WANT TO DIE WITH ME?

Prologues

Be ill....

It hurt a lot when I looked at myself in the mirror. Helpless, weak, overly dependent on others, always fails in doing something even if it is a trivial job.

Sometimes I wonder what it means to live in this world. Living in voidness and emptiness, with this numb heart, looking full of illusion I live like a walking corpse.

Only the outer shell alone, looks fragile and can be destroyed at any time. However, the shell that wants to be destroyed, still looking for the truth about the rest of his life.

How can he be useful, how to make his life more colorful, not gray. Continuing to search, hit by rain and storms, consumed by the rest of the age, living in solitude like drowning in the deep sea.

I closed the novel entitled "Hoshi ga kagayakuyoru" which means 'A night full of stars' long since I shed no tears. Maybe this is the first time I shed a tear after reading a novel.

This novel, the main characters are a little similar. Seeking the truth of life, blinded by illusions, seeing the world from a dark abyss, without anyone pulling your hand out.

"I want to die....,"

I used to think like that, even I said that sentence a few times, but of course I don't really dare to just end my life. I thought, if if I die, God will tell me about the truth in my life, or just hell will be the end.

To be honest, I was afraid to think about it, but I was also curious. Silently I came out of my dark room, walked around in the night filled with stars, I tried to count them, of course I knew that it was in vain.

It's just that I want to count them, because counting them makes my heart happy. I'm quite fond of the stars you know, they shed light in the dark of space, shine brightly all night, until the dawn rises.

The star is like hope, the number is immeasurable and you will continue to depend on the light, but you cannot know whether or not one of those expectations is to your liking.

But ... That light will always shine on you when you fall in the dark. The light will save you many times, and you will rise from the light.

Stretch out your hand, and pull you out of the darkness. Well, don't listen, after all this is just bullshit from a pathetic figure like me.

Unconsciously, I arrived in front of the bridge. Below is a river with a fairly swift flow of water, thinking whether or not to jump, if I jump here maybe I can end this life in an instant, without knowing the truth at all, he said, become an empty shell that has been completely destroyed.

"Hey, do you want to jump?"

I heard someone's voice, and looked. She was a girl of the same age, with short black hair and dim blue irises, her eyes were completely devoid of light.

Ah, he's just like me.

I thought so, he seemed to be looking for meaning in his life as well. Maybe I am too confident or it is true, but his gaze, is the gaze of a desperate person in living life.

"Nee, do you want to jump?" the girl kept asking.

I answered the question from the girl without looking at her, I don't know how she expressed it to me, and I don't really care about whether or not she will hate me.

"Then, what are you here for?" ask the girl again.

"Finding the truth ... perhaps?"

"Hehe, weirdo."

"I don't want to listen to that from people asking if you want to jump or not" I replied.

We both seemed to have been close for a long time, for some reason, this was the first time I was smooth when talking to someone else. It was as if, our hearts were both connected to each other.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" the girl looked up, looking at the thousands of stars in the sky.

"Yes." Yeah."

"I wonder, if this world ends, will they still shine like that? Light the darkness with their light."

"That's impossible."

"Looks like....,"

We both fell silent, looking at the sky carefully. With every breath that let out steam, I occasionally glanced at him.

"Hey, next time you're ready. Want to die with me?" the girl spoke. Making both my eyes widen instantly.

For the first time, I looked into his eyes directly. His blue eyes met my dim black eyes, under the shining star, we exchanged our hearts.

Ah, so so it is. This girl was indeed very similar to me, alone in the darkness and gazing at the world from under the deep abyss. Without a figure extending out a hand, it was swallowed up by the darkness of the world itself, without anyone noticing it.

However, if he really wanted it then .. at least I hope that he would be the one to give me the truth.

"Yes, okay."

"Then, it's a promise of both of us, okay? Hehe."