WANT TO DIE WITH ME?

Chapter 14 - Live!!

"Hey Akira, want to die with me?"

A gust of wind passed, hitting both of us to make a mess of hair. That gaze filled with light, now completely gone, was replaced with a light bulb that was almost out of its power source.

His gaze was dim, just like mine. Haruka has lost hope, just like me. Haruka was already immersed in the darkness of the world, just like me. Haruka has been swallowed by despair, just like me.

However, Haruka can't end up the same as me. That's what I believe, he has made me troubled so far, he's also the one who has often invited me to chat with boring topics all this time, he has also overwhelmed me with all the novels he has recommended so far, Haruka.

Throughout my dark life, filled with despair and acted upon by the world, Haruka has shown me the light, Haruka has given me what is called a 'Hope'. Besides, now I know about the truth of my life. I knew so well, after all this time, I finally understood about all the truths of my life that had been hiding.

I took one step forward, with my legs still trembling from exhaustion. Even until now I still can't manage my breath properly.

"Haruka..."

"Don't come any closer!" Haruka pointed out her writing book while taking one step back.

I stopped my steps, if Haruka took a few more steps back. He was about to fall off the roof of the school, now was to think of a way to coax him closer. I took out a small notebook from my pocket, actually it was used as a shopping list on Sunday, but I didn't think that I would take it to school.

Well, put all that aside. I wrote something down in the notebook, and showed it to Haruka.

"I don't want to ...,"

Haruka wrote back. "Why?"

I repay. "Because I've found out the truth about my life, for now I don't want to die first."

We both exchanged papers with each other, word for word, sentence by sentence, and there was only the sound of the friction of the ballpoint pen between us. I hope, with this method no one will know that there is a person on the roof.

With tears flowing, Haruka stopped writing. Her tears fell on her writing book, and made her wet.

"Why?" Haruka suddenly muttered, and that was quite surprising to me. I had thought that my ears were misheard, but in this place ... There was no one else but the two of us.

"Why Akira ... Why do you care so much about people like me." Her voice was hoarse, but I heard it clearly, moreover I am now fully convinced, that Haruka can actually speak.

"...."

But his voice sounded terrible. Even others would jump in shock or fear after hearing Haruka's voice. And perhaps, that was the main reason Haruka did not want to use her voice despite being able to speak.

Even though I already knew the reason, to be honest I still felt a little fear when I heard his voice earlier.

"Everyone hates me, because of my voice, because of my face, because of my body. Everything was. There is nothing good about me in the eyes of others, because that is ... I started to get scared when there was someone who cared about me, I was afraid of hurting them, I was afraid of being hated by that person, I better not know them at all, I was afraid, I was so scared ...  Nee Akira, let's say that you approached me just out of pity, please say. If it's true, then it'll be a lot better."

Her voice sounded very clear, this is the first time, I heard Haruka's voice. The voice was filled with pain, despair, and suffering. Do you always bear all this alone, is it too much for you, are you tired, are you fed up with all this?

Besides, like I said before, this novel saved me once. Pulling me out of the darkness with the light of hope, I opened the novel, which was exactly the thirty-fourth page, it was my favorite scene.

"Do you understand what destiny is, destiny is a plot in the story of our lives. Toying with us, like the endless wheels of life, some are born with bad luck and some are born with good luck. Those who have bad luck will always fight against fate, not infrequently their souls are injured or torn apart, but they will rise again ... Because they want a better destiny. Some are born weak and give up easily, but they will always pray for our lives to be better. No matter what others say, but we as humans can only struggle and hope that someday something will change."

I closed the novel and looked straight at Haruka, I will say, I am not the type of person who is good at persuading others. I also rarely communicate and that is why I do not know what others think.

"Haruka..." It's the first time I'm going to lecture anyone else in my miserable life. "Maybe you don't know it, but I've been saved many times by you, you gave me a bright light, and stretched out your hand to this pitiful person like me."

The wind was getting stronger, Haruka listened to my words seriously, her tears were still flowing like before, she clenched her hands tightly in front of her chest.

"You gave me this weak power, you gave me this lonely affection, you gave me this desperate meaning of life. Therefore ...," I paused for a moment, took a deep breath then shouted.

"HARUKA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD HATES YOU, I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKES YOU, FOR THAT LIVE!! LIVE LONGER UNTIL WE BOTH DIE TOGETHER!! LIVE SO THAT I DO NOT FEEL LONELY!! LIVE FOR THIS LOUSY ME!!"

I screamed as loud as I could until everyone in this school could hear it. Well, it's not a big deal because I've already expressed all my feelings to her, I'm relieved .. I feel very relieved as well as happy, unwittingly I've liked Haruka, I've liked Haruka, I just didn't realize this feeling of mine by trying not to get directly involved with her.

But the fact is, I like it a lot. After all, Haruka was enough to be the truth in my life. Yes, as long as there is him, I will not care even if the world is destroyed though.

Haruka blinked her eyes a few times, with a reddened face. She cried, while trying to wipe her tears using her sleeves.

"B ... How can ... How can you be that selfish." Haruka.

"Well..." I scratched my head that was not itchy while throwing my face away, I was also embarrassed for saying it too loudly. "Sorry ...,"

That's the only word that can come out of my mouth, I don't know what to answer at a time like this. Haruka wrote something in her book, then showed it to me with a face that was still flushed.

"It's too embarrassing ... But ... I'll accept your selfishness."

My heart was pounding, this was the first time I felt this kind of feeling. Whether it's excitement, or a heart attack, I can't tell the difference, but I'm definitely happy right now.

Haruka smiled gently at me, I just scratched my cheek because this is too embarrassing. But with this I managed to comfort Haruka, and I have also managed to express my feelings to her.

I put my novel back in my pocket as well as the note of my shopping list that was accidentally carried away, but at the same time, I heard a voice like a tripped person.

Looking ahead, I found Haruka about to fall, my eyes widened, I wanted to scream but my voice didn't want to come out. Throwing away everything I thought, I ran as hard as I could, time was like walking very slowly around me, but I hoped that I would still have time to save him.

In the end, neither of us will be happy in this world as long as there is still a curse from the supreme God. But at the very least, I will plead with the God one last time, I will leave everything to him, my age, my price, my sin, my life, or even my soul. So please ... at least in exchange, save the person who is most precious to me.

"Haruka!!!"