Tannin Wo Yosetsukenai Buaisouna Joshi Ni Sekkyou Shitara,

Chapter 5 volume 9

Everything's shattered.

I've experienced that before.

I was lost. I was dragged into the deep darkness. In the empty space, I drowned as if I was being crushed.

World fades. Just like ink is worn out again and again. It peels, fades, stains the empty. Hearts ache, emotions wither, feelings tarnished.

For me, the experience is still a deep scar.

When I curled up in my room with my knees in my arms. I was staring at the end of the carpet. There's nothing I can do. I could not understand the magnitude of what had been lost to me, and my eyelids were burning as if they were burning.

Regret is not a word that can be used to describe it. Words can never express it. There was nothing I could do but struggle in the gaping hole.

No one blamed me. I was gently told that it wasn't my fault. This softly spoken thought, however, weighed heavily on me.

I'd rather someone kill me.

I want someone to strangle me.

Or better yet, bury me in the ground.

Although I blamed myself in my mind, I could not make myself suffer. My human nature that does not want to suffer is in the way.

My mind is fucked.

There's no way I can sort out my feelings. Every time I try to pick up pieces of my mind, they are interspersed with noise.

I think I'll continue to suffer like this.

I'll never be able to avoid it.

That's what I thought.

One day, my door opened.

There, I saw my sister Sayaka and my father.

They seemed to worry about me and came to check on me.

I watched them in a daze.

They tried to talk to me about something. But I can't retaliate. I can't understand what they're saying. I felt as if they were calling me from afar.

sayaka.

(＋＋＋＋＋＋＋)

My father also spoke.

Words are processed as sounds in my mind.

The voice still echoed in my ears, repeatedly. They were talking to me, desperate.

(......)

I have to say something. So I opened my mouth.

But it's still just a sound. It disappeared into thin air.

Both did not give up. My father and Sayaka visit my room every day, sometimes holding my shoulder, sometimes my hand, and talking to me repeatedly.

Gradually, the voices turned into words.

(**This is not like my brother.)

(You are a child . I know that.)

Slowly plan.

Noise cleared. A chaotic and distorted world regains order.

I've been looking for him for a long time.

There are things I still have to do.

Little by little, I began to realize this.

At the same time, I felt my heart become lighter.

The world is getting back its colors. From the depths of darkness, he began to rise.

I looked at my father and Sayaka and thought.

me, i...

* * *

I'm up.

I emerged from a dream.

It's Sunday morning.

The sun had just risen, and I could hear the birds chirping nonstop.

Light leaked from the bottom of the closed curtain. A little bit of it attacked the bed, covering part of my face.

I blinked. My eyes glazed. I won't be able to sleep anymore.

As I sat down, I noticed my legs hurt. It must be from coercion

alone to bring Sayaka yesterday. My muscles hurt.

I glanced at my desk and saw that it was still messy with study materials. I continued to study after that, but slowly fell asleep and fell into bed.

The alarm clock shows at 7:30 a.m. My father and Sayaka may still be asleep.

I walked out of the room, trying not to make a sound. Then I went down and went into the living room.

Even though she woke up late, Sayaka still had breakfast. Thinking of making ham and eggs, I stood in the kitchen and started preparing them.

Sayaka wakes up around nine.

He went to the dinner table with sleepy eyes and brought the food I made to his mouth. He yawned repeatedly while idly watching the morning show on TV. Then he looked at me and asked,

"When did I fall asleep?"

Apparently, he remembered the part where he spoke to me, but he couldn't remember what happened after that.

"Oh come. I'm taking you to your room, aren't I?"

"Eh? Really true?"

He looked at me confused.

"It's a lot of work, you know. And after I laid you down, you grabbed the edge of my clothes and called me 'Onii-chan.'"

"No, I didn't do it."

Well, she only called me "Onii-chan" when we were in elementary school. Somehow, that shameful nickname has taken root.

"But it's true that you pulled the edge of my shirt.

"God."

He looked at me blankly. He doesn't seem to believe me.

"Anyways, please don't go into my room without my permission."

What was he talking about when he asked for it himself? However, it seemed like he would not believe me even if I said it, so I gave up.

Sayaka continues to eat her breakfast without caring about the world.

#Connected