ANTERIOR

ANANTARA - 33 Fear

After performing the Isha prayer with Mas Adam, I just went back to the room and laid my body down.

Don't ask where Mas Adam is, of course he is in another room with Erika's mother. They ended up staying at my house, because the strong Mas Adam wanted to keep me company.

But, in fact Erika will not let it happen, he continues to stick to Mas Adam. Make him sleep now, stay in the lower room.

I don't think the clock showed ten o'clock. These eyes as if they were still fresh did not intend to be closed, for some reason it was very difficult to close these eyes.

Drowsiness seemed to disappear somewhere, until I finally heard the door of my room as if it was opened from the outside.

I turned my head, seeing who was intending to enter my room.

"Mas" I said, seeing Mas Adam coming on tiptoes with the index finger he had on his lips.

"Ssttt..," he hissed, telling me not to be noisy.

I frowned, strange.

Adam got on the bed, laid his body beside me. He also stretched out his hand, coding for me to come closer to him.

"Come" said Mas Adam. "Hurry here." he repeated, when he saw me who was still silent on the spot.

Without asking much, I shifted my body closer towards him, leaning this head on his arm.

"What's up, Mom?" I said, asking feels weird about his attitude.

Looked Mas Adam who now throws his lips pout.

" 'What's wrong?', why ask like that? I just want to sleep with my wife" she said with a face she was bending over.

I repeated a faint smile on my lips, "Absolute Sister won't be looking for Mas?" my many.

"He's asleep, eating him I'm walking here sneaking. Just to meet my sweet wife." she replied.

Adam took me straight into his arms. A tight hug, which now carried my face right at his face.

"I'm sorry, I've hurt you so much lately" Mas Adam looked at me with the look of my eyes.

"I miss a lot when we used to spend time together, when Ali was staying at Mom and Dad's house."

Adam brought one of his hands to wipe my hair without letting go of his embrace.

"Please apologize, if you can't be fair to you and Erika" he explained.

"You want to forgive your husband who still lacks this much?" say to Adam without letting his eyes off me.

Unfeeling, tears escaped from these eyes. Maybe because it's been a long time not being able to talk this close to Mas Adam.

It felt like this heart was warming, hearing all the words spoken from the lips of Mas Adam.

"Why cry, don't cry anymore" said Mas Adam. "Mas's work must have hurt your heart a lot, yeah," he continued.

I can't answer all those questions, now all that can come out of my mouth is sobs.

"Have, no more, no more crying" Mas Adam's hand wiped my tears. "Please promise, I will try to be fair" he said.

Then Adam kissed me a few times. Makes this heart warm.

"Not me" I said in this cry.

Adam loosened his arms, looked back at me with a questioning look.

"It wasn't me who made Erika fall" I said again, still as unwilling.

Adam looked silent.

"Mas can't believe it," I cried to see him unmoved.

Adam shakes his head, "Mas believe, Mas believe."

"Lied!" I said, looking at the face of Mas Adam who seemed not really sincere to say that word.

"Mas believe, Mas will believe everything you say" he said.

After hearing that sentence, it felt like this heart was getting quieter. The old Adam seemed to return to my side, making me finally be able to close my eyes and dissolve into a beautiful dream in his arms.

***

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of the dawn prayer. I still see clearly Mas Adam who fell asleep with his hands hugging me.

A smile puffed up on these lips, I gave thanks several times. Thankful that the memories of last night were not a dream.

Hopefully, my relationship with Mas Adam can improve again, I thought hoping.

As usual, I immediately woke up Mas Adam and performed the Fajr prayer with him.

What a beautiful and beautiful morning.

I also spent my day as usual.

During the day, Mas Adam prepared to leave for the Office with Erika's mother who also returned to her apartment.

I was left behind, but it was different. Adam did not forget to hug and kissed my lips before leaving.

He promised to go home soon after the office business was finished and intended to invite me to pick up Ali later in the afternoon.

Do not forget a sweet smile he withered before finally leaving my yard.

I went back inside the house, trying to find activities to wait for the afternoon to arrive.

I took this body to the kitchen, cleaned up the used items and ingredients this morning made breakfast.

All sorting out what items have been used up, so that all the afternoon will go to the supermarket after picking up Ali, I thought.

I also wash dishes, wipe the table, continue sweeping and mopping. Until it does not feel that initially intend to clean up the mess in the kitchen, continues to the entire room of the house.

I threw my body on the couch, feeling a little tired. As I sat quietly on the living room couch, I felt a sudden warmth running down my nose.

Immediately I brought this hand to wipe the water I thought was just sweat water because of the soy sauce.

However, how surprised I was to see the red stain that was now imprinting on my hand.

"Astaghfirullah," I said, rising up and rushing into the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom, I saw in the mirror fresh blood that kept flowing from my nose.

This heart was beating fast, feeling scared and panicked. I immediately took a tissue to clog my nostrils.

Trying to stop the blood from constantly coming out.

I washed a few times my hands that were stained with blood. Because there was so much blood, I didn't change a tissue enough to wipe my nose.

I panicked even more when this blood did not stop, until a few minutes later, the blood that came out was not too much as before.

I washed my face again. I saw my reflection in the mirror. A pale-looking face, with red remains on the nose.

Makes me feel so pathetic.

"Do I have to tell Mas Adam the truth?" muttered.

Thinking of telling my true condition to Mas Adam.

"Will Adam still love me?" I said, "wouldn't Adam leave me?" tears break.

Afraid, afraid that Adam would leave me if Adam knew I had Leukemia.

Is it natural for me to be this kind of fear. I'm just afraid, afraid that Mas Adam will leave me.

I realized, my body is getting thinner because of this disease, my face is now turning pale, what if Mas Adam no longer likes and chooses to leave me.

Moreover, with the presence of Sister Erika, it must be easy for Adam to let go of me.

Why keep a wife as beautiful and troublesome as I am, I thought.

Therefore, I am only afraid, afraid of being left behind by Adam.