The End of the Waiting for Love and Love

That short..

Some time ago Brother Iyan was still diligent in contacting me first, because he understood my situation at that time was busy.

Sometimes he's been texting me from last night, but I can only read the message when I wake up early.

I rarely communicated with him. I often apologized to her because I rarely slept late and couldn't wait for her message. The opportunity to communicate with him is difficult.

But once again he still understood my situation, because he was in a position like me that was busy with schoolwork.

Until finally a few days before the UN. I'm focused on studying and practicing math.

Suddenly there was a ringing sign on my phone. After I saw that it was a message from brother Iyan. I was so excited to read the message from him that I threw my pencil over the book.

"Lara Assalamualaikum... Sorry to disturb you earlier. I want to say something, I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Actually, I don't want to make you disappointed, but it's better for now and then you don't wait for me again. Because you deserve to be happy, you deserve another guy who loves you. I'm sorry if all this time only for you to be disappointed, Kaka can not be the best guy for you. I'm afraid you waited too long for Kaka, so you better let go of your feelings. Thank you for your attention all this time. We can still communicate, so we know the news of each is just not as often as before. Sorry to disappoint you again"

Deghhhh...degh..What is this feeling?

When I saw the message, it felt like I had been stabbed by a very sharp knife and stuck it in my heart.

Why are those words inversely proportional to the words he had previously sent to me some time ago?

Is this a dream or not?

When I tried to pinch my hand it really hurt.

What does he mean he talks like this?

I'm Speechless again...

I didn't answer the message.

I speak a thousand languages, I don't know what I'm going to answer. Because it will not be easy to accept that reality.

I threw my phone into the bed and tried to continue my study.

***

The night before the UN I was really focused on doing exercises about. There's a message ringing in.

"Excite yes deck, tomorrow want UN. Good luck and success with the problem"

I threw my phone. And I don't care about it. I just let out a deep breath, hopefully not affected by those words.

I decided to disappear from him. The messages from him I never reply. My Facebook account is closed. That's all I did to make me feel calm at the time.

No matter the feeling raging in my heart. I'm more focused on what I'm going to face tomorrow, which is the National Examination.

**

That morning, the atmosphere was quiet in the classroom.

Paper sheets are divided into each table. I was given 90 minutes to do that much.

Seconds, minutes passed. I put my whole mind to remember all the material I've learned.

90 Minutes passed, I finished working on that much in time. Thank goodness one day was over, there was still another day.

"How was it, hard?" ask mother.

"Thank God it's hard, ma'am, but I can handle it"

"Thank God the deck, the effort will not betray the results. You should take it more seriously"

"Ready Ma'am"

Because I'm more obedient to my mother's advice. Until every night I study, repeat doing things for the sake of problems.

I don't know how long I haven't seen my phone. It's probably been the day before I put my phone on the table. Not even going to school can carry a cell phone, so why would I bring it.

Day after day passed and finally the Examination was over.

I hugged my friends in class, a sign that we were all relieved through those difficult times.

A few days later, a postal courier came to the house. The mother received the letter from the courier.

Then when I got home, after school I was reported by my mother. But I see the look on my mother's face as flat.

"Huh letter???" many wonder.

"Yes the letter, try to open it, I put it on the letter table"

"Hmmm.." while reading the envelope cover written on behalf of the sender on his side.

The letter is wrapped in a large envelope and consists of several pieces of mail.

When I read the letter, it turned out to be an announcement that I was accepted into one of the colleges. Which a few months earlier I was registered by the school for the selection to enter the state college.

"Oh my goodness, this is a letter from the campus.... Thank God my mother accepted.." with a smile that expands on my lips.

I was so excited when I read it. Then I told my friend that I had been accepted. Do not forget to tell the teachers.

In the statement of the college, I had to re-apply to the campus based on a predetermined date. I had planned to come there.

However, there are considerations from both my parents if for example I went to college there too far. At least I will definitely spend there and it is not possible every week to go home. Why did that consideration make me sad, it seemed like my parents were worried about me. How can I go to college, while my parents are not willing if their children are far away.

At that time I was upset, I didn't know what to do. The decision was on my own side, but I thought of the unwilling hearts of parents like that.

At that time I never came to school, I was afraid my teacher was disappointed in me.

And my decision is....

Not going to college in my dream state. I fought my ego for both of my parents.

College was one of my dreams. I really wanted to go to college there, the department was right for me.

God why is my path like this. I contemplated my fate for days until I didn't want to eat the taste.

Has failed to fight for love, has failed to fight for ideals.

Lara's.... Lara.

***

I have to make peace with my ego.

Slowly I began to open my eyes. I have to accept this reality. Life is not always smooth, sometimes it has to go through this kind of test. I wasn't even 17 at the time, it was still very unstable for me to decide on a problem.

With a sincere heart I began to open a message from brother Ardian or Iyan. The person who has been motivating me for the better, did not I know him well from the beginning.. So it's time to part ways well. I don't want to have a grudge against him, the pokonya at the time I wanted to accept his decision.

"Assynoltom... I'm sorry I just got back, because I need time to catch myself. Kaka's decision may have disappointed me, but I have to be sincere. Kaka right I deserve to be happy, but all this time knowing Ardian is one of the reasons for my happiness. If Kaka doesn't want me to wait again, I'll go after him. Kaka also deserves to be happy, hopefully there Kaka finds the best girl. And Kaka can focus on achieving Kaka's goals. Good luck, brother"

Enough to get here. It is my job to wait for him. My struggle has not been three years.

But he has decided to "do not wait", what might be the distance and time does not promise someone to stay. But in my heart there is still a name, it is not easy for me to let go of someone who has been with me for two years. Even if you only communicate through Facebook messages or chat. I will remain the figure of Lara he knows, never to change.

I remain prejudiced against Brother Ardian. He once said it wasn't easy to get close to a girl. So there's no way that he's leaving me for another girl, maybe it's because he doesn't want me to wait too long.

There is a song that reminds me of this moment.

***Go to love...

Pursue your desires

While there is still time

Don't mind me

I'm willing to split up for you

May you achieve all your wishes***

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