TWILIGHT

10

Time passes so fast. The journey of everyone's life continues. Every moment there will be events and wonders that color the journey. The series of events will come in turn along with the flow of life in this world. Every journey of life passed by someone, there will be people we meet to accompany us to a certain point on the road. Until finally when we have reached that point then only ourselves can determine the direction of the next trip. And everything that we have encountered while traveling is slowly disappearing and never coming back. The essence of this journey is about how we can get through various events and obstacles in this life. Until the peak point begins to look and happiness begins to radiate up there.

I don't feel like I'm at this point. There have been many events that I have been through in this life. Sadness, loss, disappointment, happiness, everything I have felt. Even now I have found love in the depths of my little heart. Feel how to make the struggle and sacrifice to get all the dreams I dream. And now I believe that everything I have been through and I have been doing all this time is not in vain.

The high school bench I was sitting in right now was the most memorable place in my life whenever I remembered it. Finding people who can turn me from dark to so radiant and capable of illuminating many lives. Enjoyed so many events. And now comes the time to run back down the path of life to find a identity. Finding it behind dreams. And that journey is about to begin.

***

Finding ourselves in life is about how we make a mindset about ourselves. About how we find a thought of ourselves in the future. The matter of establishing myself that I have done is one method to find the true identity in my life. And I'll find her soon enough.

Change and identity are two things that are interconnected in life. Like two interconnected chains. The two form a bond. The changes I have made now I just need to find myself to make that bond. Change has brought a lot of new things. Different lives with different people. Slow change led me to discover my true self.

Today is the day my parents left. Five years father's departure and two years mother's departure. Time passes so fast. In different years but in the same month and date. It was as if they were destined to be together even to their death. What about me now ? will my story be so beautiful ? will I be able to feel that happiness someday ? I really don't know. Will a change I make be able to make me find the identity to realize those dreams. Or even everything will disappear like in the past, I really don't know.

On that day I pray and hope that all that I dream of will be realized and can make those who have died will be happy and smile even though they are in a different realm than I am today.

"Dad, Mother, bless my steps, though I don't know when I get to it, will I be able to make all those dreams come true or even end up with the disappointment that they were before."

***

17 Years old. The times when a person begins to learn to organize life and begin to look for his true identity. And I'm determined, I'll find that identity right now.

January 1, 2020

My first morning of the year. After finding my identity, there will be many events that I go through. Finding things that work in this life. Finding new people. And began to learn to be a person who is wise and more mature in addressing a life problem. I remember an event that happened in my life right after the anniversary of my parents' departure.

That afternoon on a path on the river bank. I walked that road alone. I want to be alone. Repeating all the memories of a story filled with wonderful memories. When Me, My sister, Dad, and Mom were still together. Those happy times I missed him. I feel like I have a happy little family. Even then there was no gap to feel sadness. Only smiles and happiness enveloped him. But sometimes fate hurts. First, I lost Dad. The deep pain I really feel. Next, I lost Mom. As if the wounds that have not been treated are now getting bigger and even untreatable. The slump really made me lose my way. Then I found someone who was able to cultivate love in my heart. The first love of my life. And that energy of love was able to lead me back toward my goal. Then after that I met the figure of my best friend Mamat. Who until this moment is still loyal to accompany me, lead me, and continue to give encouragement to me. And right now I still don't stop to think it's going to disappear, leave me, just like I felt in the past. If it is true that all that will happen, why in this world there is such a thing as happiness if in the end it will all disappear and then there is only sadness and loneliness. This journey, indeed, is only ourselves who will only really go through it to the end point.

***

It's complicated to want to know and understand the reason for the story in this life scenario. This time, I understood one thing. That whatever path we will go through in this life believe all the tests and obstacles that exist will always have a solution and a way out to go through it. And about all that there must have been someone who arranged everything.

Everything that I have been through in this life I have read. This story is not over. There will still be many episodes that I will go through in this life. And the story of the past that I've been through, it's all over. However, the memories behind it will always be there and will be stored in the memory of my life. Life, I'm really tired of running. But I can't just be quiet. Because this story will continue.

That day I realized. Finding oneself in life is about sacrifice and the struggle for change. I realized that everything we have in life is not entirely out of our own will. However, all of those were predetermined fate lines. Happiness is not what we create. But happiness is there because we are always close to the creator and trying to get it.

The true identity will always be there when we realize that all the dreams we hope will be realized if we can pray and ask the Almighty. And also by making sacrifices, efforts, and struggles to achieve it. Now everything that I'm going through, I believe in destiny and I have accepted it. So, I think the true identity is how much petition and effort we have done not for what we want, but to the Creator.

***

Life Rhyme

Grey cloud

Now the heart is silent

Restless anxiety has also penetrated

The darkness began to rule

The souls are no longer at peace

Drowning in a gloomy valley

Until when ?

When is this, O life ?

A dark storm that took a smile

But fate has been determined

Anger and dreams

Just being the knickknacks of life

Will all this end ?

Only the Almighty

Who knows her