The Hate His Touch

Injured Because I

When it got in front of him. Abraham hugged my neck tightly and hid his face around my neck.

"How are you, Ana?" he said while looking at me softly.

I just stared at him as silently as I used to.

"Isn't it time you came back?" said Mr. Robert.

I stroked Abraham's back gently.

"Let's talk again" I said as I walked away from Mr. Robert.

I kissed Abraham's cheek, looking at me. I smiled as I went down. I smiled as he hummed back while shaking the link of our hands. Abraham knew that I would not answer the question of someone who mysteriously met me.

***

I looked at Mr. Robert who was still looking at me with a calm look even though I was showering him with a flat and cold look.

"Don't you feel like you're taking too much of a risk by meeting me in person. What exactly is on your mind to force me back? You know and know better my unpreparedness" I said sharply.

"I know, but I also know Abraham needed his real father. Don't be selfish and try to forget Andrew for your son's sake. It's time you went back to Albert and married him. It's for your son's sake, don't be selfish Ana" she said calmly.

"Can I just be happy with Abraham both. I can't die for my peace to be the only way to live with Abraham" I said sharply.

"Keep your promise Ana. You said it only temporarily disappeared. I know you promised Albert that, too" said Mr. Robert.

"Have I always been selfish? I'm always hurt...."

"You're selfish, Ana, if it wasn't for the hardness of your head. Your dad won't be tempted by Clara a second time and can live with you without anyone. The real thing is you, Ana. You're the one who left your daddy until he found someone to calm him down. You who can only dissolve in sadness by locking yourself up unconsciously is the source of your daddy's death.

Look Ana enough you're being selfish and separating Albert from his biological son. How is Abraham different from your life? Without you knowing maybe he was ridiculed for not having a father. Is that what you say happy? Stop all Ana" said Mr. Robert coldly.

I looked at Mr. Robert with my unflattering gaze. That's right what Mr. Robert said. If it wasn't for me locking myself up, daddy wouldn't have seen Clara again. I know the woman who had an affair with daddy before mommy's death was Mr. Robert's Clara. I used to curse their actions, but now I realize that I was the one who made it back to Clara. I sighed as tears rolled down my cheeks. I realized I was the real killer.

***

I looked at Abraham who was asleep. I saw his face looking calm. Sometimes he frowned. I felt strange as she grew more agitated and turned calm. I slowly saw her smiling sweetly. I don't understand what he's dreaming. I kissed Abraham softly and slept beside him. I realized I was selfish for separating Abraham from Albert, but my heart could not accept Albert because my heart still belonged entirely to Andrew.

She was my first love and it was hard to forget even though I had a child with Albert. Though I know in Andrew's heart there's only Clara. I tried to hold back my tears that were always ready to spill when I remembered Andrew. I tried to forget him, but it was very difficult.

***

"Is Abraham happy living with mommy?" my many.

"Hm ... Mom is the greatest. I love you, Mom." I was silent looking at Abraham who always said the same word when I asked like that.

Fear spread through my body. I forced my lips to form a happy smile for Abraham. I saw Abraham take his eyes off me and go back to eating his food in silence. I felt like I was losing air. I realized my failure to make her happy.

I've been making him feel what I feel. I'm a really useless mother.

***

I stared blankly at the picture book I had taken silently from Abraham's room. Tears came down my cheek when reality hit me. Mr. Robert was right, he was right and I was wrong. Abraham was unhappy because of my ego. I'm stuck when it gets heavy. I failed to please Abraham.

I failed to make her feel the happiness I never felt. I embraced an image of Abraham depicting a complete family. It wasn't just me and Abraham. There's Albert, daddy and mom. I weep for my stupidity that doesn't understand my own feelings. How different is it from daddy. I unconsciously made Abraham feel what I felt. I am sorry for my stupidity that failed to please Abraham.

The next morning, I waited for him to wake up. I saw my little angel open her eyes which always made me calm and happy. I kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly as she stretched out her arms asking me to hug her as usual.

"You want to see daddy?" my spoken.

I felt Abraham's body stiffen. I rubbed Abraham's back gently. I slowly felt her body tremble and heard her sobs. I hugged us and tried to hold back my sobs. I don't want her to hear my crying.

"Yes, Mom .. hiks .. mau ... Mom," he said, sobbing.

I gently rubbed his back to calm him down. My heart was like it was sliced when I heard the sound of his sobs.

***

I gently helped Abraham get out of the car. I took him to lead him to follow me into Albert's house. Abraham has been very enthusiastic since. He didn't stop asking about his daddy. I just smiled seeing her happy face. The door opened as we walked in. I walked more and more into the house that I once lived in. The house that bears witness that Abraham was Albert's biological son.

I saw Albert, who looked agitated - swerving down from the stairs. He looked at us. I slowly rubbed Abraham's head gently and Abraham looked at me.

"Greet daddy" I said to Abraham.

Slowly Abraham walked towards Albert who was fixated on looking at Abraham. Slowly Albert squatted down and grabbed Abraham into his embrace. I still silently stared at them. I looked at them sadly. I was wrong because I was selfish.

I felt my heart ache more and more knowing that Abraham had been hurt because of me. I saw Albert lightly tipping Abraham's cheek. He wiped away Abraham's tears. Abraham did the same thing to Albert. They look like twins with the exact same face. I just smiled a little while trying to hold back my tears. I saw Albert looking at me who was still staring at them. I just stayed where I was when Albert approached me with Abraham in his arms. Abraham grabbed me with one hand. Stiffly I entered their embrace. Albert kissed my forehead softly and made me fail to hold back my tears. Albert hugged us so much that it made me immerse my face in his chest.

"I won't let you two go again" he said softly.