The Rain of the Message-Bearer Longs

It hurts!

"It doesn't fit to be a guy!"

"Where do you want to be a guy if you go to gini? "

"Feminim boy maybe? "

They laugh at me with satisfaction. I saw them let go of my hands as soon as I ran. I entered the building and the door to my room opened. I searched all over the place for my penance until I accidentally found it in my bag. I opened it and swallowed the medicine. My heart is really beating. My trauma has returned. Seeing them laugh in satisfaction at me reminds me of a long time ago.

When I was a kid, I was bullied until my mentality was completely destroyed. Their words made me hurt and feel inferior. Their laughing voices were heard in my ears that I hated. I covered it with both hands. I hit my head trying to realize that it was all an illusion.

"Based on orphans! "

"Haha! What poor widow child might succeed! "

"Cowok, why not smoke? Sissy huh? "

"So guys don't know sports. Not just cooking in the kitchen"

"The most feminine boy"

"Cowok is beautiful. What kind of guys are girls? "

"Basic weak and cowardly! "

I heard those words all swirling around in my head. I'm trying to wake myself up.

"ARKHHHH!!! "My yelling is frustrating.

I held myself back from hurting myself when I saw the knife on my desk. The rain suddenly fell. I looked towards the window. The sky was completely dark and there was a rumbling sound.

"Where there's rain, there I stand"

I stood up and remembered the beautiful woman's words, Dewun. I imagined the Dew standing in the room. I went out and stood on the balcony.

"Grewd? " say me slowly.

The woman in the room looked over. I shook my head seeing for the second time that it was not a Dew, but Azura. He smiled to see me. I also returned it. He said a slow sentence and I saw clearly through his lips. He said "we both fought to heal wounds. May God bless" That's what I caught from his words.

I turned back into the room. My mind calmed down after seeing it. I don't know why his face looks like medicine to me. It rained hard tonight. I sat in a leaning bed painting something. For some reason, when it rains, my mind calms down. A few moments later, my writing was perfect. It's still a poem I wrote called "What if I die"

No one knows when they die. Destiny is known only to God. Like the past that must be settled peacefully for today to be calm. Everyone will come when one of your loved ones dies. It's just that some people don't feel it, not because he died. Because they have no brothers. Would I be like those who died in loneliness without anyone else knowing?

I closed my eyes hoping that tomorrow would improve quickly with a calm heart. Maybe the sedative I was taking started to react.

"Tringgg!!!! "The sound of the alarm ringing woke me up.

I woke up tired, I don't know what. Maybe because my mind is hurt. I stood up to clean up. When I took a new bath I realized bruises were everywhere and luckily my face was unharmed. If others knew it would be troublesome.

I finished and prepared breakfast. The sound of knocking on the door kept me from starting to eat. I stood to open the door.

" Morning bro! "said Victor along with Faza snuck in. I closed the door to look at those who had been sitting sweetly at the dinner table like children waiting for their mothers to prepare food.

" What's up? "took me to them.

" usual. He ate, "answered Victor.

I took out more food and served it on the table. We eat together. I felt a strange feeling at that moment. Like a feeling of happiness. I forgot I ever ate with my family at the dinner table.

" Hello! "said Faza waving his hands in front of my face.

"Why is it daydreaming? " ask Victor.

"Jude we're gas leaving! " reply Victor with spirit.

I nodded my head following the two of them. In front of the building were two bicycles.

"You guys ride a bike? " i was surprised to see the bicycle parked in front of me.

"Yes. Let's save a little, " replied Faza.

"Gue bring a bike! " said Victor came with a bicycle. He gave it to me. I was surprised how he disappeared and came so fast.

"It's not stolen, is it?" many doubt.

"Safe! " reply Victor.

They both drove first. I looked back where the stop I and Azura were waiting for the bus. I wanted to look at her apartment, but my heart said no. I started riding my bike to college.

Suasaba is crowded. Me and my two friends are like a gang of teenagers where it's crazy to see beautiful girls. I felt dizzy watching the two of them comment on each other. I thought Faza was a calm kid, but my mind was wrong. He's too bar-bar. The two of them suddenly looked at me with an unusual look.

"Ehmmm!! " said Victor.

"Why? " manyaku wonder.

"What kind of girl Lo kayak. Biae si Faza cariin. He's a lot of acquaintances with pretty girls pinter and kalem. Guess what kind of girl you are like Azura!" said Victor.

I silently heard Victor's chatter. I wanted to tell her that my girlfriends were like my type, but they didn't make me feel comfortable and at home. Just the Dew that I consider to be the house where I came home.

"No, "my reply was short.

I'm busy today. Besides college, I took art classes. I try to reopen the feeling of comfort and calm when painting. I went home alone in the afternoon. I carry chocolate in my bag.

I really felt valuable when Azura uttered like that blatantly in the instagram comments. Rizki's really pumping me.

"Lift singles, go home and bring a soul mate! " said Rizki.

I closed the phone again and thought about what topic I would talk about with Azura later.

"He's possessive. Would I just be considered a runaway? " my word to myself.

At 06:00 Dutch time Amsterdam city at night. I'm out of the apartment. My clothes are as usual. I sat on a chair by the roadside waiting for Azura to arrive. Time passed until I was bored.

"Where is he? " ask me with annoyance. For an hour I waited for him without any news.

I walked towards the apartment. I remember that she lived on the 3rd floor with a room number that I always remember like my date of birth. I walk down the hall. Silent mood. I arrived in front of his room and intended to knock on the door. I heard something from inside like a broken thing. I close my ears to the door.

"Shut up! Follow my words! " says a man.

"No going! Fucking men! " said Azura.

The sound of slaps was clearly heard in my ears.

"You filthy woman don't have to be a goddamn saint!" reply to the man. I heard footsteps approaching the door. I ran to the corner of the corner peeking at the man coming out of Azura's room. His body was as tall as the man I had seen before.

Azura was about to close the door but I came and prevented her. He was surprised to see me.

"Can I come in? " take a ask to him.

He looked at me for a moment before nodding his head. I was allowed into the room. Without me realizing that I was followed by the man who had previously walked out of Azura's room.

"You'll be sorry! " he said angry and then really left.