While the Script is Drawn

Mosaic 10 - After You're No

This is the thing I have regretted most in my life. Losing love. You are so sincere in love with me. However, I'm not indifferent to you. You who are so patient take care of me are so messy. But I never cared about you. You are .. ah, not enough words I write all this. Be late. I'll never get that second chance.

If there was a second chance, I wanted to fix everything. I want to repay that love for you with all my soul. Want me to hug you, protect you and take you to the beach every time you want to go to the beach. You like the beach, right? I know it. And I never rub you every time you take me to that place. But now, after everything is impossible, I want to take you to the beach.

***

“Happy birthday, Reyhan, “ said Nadya cheerfully once. In his hand was already a tart cake with twenty-six number candles that signified my age now. This girl really won't give up on making my heart happy. It was like my own mother was patient in taking care of me.

“Thank you Nadya, but you shouldn't have woken me this early. I was tired and wanted to sleep all day. But you knocked on my boarding door really hard. Get me up, open the door for you and you come up with a joke like this. It's not enough at twelve last night you've been bothering me with SMS and unimportant phone,” spray me.

“But it's your birthday, Reyhan. It's a historic day for you. Now blow the candle and make a request to God so that your wishes are granted,” said Nadya remained cheerful.

“That's ridiculous and I won't do that,” I said exasperatedly. “For me same day. I have never celebrated a day like this. Thank you for everything. Now let me go back to continuing my sleep.”

I closed the door. I heard his footsteps left my hostel. I feel a little guilty, but I hope that way he'll stop chasing me. Okay, she's beautiful. Her hair is long, pitch black and her body –I growl admit it-sexy! Very interesting in the eyes. But I can't fall in love with her yet.My love now is only in music. Guitar is my girlfriend. The music studio that in fact is Zen's house is my date place. The Queen, my band name, is my life now.

While Nadya is nothing more than a stalker of my slightly disorganized life (as she says) and a boarding cleaning tool. “ Geez Reyhan, this room or ship Titanic shipwreck!” Usually she screams like this if she gets into my room. She would straight-up my shoes into place, take my clothes, sheath, socks and uhhhh... my underwear (i hate that she took it but I let it), then she would wash it and hang it out. Then my room will be mopped until it's shiny. Sprayed with lavender fragrance (i groan with this kind of fragrant smell). I feel like I have a housekeeper without having to bother paying.

***

How did I meet Nadya? We are both at the same university. Just different majors. I'm in economics, he's in graphic design.

Nadya is an activist of the campus social organization. Once his organization held an event and needed the band to be one of the performers. They invited my band. And Nadya was the one who was pacing around taking care of this - that, including arranging a contract with my band. Since then we have been close.

Our relationship flows as it is. He asked for my number and then almost every night he called me. He also asked for my facebook address and every time I make a status he always commented. Zen said, Riski, Rasta and Vera (his girlfriend Zen), I should be grateful for the presence of Nadya. Yes, I am grateful but I am not either. I don't know.

Nadya was a scholar. His brain is watered. He even passed clum laude, IP 3.8. Gile tuh chick indeed. I followed a few months later. After graduation Nadya made a cake shop. His trade is sweet. Tar cakes, various cookies, nastar, all made by Nadya is delicious and charming. And I got hit. Every day I was covered with bread (until I saw bread).

While Nadya was struggling with flour, I was busy with The Queen and a side job as a private tutor at my friend's music studio.

There was never a word of love from my mouth but Nadya thought our relationship was special. I'm up to him to think of me as a lover or something. I'm just obsessed with music. Besides, my career with The Queen is getting better and better. Although it is not smooth.

***

“Riski where? Long time,” I ask others.

“I called him but his hape is off,” Zen said.

“Against the way times,” added Razta.

We've been waiting for Riski's arrival for half an hour but there's no news. Usually, children are also never late in training. And the rehearsal this time must be complete because this time working on a new song. Long wait not to show up. Even three times Vera brought us drinks. Until an hour waiting for news, but not from Riski but from her brother.

“Riski accident,” says her brother.

We're heading straight for the hospital.

Riski's condition is severe. He should be treated long. And The Queen while vocal vacancy. In fact, in a few days we have to gig at one of the hotels in a big event attended by big people as well. Confused we're looking for a temporary replacement for Riski. Come here but nothing fits. And Razta who somehow could-can-can-can propose Nadya who will replace Riski.

“I heard him sing a few times, Bro. his voice is okay,” said Razta enthusiastically.

“I also often hear Nadya sing. His voice is okay,” added Vera.

“You are how. The image of our band from a long time ago. Nadya's voice does not match our flow,” I said ketus.

“Do we need to try Nadya singing first friends?” Zen provides a solution.

“No trial,” I said. “Our band is not possible on chick vocal?”

“Indeed why the same girl? Look at Box, Chocolate, the female vocalist,” said Vera like she didn't like it, maybe because I was stuck said the girl.

“Because indeed from the beginning the image of this band of guys,” I said.

“Then how about an event that is less than three days away. You can't possibly cancel, right? Until now have not found a single male vocal that you need,” said Vera which is actually right.

“How about we take a vote,” says Razta mediates.

I lost a landslide. One to three. Actually one to two. But since Vera was already like the manager of this band, she got the sound. And damn it, I got the job of persuading Nadya.

“Why should I?” my protest.

“Lo is his girlfriend,” Zen says grin.

“ Anyay... don't dread cheap gosib.”

I lost again.

***

“ Emmm... how yes,” Nadya pretended to be thinking.

“Udah deh, you want what not?” I said drown.

“But there are conditions,” said Nadya nyengir.

“What? just say it.”

“Holiday to the beach.”

“OK okay.”

“I've been wanting to get there for a long time.”

“Not nearly every week lo to the beach.”

“I mean to the beach on the island of Karimun Jawa,” said Nadya. “Say people there beach is very charming.”

“Where are you?”

“In jepara city.”

“Hah? We went all the way from Jakarta to Jepara then to what island was just to see the beach. To anyer only huh?”

“Nmobile.”

Rather than Rasta, Zen and Vera thought I was not good at persuading Nadya I just nodded. He jumped in excitement.

Then Nadya sings. His voice is good. But I still disagree with the female vocal. And like before, I lost my voice and had no other choice. Nadya becomes Riski's replacement. And I have to keep my promise.

***

I can't believe Nadya's choice of island is really good. The people are also very friendly. The swirling of the waves was like the most beautiful tone I've ever heard. Coconut trees grow like the castle pillars of beautiful Roman buildings. The sand is as white as the skin of a Chinese girl. The water is as blue as the sky in a clear time. And when the sun goes down, I can be an impromptu poet because if I paint it in poetry, it will surely be as beautiful as the love poems of the poets of love. Suddenly I became a poetic man like this. I mocked myself.

We rented a different room in one of the simple hotels here. I can't have a room with him, I know the limits. And for three days we enjoyed the beauty of this island. Until finally we have to go back to Jakarta tomorrow morning.

***

Under the bright moonlight, on the sand that felt comfortable when this foot touched, Nadya and I walked together. It's our last night here.

“Reyhan.” Suddenly Nadya stopped. “Do you love me?”

I'm going to stop. Suddenly I can't answer, “Ya” or answer, “No.”

“Why indeed?” my many.

“You know I love you so much,” said Nadya wriggling into my arms. I can't do anything and let it go. “Never once have I heard the word love from you, Rey. Actually I don't have to question this.”

I'm silent.

“But tonight I really want that word to come out of your mouth Rey, it's very important. I can't resist much longer.”

“Reject what?”

“Prospective husband papaku choice,” said Nadya. “I have been betrothed for a long time. But I still hold on to love you. If in the near future I don't introduce my own candidate of choice. Papa will marry me.”

I was quiet, he was silent. It feels like a long time to walk. I don't know how to. I'm not ready for anything that smells like a mop. And I regret it. I've regretted it all my life, I've done that. I'm shaking.

***

I'm the dumbest, most idiot and most crazy man in the whole world. Women as good as Nadya, as beautiful as Nadya, as smart as Nadya I wasted. Actually what I'm looking for. I was almost ripe for marriage, an angel came up to me and I wasted it. What kind of woman should I look for? For God's sake I regret it.

I never saw Nadya again after coming from the island. He just disappeared. The last news I heard was that she was going to marry a businessman from Germany and move to her future husband's country. I tried to reach him but couldn't. He seems really disappointed in me. There might not be a second chance for me.

After he was gone in my life I felt like I had no passion for my days. If time could be turned I would say that he is the most important person in my life. The most meaningful person in my life.