TWILIGHT

5

The wheel of life keeps turning. Traces of life keep coming. Footsteps continue to pass along the path of destiny that God has determined. Dreams increase with time that continues to pass. A dark story. It became a black dot that tarnished my dreams. An old memory of the sadness of the past. I don't want to remember. I want to erase those memories. Burying it with hatred. If only fate could I decide. I want this story to never happen in my life. If I could do that, I would change my entire destiny. With a memory that has a happy impression throughout my life.

God's destiny, something that is impossible for one to avoid. No matter how much you try to avoid, then until anytime you can never avoid it. Something free, regretting God's destiny. Accepting it is the most appropriate decision.

However, the destiny line that God has painted in my life. Makes me feel momentarily lost in direction. There was only regret and disappointment that enveloped my steps. Lost in a creepy black valley. A point where I completely lost consciousness. It made me lose faith in anyone, even myself. The dreams I had arranged were all burned with anger. All the wishful thinking I wanted to reach had disappeared. My series of life stories has now become a fragment of destruction. The whole sacrifice was in vain. The light has disappeared. And now it has turned into darkness in sorrow. An episode of my next life. About a painful dark story. A story that once happened and now repeats itself.

The story of his second loss.

Losing is one of the darkest stories of my life. Losing my father was my first sad story. I lost a hero in my life. Those dark days have returned. Mom, how precious you are. Now you've gone far from my life. Your sacrifice is over. Mother, rest in peace in heaven.

***

The story begins.

Like the usual days I set foot for school. Tracing such a crowded highway. With the high school uniform I have the passion and determination to continue to advance to achieve my dreams. The bell has rung. I rushed to the classroom. My steps are moving along with my dreams. Feels so different. There was a gaffe in my heart that kept bothering me. Today I have a different feeling than the days before. It feels so strange, yet so familiar. Like I've ever felt it.

I finally got to the front door of the class. Looking towards the front, it was fortunate that the subject teacher had not yet entered the classroom. Then I turned my eyes. Looking to a point. The kind of heart I always wanted. Sit down holding a novel. Shortly after that I hurried to take a position in my seat preparing to start the lesson.

Sure enough, a moment after that a teacher entered the classroom. Mr. Eko, his name is, teaching physics. Say hello and greet all the students in the class. The lesson begins. Sometimes my eyes look at my heart. Watch what he is doing. Like this self wants to know every movement of her.

A moment later, something big happened in my life. There was a big shake inside me. My whole body is shaking. The tongue can no longer speak. It's really over. Someone came to my class. His face is no stranger to me. My feelings are starting to get worse. My mind's hovering. What has happened.

"Assalamualaikum, sir sorry to bother me looking for a child named Ardan" he told mr. Eko.

"Waalaikumussalam, oh yes sir it's okay, Ardan please come out" said mr. Eko.

My name, yes it's my name. What's the matter exactly. I don't get it. The whole view was on me. What kind of atmosphere is this. I really don't understand. I raised my hand as a sign that was my name.

"Yes, I'm sir." said I.

I rushed towards the man's lungs.

"I'm sorry sir."

"Yes." Yeah."

I walked out and this was the beginning of the story.

"Sorry, what's wrong, sir?" ask me.

"So, son, you're patient, your mother is no more. So, you go home first."

My breath stopped, my heart seemed to want to stop beating, my mind began to drift, my legs relaxed. I am now helpless. My eyes were closed with tears, unbearable.

"Yes, thank you sir I cleaned up first."

"Yes, hurry up your sister has been waiting at my house first yes want to take care of her funeral."

"Thank you again, sir."

The father then left. Now I feel like I can no longer step. This self no longer knows the direction and purpose of life. I've lost a dream. I no longer know how to continue this series of dreams. How do I continue to paint stories in story sheets. Lord, so great is the test you have given me. Until I can no longer live my life.

I have arrived, now in front of me lies the body of someone I love the most. I can no longer move forward. Just another one, and I'll really see it. Oh, my God, this is called destiny. So pitiful. A harsh reality that I must accept. It's painful. I wish a miracle would come and bring him back. But I realized it was destiny.

Now, it's all over. But life will continue. There is no more hope. No more dreams. And no more wishful thinking.

***

Days have changed, times have turned around, life has continued. However, I was still in the same place lamenting my life. It was just me and a little sister beside me. We both live in this house. A simple house that belongs to my family. But now who will finance our lives. I was thinking, at this time I am still in 1st grade of High School my sister is still in 6th grade SD. I haven't been able to work. Finally I asked Mr. RT for help to find a solution. He proposed that we stay in an orphanage not far from my house. It was hard to leave memories in this house. But I have to. My sister agreed and finally fate returned to carry out the action. Changed the whole story of my life. A new story will begin. But I am not ready to start. Every moment of every moment there is only emptiness in my life.

The black dot that now enveloped me had completely destroyed me. The light that was shining down on me has now completely disappeared. A point where I really feel what loss really means. And until this moment I will never forget it. The flow of dreams in life has now brought me to a point that makes me realize and find a direction again. Re-conceived one by one the dreams that have been destroyed. Start it again, and continue to string together dreams. Return to find the wishful thinking and start stepping down the path of life. At this point I came back. Finding the identity and purpose of life that I will go through.

It didn't feel like I was gone a week. But my sadness is not over. Wailing and regretting it. But I realized one thing, that destiny will never change. There is always a reason behind it. Although sometimes that reason is not acceptable to us. God's plan is the best. Now I know there will be people around me who love me too. Everything has changed so fast. But the love of everyone will never change. Dad, Mom, I believe you're gone but will continue to love me. I believe God has put you in the best place by His side.

God is the best director of the entire universe. The story that he put together was the most amazing story. However, sometimes the story contains painful elements. But there will be great wisdom behind it. Mother, I'll get back up. Back to go forward, re-arrange the story, back to describe the wish and will reach my dreams. I promise you, I'll be proud to see you here. Thank God the life scenarios you have arranged have awakened me and given me hope.

This episode is over. The story of loss is over. There will be my next story. About how I got through the road of life. Fate will continue to carry me until I truly find a bright spot in my life. And until that time comes, I will continue to dream together with the story that God has described. The next episode will begin soon.

***

Bereft

It's a story

When I really get to know

The meaning of sadness, disappointment, and,

And destruction

Now it's over

You have made me

Drowning in dark stories

Until in the end

I was at one point

A bright light

What irony

Life with a story of loss

Because of direction and purpose

No longer visible by sight