WANT TO DIE WITH ME?

Chapter 7 - Reasons to stay alive

"Hey, why are you crying?"

I came back, on the old bridge where I met the mysterious girl who asked me to die together. He stood beside me with every breath of his that let out steam, he was now by my side. He wears a red scarf that is attached to his neck. As for me, I wear a thick jacket that is usually used in winter, it may sound silly, but tonight is colder than usual.

I knew that I was dreaming right now, I knew that none of this was real including this girl standing next to me. But somehow I cried, I was happy to see him back, because ..he is the only person I have. Someone I could inexplicably talk to normally, someone whose eyes resembled mine, staring blankly and dimly, with no light of life at all.

I shivered, above the sky is just black and gray. Which means that tonight is not starry because the weather is cloudy, some iron that connects the bridge is also frozen because of the cold temperature now, I am grateful because in a dream I wear a thick jacket this winter.

"You're wrong to see, this is just dew." I answered while wiping the tears in my eyes.

I'm lying, actually somehow I'm happy to see you back, I'm glad that you're here with me, but unfortunately the weather is not in favor today. Although I know that this is just a dream and I have to wake up one day, but I want to stay with you longer, I want to understand more, and I want to save you.

Forget about saving, I who cannot save myself have no right to have the desire to save others. Actually, I'm just saying it just to make myself better. Convince this useless me, that one day you can be useful to the lives of others.

"Hey, do you still remember the promise we both made before?" ask the girl to me.

"About us dying together? I'm sorry, but I still don't want to." My answer.

"I know, you're still too dependent on hope, something that's uncertain. I wonder how long you can hold on to it." The answer.

"No, actually I just-"

"Searching for truth? Isn't that just your excuse? You're always running from reality."

"...."

The previous president will step down from office, then replaced by another human being who will be made the new President. Parents want children to sustain their lives when they are old, and children inevitably have to do that obligation without knowing the truth at all. They are not given the opportunity to ask whether you want to be born or not, fate will continue to force them to live even though the wounds continue to hit their souls and bodies.

Yes, man is but a substitute for the old man, a tool of the wheel of life. So, what am I still alive for?

"So, what's the reason you've been alive up until now?" the girl asked once more, with her dim blue eyes.

"I. .. don't know, I don't know the answer."

Right, I don't know why I've been alive all this time. I myself do not understand what has kept me going all this time, I myself do not want this feeling of emptiness and guilt to continue haunting all my life, I want to be calm, in a quiet and peaceful place, he said, without the slightest sound, I wanted to fall asleep.

As I was deep in thought, the girl smiled at me. Then stared fixedly as if penetrating into my soul.

"I'll keep waiting for our appointment, so find your reason until that day comes."

My vision grew blurred and blurred, my head felt dizzy and I began to feel a fairly heavy drowsiness. Shit, is it time for me to wake up? But I want to continue in a place like this, I want to run away from the cruel reality that has been chasing me tirelessly. I'm tired, so let me rest in peace, God, please.

"Your name .. I want to know your name."

It was the last sentence I wanted the answer to, the girl muttered, but I could not hear her voice at all. Shit, it seems like now is the time, it's time for me to wake up and face a cruel reality.

"Goodbye, Akira."