TWILIGHT
15
There are all kinds of flavors that we will encounter on the journey of life. That sense seemed to be the colourful that continued to adorn that journey. Then dreams and wishful thinking began to emerge and become trinkets that filled the void. And after that there will be many events that become challenges and obstacles that must be passed. Now I am there. However, as far as I have gone, will I be able to reach the end of this track, or even the end I will never meet.
Worth it?
So far as I have stepped in, there are various flavors I have encountered in this life. Including the feeling of love. Love is present in my life as a sign that I am now almost at the end of the journey. Love was present and started to make a big change in me. Love is present and forces me to do various ways to get it. Yeah, get someone who has made me feel what love is. But I forget that everything we want in life will not always be realized. Because the line of destiny that separates a person's dream and life has its own predetermined path. No one can cross that line. Then how does one continue to live life, there is only one way. Obliviousness...
I have felt love for a while. And I've found the man who made me feel it. Then I said it. Damage has indeed ruled my life. That guy hasn't told me anything. What am I gonna do?
Chase over!
***
Class hallway...
"Dear of it!" my yelling.
"..." without answer.
Library hallway...
"Dear of it! wait!" my yelling.
"..." without answer.
Open hall...
"Dear of it!" my yelling.
"..." it's still the same, with no answer.
kinggg....
The break time is over. My time was wasted just chasing after him and shouting his name. But there was no response from him. As if I didn't hear me and thought I was nearby. But I still haven't given up.
"Dear of it! pliss!" my yelling.
"..." is still the same.
It's the same without sound. But this time I managed to stop his steps.
"Dear of it!" my brother from a distance.
"Yes?" sauteed.
Faintly her soft voice entered my ear cavity. Very small, yet still heard by me.
"Aisha, about how I feel about you..."
Suddenly he interrupted my words.
"Sorry! you know the answer..."
"I just want to know your heart..."
"I...."
"Please answer, because I doubt it..."
"Ardan! love is not just liking someone..."
"Want to?"
"Do you deserve that person..."
"I'm sorry, but I still don't understand..."
"..." without answer.
He left without giving any answer. There was not a word I could take from him. Even the doubt in my heart grew bigger and made me more determined to ask him again. Because I still don't understand the meaning of the sentence,
"Do you deserve that person..."
***
I still can't find an exact answer to the question that came to my mind this time. And to this day I still look for him. This doubt should be removed immediately. I wanted to know what the words he said that day meant. However, before meeting him I want to look for a little hint from someone. He may understand that phrase.
"Matt!" My speech
"Naon?" sauteed.
"Hm, you think you understand this sentence, "Would you be for that person".." I asked.
"Why tea?"
"Unclear?"
"Hehe, his prey, "people" in that sentence whose tea?"
"Well, it's back, yes, if I know tea, try to use it with you!"
"Hehe, yes yes..."
"Keep, understand me?"
"Just a moment, who's talking about tea?"
"Si Ayesha..."
"Oh, uh wait, cieee abis dor! dor's! love yes.."
"Hehe, be honest..."
"Bodo is very, do not understand! The bay! I want to learn to repeat!"
"Eh wait! wait!"
"Other fire!"
"According to me, tea means that Ica said it's the same thing you also asked for inttopeksi themselves..."
"Huh? introspections?"
"Yyaaaa I-N-T-R-O-P-E-K-S-I."
"Hmm, I'm not sure what you're talking about!"
"That part of tea is not to be thought of, the important thing is that you should ask the tea with Ica, the pants are not for him!"
"Okay, thanks Mat."
"Sip, mangy"
After asking and hearing the reply from Mamat, I slightly understood that sentence. However, I still don't know why He warmed it to me. Therefore, in order to expel my curiosity and to know the details of the meaning of the sentence, I went back to look for the person and wanted to see him directly.
After school, the ceremonial field...
"Dear of it! wait!" my yelling.
Along the way I kept shouting his name, but his attitude remained the same, no response or calamity whatsoever. Even I don't think he wants to see me for a second. Suddenly though....
"Why are you still chasing?"
I stopped, surprised to hear his voice. This opportunity should not be wasted. Then I just went straight to the core of the sentence I wanted to say to him.
"Dear of it! Do I deserve you?"
"..." without answer.
The silence...
"Can I be with you?"
"..." without answer.
The silence...
"Want to?"
Unknowingly, my tears just dripped. I don't know what makes my mind so painful. Like I would feel something I had felt in my past.
"Ask that to you and God created you..."
"Dear of it! I asked you!"
"God!" snapped it.
The silence...
"I'm not someone who can manage life! So please go and forget it..."
I was silent without a word said. Tears poured down my cheeks. That is the cruelty of life. Until even a moment of happiness can disappear in one blink of an eye. The destiny of my life, I want to cross that boundary.
I've never seen him speak in such a tone to someone. That was how angry he was with me. Is this the end of everything. Hate is even between me and him. Whether my struggle is over, whether love is just an endless delusion that will continue to haunt me, whether all this is just an illusion, whether all I have been through is just a dream, he said, whether this story is over, I really don't know. I don't know where I am, I'm walking, where I'm setting my foot, where I'm making a trail. The path I am going through now, will it be a path to the sea of happiness or to the valley of regret.
"Do I deserve God?"
***
Time
Timing...
So fast you're passing
Until I am unable
Tuk wade through the vast ocean
Enjoy the beauty of the world
Can you wait for me, please,
o time
If able
Do it! do it!
Just for myself
Although I know
That the time
It will never wait
