The Rain of the Message-Bearer Longs

I Appreciate Your Decision

Dew shaking. He won't get out of my arms. He looked up at me as his occasional eyes hit by rainwater made it difficult to open his eyes.

"I was lonely, " said Dewun slowly but the voice I could hear clearly.

"There's me. Why feel lonely? " take a ask to him.

"I feel lonely when I'm alone, " said Dew once again.

"I was the one who accompanied you when you were lonely, "reply me to him.

"I know that, but it's not you that I want, " said Dewun.

"Want I what do you think? " take a ask to him. My chest felt tight for a moment.

"Friends! I regard you only as a friend, " replied Dew.

I cried under the rain stubs with the Dew I hugged tightly. I could not help but hold tight when I heard his answer. I can't be angry just because he thinks I'm his best friend. Wasn't it from the beginning a position? I am a man who is never satisfied with one thing. I was stupid to want more from him. Who am I to presumptuously manage his feelings because it is not the same as me.

A man who doesn't really understand sports. Do not like the name of violence and most have female friends until stamped as men wave. I don't thank you for wanting more than a Paramastri Dew who is my only close friend. The person who most considers myself valuable and the only person who heals my wounds.6 years he was there for me, beside me accompanied a cowardly male figure like me. He deserves to be happy to get more from me. I am nothing more than a friend.

"If you consider me a friend. May I consider you a lover?" ask him

The dew nodded its head. I smiled when he responded.

"Because liking someone can not be forced even though turning around, it can not be easy to forget, " said Dewun.

I closed my eyes with Dew doing the same. It was the day I expressed my feelings to him and it was the day I was heartbroken for the first time.

Wednesday, 12 May 2019

Since the incident in the city forest, I rarely saw the Dew. We're not as close as we used to be, my friends wonder why? But I just answered okay. I was busy thesis, guidance many times until acc by my guidance lecturer. Today is the day I finally put on a toga that signifies my graduation. I have a bachelor of economics degree. I waited for my name to be called. After a while it was my turn to go on stage. Feelings of sadness, joy and mixed. I graduated with the best title. Toga rope moved. I took a picture on stage with a perfect smile.

Down the stairs, I went back to my place. A sad atmosphere was appearing inside me. All accompanied by parents, while I? No one's coming. I was on the steps of the campus while watching the graduates take pictures with their loved ones. My gaze accidentally caught a beautiful figure who was taking pictures with her lover. The bouquet of flowers he held with a perfect smile he took pictures.

"Grow, "murm me when I see it.

I took a deep breath and then I threw it away. My pain is over and I don't need to look back. I walked to a slightly quiet place. I sat under a shady tree while enjoying the gentle breeze against my body.

I feel the same pain as before. 6 years we were together in a relationship without a clear status and when I saw him together with others, I felt unwilling. Why can't I lie to this feeling. Now I know why man is the most perfect creature of God. Because humans have a sense and conscience that never lies about the mood felt.

"Why is my love story like my family's? Both can not unite, "I said sad.

I was shocked when someone patted me on the shoulder. I turned to see who was the one who patted me and it turned out to be a Dew.

"Congratulations, " said Dew smilingly shaking my hand.

I returned with a friendly smile. I saw the man beside her also introduce himself.

"Remember" he said shaking my hand.

I returned it with a smile. I see they're totally compatible. The camera is in the right hand.

Coincidentally at that time my position was beside Dewun. I unconsciously followed his directions. The snapshot of the great kamara dawned on me, as I moved away.

"I'm sorry, "the word immediately came out of my mouth.

"No papa kok mas, just make the frame photo material, "great reply smiled awkwardly.

I don't know how to reply to him. I felt uncomfortable and said goodbye. Holding back the wrong feelings of longing is a hard thing for me.

"He was your ex? " tanya Agung's.

Dew shaking. "He's my best friend, but that was before, "he replied.

"Ohhh." said the Great.

I was in the car. I wanted to leave the campus area but something stuck in my heart.

"Where are you going home, but where? Home is not like home, "I said annoyed.

If everyone is attended by loved ones then I am the only one who is alone. Dad died, mom got married again I don't go anywhere. The sister? They all had families and never visited me. Maybe if I die, they just came. I started the car and then drove out of the parking lot. I looked at my beloved campus car at the time I made up my mind.

"Continuing the S2 is the best thing, "my word is a determination.

A few days later I filled out the S2 resume form overseas. I closed the laptop and took a deep breath. Since then I have abandoned all my hobbies because I have buried them with gray memories. I grabbed my phone, I opened my instagram and saw some post photos of my graduation friends. I was surprised when I saw someone tagging me in his post. I opened it and it was the Dew that marked me.

The photo he posted was a photo with me. I just realized that the kebaya he was wearing was the same color as the batik I was wearing at that time. I saw the photo caption.

"Thank you for being my best friend for 6 years"

Like and comment on the post is quite a lot even if only briefly. I opened a comment and found some comments from other accounts.

"That means you're dating dong? What's proposed! "

"Congrats is beautiful.. "

"That's good. Dong spill! "

"Udah proposed? Well.... There's a shop"

"Tips lasting 6 years sis.. . "

"Busat! 6 years? That really? "

"intentionally? " murmurm

I tried to deny my baseless assumptions. I laughed when I reread where they said I had proposed to her. Boro-boro. The relationship has not yet. Different feelings, different religions and family backgrounds. I who set in semwrawut family while he from a harmonious family like a cypress family that complements each other with the simplicity of each individual. What a shame to my fate. I saw the comments of the Great's lover.

"Two never become one, "I said reading a comment from Agung.