The Lost Prince's

Chapter 19 Hidden in the Depth of the Heart

Rainwater falls on the ground. Inflicts

connected gurgling sound. It looks dark outside. Though still

a few hours before night. I don't understand why I feel like

these. I have already avenged my revenge. That afternoon, I hurt death

vanblood with my own eyes. Shouldn't I be relieved. But

everything feels empty and useless. After returning home, I hurried

shower and change clothes. Feeling cold, I grabbed a sweater and

wearing it. Then sit on the floor leaning against the bed while hugging your knees.

I don't know how long I've been in this position, a thousand languages still looking out

window.

I stepped towards the balcony. The rain did not make me

it's cold, but I've been cold since. Not because of the rain. I jumped

get off the balcony, land on two legs. My body is too healthy after

drinking Shane's blood. I started walking, letting the rain drop on

befell me. Without me knowing I've arrived at a bridge. I stepped into

the bridge fence, looking at the rainwater falling into the river down there.

Really a high bridge. Maybe even vampires could die if

fall down there. Without thinking, I climbed the guardrail

bridge and jump into the big river below.

BYUURPR!!! My back touched the bottom of the river. Shit, man,

the river is not as deep as it looks. I held my breath, letting the flow

the river swept away my body. And somehow, even though it's been a while

I was underwater my body was not having any problems. Though I held back

my breath all this time. The sound of feet approaching, sounds familiar. It stops at

beside me. Holding my body washed away again.

“Are you done now?”, asked Zero. “Vampires

wouldn't die so easily just from drowning, you know? Never mind, come on

bangun” Zero extended her hand.

I grabbed that hand, and then he pulled me out of the water.

Makes me stand in front of him. How did he find me again this time?

 “What are you really doing?”, Zero murmured. "Are you not afraid of death? All

people are afraid of death. Because no one knows for sure, everyone is afraid..."

He's correct. "I'm scared too. But my fear of life is bigger. My life is painful, full of wounds

and disgusting" I sighed, somehow something suddenly felt

weight in my lungs. “VanBlood is dead, but I don't feel relieved

or happy or whatever. This is really weird. I should be relieved because I already

revenge for the death of my parents. But.”

“No one feels relieved after killing. In order to

any reason, ending one's life is not the right thing”

“But you killed him. You took over my role for

killing him. Even I who was just looking, my hands were still trembling in the cold.

There's no way you don't feel anything”

“Do you forget, I was born a vampire. I even

already killed someone before learning how to walk”

Until it's like that? Living as a vampire? “But you

still remembering. You're not okay”

“True. Life goes on, Key. No matter as much

what wounds have you got. Everyone like that” Zero was silent for a few

moment, perhaps digesting his own words. “Tell me, actually you

feeling guilty, right? You keep blaming yourself for everything

happen. The death of your parents, you who lived as a vampire, even

vanBlood.”

“I..” No. gabe. I don't feel that way, do I? They

killed by vanBlood so it's not wrong to kill him. But, I still

living, as a vampire. Zero's right. I don't know why I feel like this is all my fault.

I know there's nothing to do with my father's and mother's death and my changes.

But he was right, that I blame myself for living as a vampire.

Even if it's vanBlood's fault that changed me, it's still the fact that I

still alive and not human, but I'm a vampire.

This truth really kills me.

"You're also Key's victim, you don't have to torture

keep blaming yourself. You're not wrong. I think you should

learn to forgive yourself"

Forgive myself? My tears are starting again

melted down the cheek. “How can I do it? If you're in my position

will you forgive yourself?”

Zero did not answer. Of course, he couldn't either

imagine if it was in my position. Talking is easy. Stupidhead!

“Do you also still feel thirsty?”

Yeah, I'm still thirsty. Very thirsty. And I can't

asking for Shane's blood again because last time I almost drained the contents

his rebuler. “I'm not supposed to take Shane's blood. You're right, he's not

will be able to satisfy my thirst”

“No one can. The only one who can satisfy

vampire thirst is the blood of her loved ones”

“What does that mean? So all the vampires kept holding back

thirsty? So, how did you hold it all this time?”

“I drank a lot of blood and hunted animals. Beasts

big as a bear has more blood. Although the smell is not

tasty..”

Ah, right too. Zero always had some sort of blood smell

which is not good. Other vampires often scorn him for the smell of blood

that foul. But I know it doesn't belong to Zero.  "You...

you said you liked me, right? It must be because of my blood. You even kept saving

my life because of that. If you want my blood then why don't you

suck it up. If you're waiting for permission for that, then do it.

I'll let it go"

Zero grunting. Seemed annoyed by my words. "I

no. gabe. Compared to your blood, I prefer your existence a thousandfold.

That's the only way a vampire can keep his sanity when he falls

love"

I looked up at Zero's expressionless face. Stares

we met. I can't help my smile. He must be kidding.

"At least don't express myself that flat, that way I can get a little

believe your lies"

"My words are sincere. I never lied

to you" Zero said lightly this time with a smile.

Both my eyes are growing. Ah, he's smiling! Not fair!

Why did he have to show that smile? How his smile can be

that it? My heart jumped over some of its beat rhythm. I turned my face away.

I don't understand why I turned my face away from him. The only thing that

I want this moment to be invisible to him.

“Are you cold? Stupid idiot.”

Zero grabbed me with his arm, carrying me out of the

riverbank. I still can't look him in the face. Zero dropped me off after

reach the river bank.

“Uhm...Zero.”

“What?”

“Sorry, that time I yelled at you. I didn't mean..”

Zero blinked a few times. “What? You mean.

you don't mind or like me touching you?”

Eh? “Bu-not like that... I'm not.”

Zero started laughing amusedly. His small eyes became

a line under his thick eyebrows. Some of her hair fell over

his forehead to the eyes. He really is like a different person. That's right, I've never

saw him laugh. Has he ever laughed? What happened to Zero?

Why is his smile and now his laughter makes him look like the one who

totally different. Zero looked back at me, I turned my face again.

Still don't want to be seen by him.

“Not funny”, I said short.

“I'm just kidding. No need to be awkward so” said

Zeros. “Do you hate being a vampire so much?”

“Of course” Why did he ask the obvious

that so?

Zero's expression turned stiff. He threw a distant look at

fore. “If for example there is one way to restore you to human again,

are you going to choose it?”

“Ya, of course” I sighed. “But it doesn't exist kan”

“Ada”, Zero said, making me look at him with my eyes

the size of a ping pong ball. “Not so long ago I discovered ancient research

it was done during the time of the first king of vampires. Prohibited research that

turning vampires into humans”

“Then, how did it go?”

“Gagal. It's just, I think a little more could work.

I think they need the right people as donors”, Zero said. “So, if you

want me to be your donor and restore you to human”

“Donor? More precisely what is donated?”, I ask

distrustful.

Zero looked into my eyes, without hesitation. “Life”

Something felt like beating my heart. What the fuck is this guy?!

Lived on? What does it mean that he is willing to die to turn me back?! What is he

lunatics?!

“You're crazy! How could I do that then?!”, I shouted

annoyed.

“Why not? You want to be human again”

“I can't live by sacrificing people

lalin was like that! Forgetit! Stupidhead! You should never have

tell me” I'm sulking. Feeling tricked. If that's what should be

paid, then I don't want to be human anymore. Zero chose silence a thousand

language for a few moments. Her face

back flat, expressionless. I don't know what's hidden behind

his brilliant blue eyes.

“By the way, do you want to see your parents once

again?”

I turned to face Zero. Not believing in

that I heard. “What?! What are you.?”

“I mean by their spirits. Actually, some

witches can communicate with spirits. We can ask for help.”

My eyes grew, still not believing

my hearing. “Are you serious?!”

 Zero nodded, though,

reassuringly. He really! “We can go there tonight too. But we

need to go home and change clothes first”

I nodded enthusiastically. “Good. Come fast.”

Zero grabbed my hand, stopping me from stepping

about home. He gave me his jacket. “Wear it. You are not going anywhere like that.”, he said

pointing shirt.

sopping. Almost showed my whole body except for the one covered in a sweater. Rona

red started to appear on my cheeks. I quickly put on Zero's thick jacket and

throughout knee. I really hope to be invisible at this time.

Without warning, Zero again carried me with a second

her arm. Making the red hue on my cheek feel warmer.

“What are you doing? I can walk by myself.”

“Be quiet. This is faster. You're not wearing a pad either

leg”

Ah, I forgot. I jumped out of the room and walked to

here without bothering to look for footwear. I cupped both my mouths

rapt-rap. Dodging avoids his gaze. Zero took me running with

super fast. It didn't take us more than 3 minutes to get home.

***

The witch we met was named Cornellius Nightowl. Him

open a kind of divination cafe on the second floor of a 5-star hotel. Zero and I

I asked Karen to come here. Cornellius looked delighted as he looked

face Zero. He even just asked to be paid with Zero overnight

with her. So we ordered two suites on the top floor.

Cornelius called out to the spirit by pouring a drop of my blood and Karen's blood into it

in a strange cup. Smoke shaped like a father and mother

it seemed to fly in front of us a moment later.

“Dad..ibu”, call me and Karen together.

“Karen, Key!” Mom and Dad tried to reach us

transparent hand. We couldn't touch, their hands pierced through the body

our.

“You all right?”, mother asked.

Karen nodded, her face already flooded with tears.

“Sister protects me, but brother can't be human anymore.”.

Mom and Dad turned their eyes to me. “Sorry..

forgive me”

“What you said, Key. We are guilty, we

always putting heavy things on you. You look a lot like me. So often

I forgot that you're a girl and think of you like the rest of me. Sorry”, said Father. “You don't spend your time beating yourself up and hating yourself right?”

I can't answer it. Mom approached me, though,

stroking my shoulder slowly even though his hand pierced through. "That's not something for

regretted. I'm glad you think I do"

“You've fought much stronger than anyone, Key. Now, fight a little more

for drimu yourself”

“Father just want to see you two live happily”,

said Father. "Key, you're too pretty to be moody"

Fuck up! I still joke around at times like this. According to Cornellius,

only spirits with remorse can be called. So I asked

the regrets that my father and mother had. They give answers that are not

unforeseen. I am the one they regret the most. Dad felt he should

cover for me and Karen until we're safe. While I regret not having time

told me to take care of myself and just tell her to protect Karen.

***

I was breathing out. I don't know why I can't sleep.

It's true that the stone of my heart feels removed. But it still feels

there is less. It's just that I don't know it myself.

“Dad and Mom also said not to blame

self...”, said Karen who seemed to catch the anxiety on my face.

“Not that”

“Eh?” Karen shuffled, flipping her body to her stomach

resting on the elbow of his arm to look at me.

“I think I'm fine now. I wouldn't

be stupid and torture yourself again. It's just, I'm not sleepy”

“Thank God then” Karen put back

his head is on a pillow. Vaporise. “But Big Brother still has to sleep though

just sec. Is something bothering you?”

Is something troubling my mind? I don't know. Me too

don't know. All this time I've been having insomnia because of my guilt and

because every second I can't stop thinking that this whole thing is

my fault. But after my meeting with Dad and Mom earlier, it felt like a heavy burden

the one that squeezed my heart melted. I don't blame myself

any more. Or maybe more precisely I am trying to accept and forgive myself

by oneself. Because after all a small part of me still feels like it's my fault.

Even so, that's not what's bothering me. I don't know myself

why can't I sleep. Maybe I should fill my stomach.

“I want to eat” I get out of bed, step into

kitchens.

“So I can drink my blood” Karen said in a voice

sleepily.

“A-what?!”

“Byaku..”, repeat.

“Stupid basis. I just want to eat bread”

“Eh? Did ya? I thought..”

“I won't do it. I mean, I haven't

need it now. So, sleep” I open the refrigerator, take some

cut bread and cheese. I stacked bread and cheese together

multiple layers. Return the remaining bread to the refrigerator.

“But who knows later suddenly brother wants blood, drink

just my blood, okay? I'm going to bed first.”

“You think I'm a fucking vampire, attacking someone

who is sleeping?! Huh, that's right. Doesn't make sense.” I'm speechless, though,

surprised to hear my own words. Can't believe it, I just

admitting myself as a vampire and this time without a sense of carelessness in my heart. Two

tears were pouring down from the end of my eyes. And I laughed.

Karen sat on the bed, looking at me with a smile

it's expanding on his face.

I immediately wiped my tears, stuffed the sandwich into the

my mouth. Quickly spent. “I want to shower”, I said turning to the room

baths.

I turned the faucet, draining the warm water until it filled

bathtub. After getting sogged with a shower, I soak in a bathtub full of water

warm. I haven't been soaking in long enough. I never even

doing it again since turning into a vampire. Me and Karen used to

soaking together. Really comfortable. And very quiet. Karen's asleep to me

I can't hear anything but my heartbeat.

I came out of the abk bath after the Sudha water was not warm

any more. Remember that vampires can also get cold. Hurry up to get a towel

and took the long-sleeved shirt and shorts from the clothing room.

After putting on the shirt, I stood in front of a large mirror in the clothing room

that is, combing my hair while emngeringkanya with hair dryer. Not since

when did my hair become along the waist. Even my poniku has reached the bottom

nose. Gosh darn. Have I never reflected all this time? I grabbed an

scissors from the closet drawer. Start cutting my poniku along the eyebrows. Small smile. I'm kidding, I'm the same

it doesn't look pretty, seen from anywhere. I'm totally screwed. I

combing the ends of my hair, cutting them along my back. Actually I want to

trying a short cut. But, Karen cut her hair short some time

then to be different. I can't match him who wants to be different

from me. Done it.

The clock on the wall showed me the number 4 when I returned

chamber. I don't feel like morning. And I'm not sleepy at all. Karen

still good on the bed. Suddenly I feel like going to the roof, maybe

seeing the morning sun appear is not a bad idea. I went back to the room

dress. Grab a lemon yellow jacket. Hurry up to open the door.

“Gosh!”, exclaim Cornelius restrained. He almost hit me

time rushed out of his room. “I'm really shocked. What are you

do it this early in the morning? Didn't you sleep all night? Holy hooch! I

really tired. Zero and I spent the night together without sleep

secetapun”, he said at length. I'm not sure if he really intends to ask questions or just give

info. Cornelius stuffed his net without waiting for my response at all. Even

he looks rushed.

I just started walking when the door was in front of my room

back open. Zero came out from there, scratching his disheveled hair.

God, is he really not sleeping? Whatever that is

actually they do? Could it be...??

A PUKK!  Zero Hand

hit the front of my head.

“Do not think strangely-strange”, he murmured. “He continues

rambled along

night, therefore we do not sleep. I didn't expect you to swallow a speech

Cornelius. He always made himself like a gai” Zero

ruffled my hair, then passed away.

Wh-what was that just now? What my face really implies

strange thought that they were a pair of gai? Holy hooch! I felt two cheeks

turned warm. Totally disgraceful. I misunderstood because of the words

Cornelius. Why does he make other people think no-no. I

grunting annoyed. Trying to forget what just happened. Continue to the roof.

Someone was already there, standing leaning against the fence

roof edge. I can recognize his back and neck. Zeros. Why is he in

hither? Silent. I stood about a meter beside him. Waiting sun

rise.

“Uhm...Zero, thank you”

“No need”

“You don't like coming here, but you did

Cornelius. And for the chance to talk to my parents. Because of that

I'm really grateful. All this time I was just a hassle and kept going

act stupid. You all always help me, I haven't even thanked”

“You can thank them, but can't

did it to me? I don't like. Whatever it is, there is no need to feel burdened”

“Why is that?”

“Because I want it so”

I sighed softly. “What the fuck? you always do

whatever you want.”

“Indeed”

Sucks. He even admitted it lightly. Zero

it's always been like this. Do whatever you want yourself. “But.”

“Ah! Look at that!”, Zero said half exclaiming, cutting

my word. “Harvest appears”

I followed the direction he pointed to, deep in the eastern horizon

sana. Zero's right, the sun started moving up. The yellow light file

the orange began to crack out among the thin clouds above the sky. Befalling

piece by piece of forest at the city limits. What a beautiful morning.

***