The End of the Waiting for Love and Love

Studying Sincere

Mother's words yesterday afternoon put my feelings into a dilemma. Dad just followed what mom said.

"Sir, you don't have to go to college there. I'm worried about you."

"Mom..my struggle to make a list to the state college is difficult Mom. Maybe I can pass the selection among thousands of people out there"

"Yes I understand, but your deck will be in college for three years. That's quite a long time, especially later you have to be away from family"

"When do I get to stand up, ma'am? if I can't go to college there and be away from family. Or do you want me to go to college? It's a gap what I'm trying to do"

I got up from my chair and walked to my room.

"Not that deck..." I was silent when I saw I was stepping into the room.

I realized at that time my heart was very messed up, no longer knowing what to do with my parents. They don't support my future to attend my chosen university. At that time my hopes were shattered that could no longer be maintained. This is really a big deal that I first experienced in life was more than just a heartbreak.

Tomorrow I won't leave the room except for worship. Waking up at dawn I only prayed at dawn and cried in prostration. After that I just kept quiet in my room.

Mother knocked on the door of the room many times, until she called my name in her high tone.

"Dekkkk... dekkkk... dekkkk..."

"I don't want breakfast" I said.

"Later if you don't eat your sick deck"

"Father, let me get sick"

At that moment my mother's voice was no longer heard, maybe she had left the door.

Soon enough, the father took turns knocking while calling me.

"Dekkkk.. Here come out, I want to talk to you"

"When, yeah, I don't want to be disturbed"

Then you can't force me to get out of the room.

During my time in the room I just cried while doodling the notebook. I don't know what I want to write in a note. Those scribbles are just an outlet for my emotional chaos.

While staring and opening the envelope that contains the data of the state college campus. My tears flowed unceasingly, as if lamenting my failure back then.

I couldn't do anything at that time, could only wipe away the tears and cry again. Although I felt hungry, fortunately I was able to withstand the hunger by drinking a large bottle of mineral water that was already available in the room.

Naturally my attitude is like that, because the teenage years to 17 years is the peak of stability from me. I still find it easy to get angry without thinking about a condition. I also dare not make my own decisions. All I can do is regret that incident.

The reason I was angry about the situation was that I could not go to college as a result of my struggle. All I thought about at that moment was being afraid of making everyone disappointed. If the teachers find out I can't go on, then they'll be disappointed in me. It was my parents who didn't allow it. Surely they also think why I forced to participate in the selection of the state college, if in the end it is not allowed.

That's why I could only cry and be silent, I didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment.

I'm not even 17 yet, which is why I want to go to college. Because if you work the requirement is 18 years old and have a KTP. What do I get after graduating high school? In addition to hoping to study at public universities, which are fairly costing more affordable than private.

But my parents remained firm in their stance. Can't let me go to college out of town. The only reason they are worried.

Day after day passed, slowly I began to give up my failed hope. I started going out because I needed to eat. But I don't want to talk to mom or dad.

A few days after that, my brother who works out of town came home.

"Assynolt....."

"Wa'alaikumsalam ehh Diva you go home" replied the father who was watching television.

"Yes, which mother?" ask diva.

"Mom's in the kitchen.."

"Mom...cook what?"

"Ehh. mother's son came home, happened to be your favorite kale cook"

"Wahh, so lager"

"He's been waiting at the dinner table, just a little while back"

"OK ready. Oya Bu, where's Lara?"

"In the room, persuade him to eat together"

"Hmm okay"

Then Diva went to my room and knocked on the door.

"Dekkkat.... Kaka's coming home, aren't you kangen with Kaka?"

I was wearing earphones in my ear, so I didn't hear my diva knock on the door. But I heard Diva's voice at a glance. Because of the volume of the phone that I purposely raised, until the outside sound just buzzed.

"Dekkkk... Did you sleep?" while trying to raise the doorknob of my room.

"Well, that's the doorknob moving around" then I took the earphone off my ear.

"Dekkk"

When I made sure it really was Diva's voice, I opened the door to my room.

"Yes doth..."

"Sir Diva....???" showing a shocked expression. And immediately hugged Diva's sister.

"Ehhh long time very no, why are you in sleep?"

"Well, I was wearing earphones"

"Oohh pantesan's. Yeah, we're out here, we're eating with yuk"

"Hmmm. deh, I'm a laper bell"

"It's time for noon"

"Yes, brother, but I'm a laper. Go ahead"

"Yes, I ate first, went to my room. I want to tell Kaka the same story" while whispering into my sister's ear.

"Hmmm yeah, I ate first"

Then she went to the dinner table and she finished cooking.

"Where is Lara brother?"

"Belom laper said"

"Hmm. Arenta she won't eat again"

"Why did you ma'am?"

"Entar mom tell me, you eat first"

"Battle"

"Yahhhhh.. Here eat"

"Yes Ma'am"

The dining table was right in front of my room, so if I wanted to eat there was a side dish and rice on the table. Sometimes if I'm hungry I eat alone when mom and dad are not home, but my lunch is combined with dinner. Because it's been a few days I still don't want to eat with mom and dad.

After the diva, mom and dad finished eating. Diva went straight to my room because I promised to tell her something. Maybe it was just the brother diva that I believed at the time to pour out all my feelings.

"Why you deck, is there a problem with mom and dad?"

"Hmmm..." Then I shed another tear in front of diva.

"Loh kok cry" Diva hugged me.

"Lara is sad, brother"

"Why sad? just story"

"Lara can't go to college there, sister"

"Well, didn't you and Dad agree?"

"Sir, mom says ga ngizinin" Sobs are melting.

"Hmmm. Because I'm far away, I don't want you too far deck"

"But brother, when do I stand by him if you can't be far from your parents."

"You don't know either, but you need to keep your deck lecture. Even if it wasn't the box"

"Kaaa. if I'm there, the cost is affordable compared to the private. I also thought, why would I want to study in the country."

"That's the deck, I must have another alesan. You calm down, entar Kaka searchin the nearest campus and the department you want. Don't be sad anymore"

"Hmmm..."

"Sir, you should always be grateful. Because I used to want to go to college while working. Now if you go to college, mom, dad and I can pay you."

"Yes, sorry lara, brother. Maybe lara should be sincere"

"Yes right, you have to be sincere. As you grow older you will understand the problems of life. Don't be a little angry, disappointed, because being an adult is different deck"

"How different is it, brother?"

"As an adult, the problem must be faced alone, find its own solution, and be strong to rise again"

"Oh that's it, brother..."

"Yes, Kaka's the first kid on deck. Kaka's shoulders must be strong to sustain the problem. You, mom and dad are Kaka's responsibility."

"Thank you brother, I can be more calm"

"Yes, I'm better with mom and dad"

"Hmmm. yes, brother, please help me say yes brother"

"Let's get out of the room"

"Come on"

Diva then took me out of the room to approach mom and dad in the living room.

"Mother, father, someone has come out of the room" said the diva's sister.

"Ehh lara, you eat there first" said mother.

"Hmm mom, dad, I want to apologize for my attitude yesterday"

I hugged the body of my mother who was sitting on the sofa, next to my father who was also hugging me.

"Mom and father should apologize to you" said the mother.

"Thank you, I'm selfish and don't understand the feelings of mom and dad"

"We can also see that your deck and the belly can fulfill your wishes" said the father.

"Father Ma'am, said brother diva I must be sincere. And I'm sure all of this must have a silver lining"

"Yes ma'am, we as children have a lot of faults with mom and dad. I don't want to burden my mother and father's mind.

"Thank you guys for being the best mom's kids"

"Sama-sama mother, father" answered me and Kak diva compact.

The momentum of the day made me even more grateful, because I still have a whole family. When there is a problem can still be solved well.

Although I had to give my aspirations to study at a state college, but I am grateful to still be able to get together with a whole family and that is more than anything.

This matter reminds me of the passing of Brother Ardian, that I must sincerely release him for the sake of his ideals. At that time I also had to study sincerely to give up my choice of campus. Both are my hopes, but fate says I can't reach them.