The Repentance of the Sinner

60. Letter Piece

...Happy Reading's...

Tonight the cold was so piercing, it even felt up to the bone of a woman who was still awake, even though time had shown almost early in the morning.

Since he faced Abah this afternoon, his mind continues to be shadowed by the figure of Jeremy, the man who once occupied the highest throne in his love kingdom.

Hanny felt something stuck in her heart, she felt very guilty, she felt doubtful and hesitant, if she did not say an honesty from him, let alone tomorrow she would get married, she said, the candidate he doesn't even know.

At that time he left Jeremy without clarity, and at this time Jeremy even sought himself up to Pondok Pesantren.

"Hanny, are you awake?"

Alisya who was awake from thirst, saw Hanny who was staring at the wall of the room with a blank look.

"Boro-boro woke up, I haven't even slept since." Hanny had tried to close her eyes repeatedly, but could not be completely shut.

"Why? is there something you're thinking?" Alisya immediately walked over and sat down on the multi-story bed that Hanny currently occupied.

"Huft." Bump Hanny while poking her head that feels throbbing.

"Han, he's married, try to take it." Alisya tried to remind her again with a reality that they did not know about the truth.

"It's not that I didn't try to, I even tried hard and desperately, but his handsome face seemed to be dancing around in my mind." He was almost a mutation because of it, he actually did not want to accept an arranged marriage from Abah, but he could only resign, because he wanted to find his riddhonya.

"Astagfitulloh hal'azim, call it Han! you must be hard to forget because he's handsome, right?" Alisya immediately pinched Hanny's waist, maybe she still thinks of good looks in this case she thought.

"Because it's the truth?" Hanny answered while covering her face with a pillow.

"Hanny, in this life all of us who are couples will certainly be separated, either because of others or because of death that picks up, so you have to learn to let go and let go." Alisya tugged at the pillow so that Hanny could hear her words.

"That's not all Alisya's problem."

"Then?"

"I'm still confused."

"Why?"

"Why is Jeremy still looking for me, and he's not married?"

And the hug from Jeremy was still as warm as ever, as if the hug and affection were still flowing as usual, nothing changed in his opinion.

"Yes too yes, or maybe because he still wants to know the explanation from you Han, you will leave without a word." Alisya thought about it, but she hesitated.

"But why did he have to be in this cottage, why did he not enjoy the good times of the newlyweds with his wife alone, because whatever the reason is also useless at this time.. She's married, even to her best friend, since I knew that she had a taste for him, because I've met him before?"

Hanny recalls trying to trap Jeremy into her trap at the time, but Dinar comes to foil the plan for the umpteenth time.

"I think Mr. Jeremy is still curious, whatever the reason is at least you should be honest Han, let him and also you yourself feel relieved." Alisya who does not know anything just wants to draw conclusions.

"Then what if my reason would destroy the household?"

"At least he doesn't feel lied to you Han, try to be honest with him, whatever the end result we leave with the one on-Top there."

"But?" Hanny still feels hesitant, while for now she can not speak directly with Jeremy.

"If you are in doubt, ask God for a pointer, what if we pray Tahajud together, it's almost a third of the night?" Alisya immediately took the initiative on that.

"Hmm.. okay." Hanny also agreed, because she had also heard from ustazah lectures there, if one of the best times to pray is in one third of the night.

Finally the two girls prayed Tahajud together, there was a sense of calm and peace when Hanny did Tahajud prayer while the others were asleep.

Until finally after they finished, Hanny prostrated on the prayer mat for a long time, she even prayed while shedding tears, as if pouring all her heart to the Creator of the Universe.

Because the best we complain, the best we tell our problems, it is only to God, because He is the only One who knows about everything that will happen on this earth.

O Lord, if You want to punish me, punish me, but I beg God, do not be angry with me, I know I am wrong, I also know that my actions used to violate Your commandments, but I have repented of God, I will no longer enter into that black valley and now I am truly begging you, if Jeremy is not my soul mate, remove him from the mind of your servant, I didn't want to hurt him because of my past mistakes.

*God please make him happy with his family, and allow me to be happy with what is my destiny.

I do love him, but I will love you more, Lord, so give your guidance, for the good of us all, amen*.

With tears in her eyes, Hanny finally ended her prayer by cupping her palms in her face.

"Hanny, are you done?"

It turned out that Alisya who was finished first had come back to that place with a piece of paper and pen in his hand.

"Hm... What do you want?" Hanny asked as she raised both eyebrows while staring at what her best friend was carrying.

"Write something for Jeremy here, at least give one reason why you decided to go on your wedding day, especially tomorrow you will also receive a soul mate from Abah right, do not make people wonder, do not make people wonder, let go of all, no matter what happens I am sure that this has become His provision."

"Hm."

Hanny's mouth and hands were already shaking violently when she heard Alisya's advice, because Hanny was holding back her sobbing that she was sniffing from earlier.

"Hanny, who's patient, I know it's hard for you!" Alisya rubbed Hanny's shoulder which also shook with her sadness.

"Hiks.. Hix.. Can I be honest with you, please?" The crying finally broke as well.

"Of course Hanny, tell me what's stuck in your heart, at least your heart can be relieved after saying it." Alisya immediately took the initiative to embrace him, although it could not help much at least he could be Hanny's heart for a while.

"I'm actually still in love with Jeremy Sya, I still love him very much with all my heart and I'm still not willing to take it off, only he's a man who can make me calm, he said, peaceful and happy in my dark life, I only get affection and attention from him, he who knows what I like, he who can always make me laugh, all this time I didn't even want to imagine how my life would be without her."

The sweet words were thrown away, if Jeremy could hear it maybe his heart had joined the trend when he heard it.

"Fuh.. I know it's Han, because your face can't lie, but we as humans are just 'sakdremo nglampahi' because our lives have been arranged."

"I know, I may not be worthy to say this, I just want to get the chunks out of my heart." Said Hanny who felt self-conscious.

"No problem, just clean it all up, but after you get married later, try to accept a partner from Abah, just because of God, God willing you can also be happy, you can also be happy, and little by little to replace Jeremy with a new figure who may be best for you and your life, you must be sure that God will not give trials to his people beyond his means."

" Yes, thank you for listening to my heart, but please don't tell this to anyone? You're enough to know." Alisya was the only person Hanny believed in right now.

"Sure, now you write something for Jeremy, write something you should say, apologize to him, or whatever it was before you got married."

Alisya was actually shocked by Hanny's marriage decision, but she always thought positively that the marriage could bring good to Hanny.

"Trus want to include this writing?" Ask Hanny who can't think cleverly at the moment.

"Okey."

Finally Hanny received the paper and sat down while leaning her body against the wall of the room, trying to write down the reasons for her disappearance and withdrawing from her life, because she will be married tomorrow to the man Abah chose.

Assalamu'alaikum..

By Allah, for Rasulloh's sake, I want to apologize profusely with you, I know that maybe this will be difficult for you to forgive, if you want to get angry I accept, because I have too much fault in my life.

Honestly, I am not a good woman, I once entered the dark world of being a night butterfly, which every drop of my sweat was filled with moss of sin.

And it's my fault, because I wasn't honest with you about my past from a long time ago, not because I wanted to lie to you, but because I didn't want to lose someone like you.

Sorry too, because I used to love you so much and was too greedy to have you so I covered up all my shame, in order to get you.

But for now, I really Lillahita'ala want to let you go, be happy with the new mas couple, we bury all the good memories of both of us, we, I'm sorry for all the wrongs and mistakes I made during my relationship with you and thank you for all the affection and attention I've never received from my family.

There's not much I want to say, just a pile of a thousand sorry words that I expect from you.

And also tomorrow I will get married, please bless me..

We live our respective destinies after this, we respect our respective spouses, and if indeed we can not match in this world, can I still hope we mate in the Hereafter?

Can't you? hehe. ya already.. I was just kidding, it is certain that will be our partner in the afterlife will be our best couple in this world.

In spite of all that, I just want to congratulate the marriage of Jeremy and Dinar, may your relationship last until death separates.

And please pray for me, too, so that I too can feel what is happy, I hope that there will be no more tears between us.

Thank you also for all the goodness of the mas that I cannot count all this time, i love you...

Uh... Just kidding, hehe...

I just want our separation to end with a smile, not with sadness, because we live in this world only temporarily.

Goodbye mas, I say goodbye, may we both be happy with our respective lives under the auspices of the Almighty, Amen.

Four times four equals sixteen, even if mas had time, please do not reply, kasian later Sholeh had to pacing around, hehe...

^^^Diku:^^^

^^^ Which ever hurt you^^^

Wassalamu'alaikum wr.

After Hanny thought everything was enough, she immediately folded the paper and gave it to Alisya, even with a sigh that was quite heavy, but at least she was a little relieved, because you can be honest with Jeremy even though you can't meet face to face.

"Are you okay Han?" Ask Alisya who deliberately waited from a distance, so that Hanny could freely pour what was in her heart.

"Hm.. I'm okay, although it's actually heavy." Hanny replied with a smile that she forced.

"Slowly, all will pass by itself."

"Hmm. I hope that the couple Abah chose can guide me to the path that He is on, I want to open a new leafam, a new life with a halal one for me." That was all he could hope for at this moment.

"Amin yarobalamin, we leave everything to Him, because only He knows what is best for us, and one you need to remember, there's still me here who'll always be there for you."

"Thank you, besides Jeremy, the person I love the most is you, if Jeremy is not my soul mate, may you be my true friend until the end of life."

"There will be no problem if without Wisdom behind everything that happens in this life, we can accept it freely, God will manage everything."

Alisya immediately wiped the remains of the still wet tears on both of Hanny's cheeks and hugged her back tightly.

There are no perfect people or things in this world. Everyone must have made mistakes and had shortcomings in his life. That is because perfection belongs only to God.