt.

"Come on Mas" I clasped Mas Dimas' hand and brought him down to the kitchen for dinner, I have to keep him healthy, otherwise Sarah could be mad at me haha.

"Darling" that call really made my heart beat like hell.

"Yes" I try not to look nervous.

"What color do you like?" that question sounds strange but I also want to tell it to Mas Dimas.

"I, I like pink Mas, Mas love what color?" it was so strange when she looked me in the eyes like that even though I was also so lulled and liked her.

"Mas thought it didn't really matter" now he sounded like the Mas Dimas I used to hear, if I didn't want to talk about it why did he ask? I got a little demoralized after hearing the answer, not really the answer but rather the way he spoke indifferently, maybe I was too emotional and took it so deep, Dimas is like that.

I'm cooking, I'm sorry to bring her down with me, now it feels so awkward. I very often act without thinking first, do I have to let Mas Dimas sit still without asking him to speak? I don't feel good leaving it alone but we're both in this house, if he goes up even he'll stay alone, do I sound evil? haha.

"What was your relationship with the man that day?" I heard Mas Dimas open his voice but I was really surprised by what he asked, when will Sarah come home?

"Where is Mas?"

"It seems you don't want to answer Mas's question, Ajeng the person turned out to be like gini yah?" is he insinuating me? Yeah, that really sounds like satire, am I wrong?

"I mean Mas?" I immediately turned to look at him looking for answers, ah! her gaze, I can't follow that body language anymore, it's like a new thing to me even though Mas Dimas usually looks at me like that, actually it always feels weird when he looks at me like that, I really liked him every time he did.

"Did Mas Dimas see all the women with such a gaze?"

"Why?"

"I'm not looking at any other woman besides Sarah" I shouldn't be jealous, I'm the one who started this conversation.

"Mas Dimas must have loved Sarah so much, Sarah was so lucky to get the love of Mas Dimas" I don't sound unfortunate no, I can't say aloud maybe Mas Dimas heard me a little softly, I don't want him to think that.

After I said those words Mas Dimas stopped talking, I continued to prepare my cooking. I don't want to linger, I hope Sarah comes home soon. Usually I am happy when I am alone with Mas Dimas, but at this time I am thinking hard so as not to linger to make him feel bad about my existence, Mas Dimas didn't show me the gurgle that made me think that, I was the one who felt that way.

I have a lot of questions in my head, is it possible that this guy also has the same feelings towards me, I want him so deeply does he feel the same way too? Maybe he just loved me as a brother? I don't want all those feelings! Do I sound greedy? I don't know what kind of affection he said that day.

Never mind, the important thing is that he did not hate me like we were married in the first place, did he hate me then? I wonder again, many questions that come to my mind right now, I don't feel like she hated me so much back then maybe she just didn't like me, but isn't that the same?

Did Mas Dimas like it when he was alone with me? Did she miss Sarah when she was just the two of me? If that was the case I would really be very sad, I don't know what kind of feeling it would be if it were true.

We finished dinner as usual, did Mas Dimas dislike my statement earlier? He still remained silent, sometimes I felt that Mas Dimas never cared for me just because of a slight change in his attitude that became indifferent, but I then became very lulled as he behaved so well to me.

I know if I was the one who started that stupid statement, Mas Dimas didn't talk about it, was I stupid? Was it with just those words that Mas Dimas became angry and disliked me anymore? I was sad to think about it, whether I would be alone again.

I know that I shouldn't have thought so, but I'm afraid that if those bad feelings come back, I've started to have good relations with Mas Dimas it's impossible if this just breaks down, isn't it? Will this be corrupted only by my words that meant nothing at all?

I better get ready for the worst, I don't want to think calmly for all the possibilities that will happen, I can't think if this is just my feeling, I don't want it if it doesn't match my expectations.

~Author POV~

Dimas was silent with Ajeng's words, he didn't know if the woman would think so all along. Of course she knew that she knew about herself and Sarah, but she did not expect Ajeng to tell her himself. He felt bad to make the woman think so since the beginning of the marriage he never showed a good welcome to Ajeng.

And even now the woman thought that Dimas again did not like her because the actual words were trivial. Dimas never thought about the possibility if Ajeng always thought something bad would happen when he was this indifferent.

Seriate...